Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 17

 Edition: I had to put the camera on a tv tray on top of the bed for these pictures and none of them turned out well. (Also. Could I look move tired?)
I look like two totally different sizes here and couldn't decide which to use. We decided neither are accurate.
Photographic evidence that heaven and all the angels are shining down on my baby.
 Or maybe it's just bad lighting. Hard to say.
Size of baby: Approximately 5'' and 5 ounces. 
Fun fact: Baby can now wiggle it's joints.
Size of mother: Funky sized. See above.
What's on the menu: Bagels, cranberry juice, and tea. 
Worse part of the week: The nausea is never ending and wearing me out. My back has decided to get in on the action by shouting, "Hey! I'm here too! I'm going to hurt and get some attention!". We now have a large supply of IcyHot patches stashed under the bed. To add insult to injury, I've started drinking Alka-Seltzer and I die a thousand deaths with every glass. It is one of the most disgusting beverages I've ever had. 
Best part of the week: I accidentally took too much medicine one day last week. It wasn't the overdose itself that I enjoyed so much as the side effects. Oooooh!! This is funnnnn! I feel gooddddd! Unfortunately I cannot in good conscience repeat that mistake. 

Monday, October 28, 2013

I do not like them here of there, I do not like them anywhere

There are a lot of things I like in this world.

There are also a lot of thing I don't like.

Hence this post.


The following words:
Gunk (I hate this word with a very deep hatred.)
Sammie, better known to society as a sandwich. (Sammie is the name of a person, not something you eat.)
Brekkie (It's called breakfast, people!!!)
Rad/Radically
Hubby/wifey (Such language is not allowed in our house. I want to soak myself in disinfectant for just typing them. The only person in the world allowed to refer to Christopher as my hubby is Joanna, and even she isn't allowed to go as far as wifey.)

When someone says a statement as a question. For example: "I have to go to the bathroom?" Well, do you or don't you? I certainly don't know.

The squeak of basketball shoes. You understand how this makes it difficult for me to watch a basketball game. Not that I ever have that desire to begin with. 

Putting pillowcases on pillows

Math. I HATE math. The number by themselves are bad enough, but forget about it when you throw letters in there too.

Mayonnaise

When a sign has words in English and another language and the English is in smaller print. It is especially irritating to find this scenario on junk mail in my mailbox. It's exceedingly irritating when there's no English translation at all.
Washing oily dishes

Sitting between two strangers on a cross country flight. Although I did meet some interesting people last time that happened

Along those lines, don't take up a window seat if you plan on sleeping during the entire flight. 

Johnny Depp

Men with long fingernails

Public speaking

Slugs 

Stepping on slugs, especially with bare feet. Don't ask how I know.

Arriving at the grocery store only to discover I left the list at home. 

Feel free to share your personal dislikes. Misery loves company.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

good people comes in small packages

Everyone one knows I love, love Jenn and her munchkins (and I'm STILL upset they up and left me to live in another country). A few months after we moved here Jenn introduced me to Aggie and the rest, as they say, is history. Jenn and Aggie were nice to let me hang out with them even though I was the husband-not-deployed, childless third wheel. Although I think they liked the childless part because it meant I entertained theirs. 

I will now attempt to give a small sampling of why I love Aggie and Co. (You might be thinking, "What's up with you? Do you love everybody?" Pretty much.)

* Aggie is one of the most generous people I've ever met. In the span of one week, she gave me the following:

two potted ferns
a pair of baby shoes
a set of curtains
a bag of maternity clothes
a bag of baby clothes
a cloth bag
a half bag of baby carrots
Starbucks hot chocolate
two sets of decorative lights
three cans of paint
eight bottles of various Asian sauces
five packs of Chickfila sauce
a container of Mongolian stew
a bagel
two giant bags of food

She was cleaning out her house and I was the lucky recipient of all her goods! 

* She makes really good food. As I've mentioned, Sesame didn't object to eating food cooked in her kitchen.

* She let me come over to "help" pack when we both knew I was probably just going to lay on the floor. 

