yellow caution tape will not be part of my final patio decor

For months our landlord Little Jim has been saying we were going to get a patio in the backyard. I was very excited about this new addition to our backyard. We have a lovely yard and the only thing missing was a good place to put our chairs and AB's sandbox/pool/picnic table/wheel barrel/endless number of plastic yard toys. I had big plans of making it, as the Pottery Barn catalog calls it, "an outdoor oasis." From the way Jim talked it sounded like the patio would be up and ready by May but that didn't happen. Thanks to the steady stream of rain we've had for literal weeks on end, the patio men never showed up and I began to lose hope. 

Last week was sunny and patio day finally arrived. The Jims (Little Jim and his father Big Jim) decided to have the walkway in the front replaced at the same time. Annabelle was enthralled and kept calling out directions and asking questions. "You need to move a yittle to the right. No, the left. Why is he moving our sidewalk? What's that man's name? What's he doing with the path? Move to the left!" It was three days of free babysitting.

The whole operation caused a lot of excitement among the female members of our house. We spent a significant amount of time watching the proceedings and critiquing the workers. I'm not a concrete expert but that didn't stop me from evaluating their work. The Jims are obsessed with keeping the yard in pristine condition. The quality of care they give the grass is similar to the level expected at the White House. After the embarrassing condition of the lawn at our Fort Campbell home everyone is glad we aren't responsible for the yard work around here. I knew The Jims wouldn't be happy with the pile of dirt and rocks thrown onto the grass. 

I would have talked to the workers about it but I tried to avoid eye contact with them. One of them showed up unexpectedly a while ago to give an estimate. It was early in the morning and I saw him when I opened the blinds. He looked at me and I looked at him. Then he rang the doorbell and I ran upstairs to hide because I was in my pajamas with no bra on and I refuse to answer the door like that. 

Unfortunately the workers hit a snag. More specifically, they hit a sewer pipe and discovered a leak. Big Jim came over to assess and call the plumber. Neighbors Hippie Bob and Don met in our front yard to discuss the goings on.

The plumber came with his digger and dug a huge, 8 feet deep hole on the side of our driveway.

I cannot emphasis enough how bad it smelled. We had a gigantic pile of poop dirt in our driveway which is every bit as awful as it sounds. 

Please notice the classy yellow warning tape by the door. A third of the back yard was dug up, the entire front yard was covered with chunks of concrete and the pile of dirt was front and center to everyone who drove on our very busy street. None of it was an outdoor oasis. Thankfully The Jims have been by every day to fill the holes and plant new grass. I don't know what they'd do without Annabelle there to tell them about her potty training and popsicle eating while they worked. 

In the midst of the hullabaloo, Hippie Bob decided to try out his new lawn mower in our yard. He has his own yard but I guess ours was more appealing. He did one strip down the middle then left.

Needless to say he will not be added to The Jims lawn crew.