needless to say, I would not do well in prison

I just returned from a trip downtown where I almost died. 

That's a little dramatic but welcome to my life!

I got lost getting there because I took what I thought would be a shortcut. It was not. Instead, it was a lengthy trip through the shadiest parts of town. A homeless and overly enthusiastic man came up to the car as soon as I parked and kept knocking on my window. I don't mind giving to the homeless, but I don't appreciate it when they're knocking on my window asking for money and I have to pretend that I can't roll down the window because it's broken. I mimed that the window was broken and I didn't have extra cash for several long minutes until he went to bother someone else on the other side of my car. I watched like a hawk until he moved then grabbed my child and my purse and dashed into the building. I made sure my favorite lipgloss was in my purse so I'd still have it in case my car was stolen while we were in the office. I need my lips to look good when answering police questions!

I was downtown filing paperwork because I am now a working woman. I say working in the loosest definition of the word. I got a VERY parttime job working at a make-your-own wooden sign studio. It fills the creative void in my life and usually I work when Annabelle is at school so I don't miss out on much time with her. It's only a few hours a month, about 15, but I feel extremely professional. I haven't made money in so long I feel like a millionaire. 

Actual footage of me leaving the studio.

The studio sells wine and beer during the night classes so I had to get an alcohol distribution license. Practically overnight I've become a working woman and a bartender which is not something I could have predicted at the beginning of the year.

The city had to do a background check and the results came back within three weeks. The foster care people also needed to do a background check and even though we submitted it in January, we've heard nothing but crickets. They're doing a very thorough check. I have a squeaky clean record so I'm pretty sure they won't find anything, but who knows what might pop up. Maybe they found out about the ONE time I accidentally walked in the out door at the grocery store. I'm such a rule follower I had to go back out the door and walk in the correct door. Maybe they found out that I'm almost on the Walmart watch list. I was told by a sales associate at Walmart that I can only return one more item without a receipt before I'm put on their watch list. I asked what that was and she said they'll watch me closely and not let me return anything. She could have been kidding but she was VERY serious and frankly, I don't want to find out the hard way that she was being serious. I felt like a criminal and I didn't even do anything wrong! If I go to prison I'll find a way to keep blogging about life on the inside.

The other big news around here is that for 48 hours we had a very small pet turtle. I found him while walking around the pond while Annabelle was at school. I walked by it at first because I thought it was a plastic toy turtle, but when I picked it up it wiggled its feet in protest. Back in the day, I would have thrown the turtle back into the pond, but I knew AB would like it so I brought it home. Motherhood makes you do weird things. Had there been a sign saying not to bring turtles home I would have left it but since I wasn't breaking any rules, off I drove with the turtle in a plastic container. I used some of my precious alone time making a suitable habitat for the turtle. I don't know much about turtles beyond what I picked up from the turtles in Finding Nemo, which means I know little to nothing. But I gave him some water, rocks and twigs and in short, created nothing less than a turtle heaven. 

I was so excited to Annabelle to see him when she got home. I didn't have time to give a "treat him with gentleness" speech before she picked him up and waved him around. I don't doubt that he got seasick. As they sing in The Band Perry song, he was the centerpiece of her obsession for the next couple of days. She changed the water numerous times, let him wander a few inches from his home and tried to feed him fish food. We tried a few names but nothing stuck until the name Gluten Free. She said, "It's shell looks kind of like pizza, the way it goes up on the edges. But not a regular pizza crust. Like, a gluten free crust." 

I didn't want to keep Gluten Free as the cats and Martin VanBuren the fish keep me plenty busy (not to mention the various diseases he might be carrying), but he was fun for a few days. We were going to bring him back to his pond but he wandered off into the yard, never to be seen again.

I hope "lost poor, innocent baby turtle" doesn't end up on my permanent record. That and the Walmart watch list would really push me over the edge into criminal activity.