* They let me go to Luke's homecoming with them. Aggie introduced to me Luke as, "The person who watches your kids" and he responded with complete graciousness. I would have been all "I'D RATHER BE KISSING MY WIFE THAN SHAKING YOUR HAND."
* I ADORE my little Levi and he adores Christopher. Seldom in my life has a child gone to another (non parental) person when I'm around, but Levi goes to Christopher over me every.single.time. Maybe it's because Christopher isn't always bringing up how Levi should be our son in law. 
But look! Here he is running towards me with pure joy written all over his face! I must have had a lollopop. 
* Aidan usually chooses hugging his wind-up chicken over hugging me, 
but he came right over OF HIS OWN FREE WILL and gave me a big hug the night I said goodbye to them. I'm proud to say I did not start crying then and there. 
Then little Levi wanted to get in on the action too.
I love them so much.
I am so sad that the J's have gone and left me here alone. Why do people keep leaving me? Bright side: they're only a one day drive away (unlike some people...) and we're going to visit when Sesame is born. I can only go so many months without eat Aggie's food and kissing my favorite Chinese babies. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: 16 weeks

Edition: We've survived 4 months and only have 57 more to go
Size of baby: The length of an avocado, but about the weight of 3 1/2 cds. My weekly thebump.com email didn't say the fact about the cd's, but google did so I'm sure it's medically sound.
Fun fact: It's heart pumps 25 quarts of blood a day
Size of mother: A tiny bit bigger than most non-maternity pants but definitely smaller than the maternity pants. To avoid a situation wherein the maternity pants fall down in public, I wear regular pants. You're welcome, world.
What's on the menu: 
Dear people who said I would crave ice cream, 
We went to Publix on Friday night and one of us wanted to buy ice cream and the other one said "go ahead, but I don't want any". Guess which person I was.
Sincerely,
The person who feels like she's being cheated out of many wonderful food opportunities 
Best part of the week: Wednesday! I LOVED WEDNESDAY!! I felt better than I have felt in months. No nausea! No headaches! No problems! I felt like conquering the world. Or at least making a real supper that included all the major food groups. 
Worst part of the week: 
1. After Wednesday things immediately went back to -and have stayed at- business as usual.
2. I found more white hairs. 
3. I had a dream where I invented a taco shell made out of an ice cream cone and it was a best seller. It was especially popular with those who enjoy eating three flavors of ice cream at once. I told Christopher about it and he said it has already been developed. Even in my dreams I'm having issues. 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

he's the pumpkin man and I'm his untalented wife

Earlier this we week carved our pumpkins. Christopher knocked out his perfect tick-tack-toe themed pumpkins in 40 minutes.
I had so many issues with mine that I ended up lying down on the deck with my hat covering my face, moaning and groaning. I meant to cut out the shape of the A, not the inside. I lost the top to the pumpkin. The whole thing is lopsided. 
I think I'll stick to eating pumpkin foods and stop trying to make pumpkin masterpieces.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 15

Edition: I obviously didn't fix my hair before this picture
Size of baby: 4 inches long/about the size of an apple.
Fun fact: Sesame has a heart rate of 160.
Size of mother: Up a few elbees but still below pre-pregnancy weight. I know this because I went to the doctor today and their scale doesn't lie like mine does.
What's on the menu: Bor to the ing. We had chicken wings the other night and instead of eating my usual embarrassingly high number, I ate 4. The times, they have changed.
Worst part of the week: The pharmacy ran out of my (favorite) prescription. I refuse to believe my constant refills are the cause for the shortage. Also, I haven't seen the miniature pony again which is a real disappointment.
Best part of the week: Christopher is the best part about my current awkward uncomfortable situation. He takes such good care of me and always makes me tea or holds my hand when I'm feeling sick. He's my favorite, and not just because he bought Sesame his/her first stuffed animal.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

we went pumpkin patching but didn't make it to the actual pumpkin patch

Thursday I called my midwives office. Again. These people are going to get so tired of me. I can't help it if I want ALL THE DRUGS THEY CAN PROVIDE and continually need refills. The nurse was out of the office so I left a message asking them nicely to please call my local Walmart at their earliest convenience and hook me up with the good stuff. (The dissolving tablets! Not the ones that require water!) I am terrible at leaving messages. I hate it. I don't particularly enjoy making phone calls either so it's a lose-lose situation. (Side story- our Sunday School class had to call people who had visited our church within the last year and I was so petrified of a. someone actually answering the phone and b. being forced to leave a message that I procrastinated for three weeks and only allowed myself to take my anti nausea medication after I called someone. All this to say that I really need to pull myself together and start acting like a grown up.) Anyhow. The nurse's answering machine beeped and I said, "Hello, this is Sarah MAIDEN NAME." And then I paused for about 12 seconds while I tried to figure out if I really just said that. Then, of course, I started giggling uncontrollably. So I had to backtrack and say, "I don't know why I said that name. *giggle giggle* That's my maiden name and my current last name is _________. *giggle giggle* I've been married for almost three years and....never mind. I was wondering if you could call in a refill for me. *giggle giggle* "

As if they'd give me more drugs when I couldn't even remember my last name. 

***
I had an exciting Columbus Day weekend planned for us- we were to go camping in a cute little cabin a few hours away. I talked about it for weeks and was thrilled about the whole thing. And then the government shut down and I received and email saying, "We regret to inform you that we receive government funds and we will be closed for the unforeseen future." If the government only knew how much time I had dedicated to planning the menu and envisioning midnight walks under the stars, they never would have DARED to close. Yes, I am still bitter about the whole thing in case that's not glaringly obvious.

Instead of frolicking through the woods, we went pumpkin patching. I heard about a farm that sounded wonderful, so we drove 57 hours only to discover that it was the same farm Jenn and I went to last year. Unlike Columbus, I am not talented at finding new locations. 

Look at the size of the girl below in comparison to the size of the pig. He could eat her for a snack. 
My great goal in life is to own two donkeys and name them Stella and Gus. What can I say? I have lofty goals.
Thank goodness for the sign identifying the cow. I never would have known it wasn't a rabbit!
We played a round of golf right next to the cow pen. I feel Tiger Woods has done the same thing many a time. I'd release the score but it would show that I lost by 12 points. 
After church today we went to a different pumpkin patch to buy pumpkins. We didn't ride down to the pumpkin patch at the first farm because somebody felt sick (same story, different day), so we bought some today. We also went in the corn maze. Notice I didn't say we completed the corn maze. We wandered for 45 minutes and I began to worry that we'd be stuck in there forever and Sesame would be born under the shade of a cornstalk. We never found the exit and had to exit through the entrance. 
What I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to pay $4 to put myself in a situation where I knew I'd get lost. I've proven myself perfectly capable of getting lost of numerous occasions and I've never paid a cent for it.  

Thursday, October 10, 2013

bring on the senior citizen discounts

Last week I found two new white hairs sticking out of my head. Not gray hair, bright white hair. I'll look like Mrs. Claus by the time Christmas rolls around. Every time I find a white hair it sends me into the depths of despair. 

To add insult to injury, my 2013 AARP membership card just came in the mail.*
I will be spending my weekend researching antiwrinkle creams.


I've been a member since 2010. I have no idea how I got on that list.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 14

Edition: Not Much has Changed Since Last Week
Some people (JENN) say I have no stomach so I purposefully stuck it out in
this picture. I am still pretty much stomachless.
Size of baby: 31/2 inches or approximately the length of a lemon.
Fun fact: The baby now makes facial expressions. Quite coincidentally its mother makes many facial expressions because of how the baby makes her feel, but that's neither here nor there.
Size of mother: According to everyone I talk to, "very small" and "Are you sure you're pregnant?" Yes I am. Would you like to hear the laundry list of my current health issues?
What's on the menu:
Worst part of the week: See answer from last week.
Best part of the week: This is not directly pregnancy related, but I believe our neighbors have a miniature pony. I was talking to Dad on the phone a few nights ago at dusk when I happened to look out the back door and see what at first appeared to be a dog running around their yard. After watching the dog (
which really wasn't dog shaped at all) for a few more minutes, I noticed it was prancing and then it did that little mane toss that only horses/donkeys do. I ran upstairs to find my binoculars bought when I wanted to watch the Canadians look at the birds of the St. Lawrence River, but they were nowhere to be found. Naturally this discovery has shot the exciting level of our neighborhood up by about 100,000. WE ARE NEIGHBORS WITH A MINIATURE PONY. 

Then again, I'm currently on a lot of drugs so it may not have been a horse at all. It could have been a coke can blowing in the breeze. 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 13

Week 13: Edition This is Very Late
Size of baby: About 3 inches long or the size of a sweet pea.
Fun fact: Sesame better behave him/herself in there because he/she now has fingerprints and we can track all criminal activity!
Size of mother: In the words of the dentist after he peered intently at my stomach, "My daughter is due the same exactly time as you and she has way more of a belly!" Ok then.

What's on the menu: Pringles, as always. I still haven't had cravings for much of anything, much to Christopher's disappointment. He really wants to run to the grocery store and buy me something at 11:30pm. I am eating a little more than I was, so things are looking up in that area. Whenever I go to Aggie's I eat way more than I eat at home which leads us to believe Sesame likes her cooking better than mine.
Worst part of the week: Still feeling nauseous 92% of the time.
Best part of the week: No emergency room visits or iv's! Even though I feel nauseous I'm not getting sick as much as the previous 8 weeks, so maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

none of these thoughts are related to the others

* The government has shut down and my Selah cd is on it's last legs. I'll leave you to guess which caused me more emotional turmoil at 3:37 this afternoon.

* I was recently reading the paperwork from my last hospital visit and discovered that I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. Let's ignore that I didn't read the paperwork for 5 days and focus on the fact that Kate Middleton also suffered from the same condition. I've always said we're practically BFF's/twins, but I wouldn't have minded not sharing this bonding experience. That being said, if she'd like to share her closet with me, I'm more than willing to participate. Can we also wonder for a moment why the ER doctor didn't tell me I had a diagnosis? (ps. It's frightening to google side effects of HG. I don't recommend it.)

* The government shutdown means that after today, the commissary will be closed for an undetermined time. The parking lot looked like people were stocking up for the apocalypse. It's like no one has ever heard of Walmart, Kroger, or our friendly neighborhood Publix and everyone was trying to buy the last loaf of bread in the state.

* Several months ago, UNDER PROTEST, I became treasurer of our FRG. I had no desire to deal with government funds and possibly be charged with misappropriation and bad record keeping. Best leave that to the professionals. I went to the horrible class and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing for the next six months as our FRG was lacking in both morale and enthusiasm. In what can only be explained as unexplainable, the leader decided a few months in to very unceremoniously remove me from my position because I "was never able to attend events". There was only one event. It's not like I even wanted to be treasurer, but I didn't appreciate the way the whole thing went down. Not that I'm still bitter about it or anything. We now have a new leader who called me up a few weeks ago and asked if I still wanted to be treasurer. I replied in the negative. I retired. I jumped ship. I felt so free. The first meeting with the new leader rolled around and she said we're having a bake sale at the motor pool. I offered to make muffins. She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said they cannot have the sale unless they have a treasurer to keep track of funds. Apparently I'm the only person around with treasurer certification and unless I agreed, she'd have to cancel the sale and our very limited funds would stay at very limited. She only needed me this ONE time. So I agreed to stay on until they find a new treasurer. WHAT ELSE COULD I DO? I am unable to say no. We have a chili cookoff fundraiser next week and who do you think is doing treasurer duty? I cannot escape.

* I had to drive into Nashville for an appointment today and I have some serious issues with Nashville drivers and how they use the road. I like to think of myself as fairly capable to driving in a city. I'd drive in Boston any day. But drivers in Boston don't suddenly decided to turn the farthest right lane into a parking lot whenever they so please. There I was, minding my own business in the farthest right lane when I noticed that on the other side of the intersection, the right hand lane suddenly because a parking lane and everyone driving in the right lane had to merge with the already crowded left lane. This is the second time I've dealt with this issue. IN WHAT CITY DOES THIS MAKE SENSE? Yet another thing I do not understand about the south.