In which AB requests to be interviewed but things go off the rails

What do you want to talk about?
About my school.
What about it?
It's fun. It's work through play. I like my friends. (She means learning through play.)
Who were your best friends there?
Teagan, Luke, Victoria and Arya. All three of them. Actually, just Victoria and Arya.
How did you like your old school?
It was fine. It was work like a boarding school.
How do you know what boarding school is like?
Cause I know all about it. Cause I heard of it before from Christopher Robin. If you wanted to be on an interview blog, whose blog would you want it to be? You type quickly. Are you supposed to type quickly?
Who's doing the interview here?

What makes you scared or lonely?
What makes me feel lonely is if you're at work and I'm at home and I kinda get a little worried about you. That makes me sad and lonely.
What makes you feel brave?
To have courage.
What is courage?
I don't know. Do you?

Tell me about your imaginary friends.
Ralph and Leah are on vacation but they're coming home. They'll meet us at MA. Massachusetts is fun at Grammy's apartment. Me and my Aunt Squiddzen go and have a lot of adventures together. Like one time we explored a tunnel. I will never go in there again!

Tell me a story about your life.
One time, it was the night before my birthday and I didn't want to turn 5.
Why not?
Because I liked being 4!
Do you not like being 5?
I do. The one thing I'm glad about being five is I can go to the Home Depot kids making things. I went just a couple days ago!

What's your favorite color?
Magenta and blue and green and purple. Dark, dark, dark, dark, dark purple. Look at the cats! They're sleeping!

Can you tell me a joke?
Do you remember the joke of gobble, gobble, google? Here's another joke about z,z,z. What did the zebra do all night? Zzz, zzz, zzz! Sleep!

If you wrote a book what would it be about?
It would be about soggy, wet, scratchy blankets on top of a blankie, on top of a blankie, on top of a blankie! Then there would be a whole stack on top of soggy, wet, scratchy blankets! Isn't that funny. Or I'd write about the Watermelon Princess and the surfing hampster. 

What kinds of things do I like to do?
You like to hold me. And you like to go in drawers. You go in there and snooze all day and never get any work done. 
I've never snoozed in a drawer!
I know but it's a silly answer! You like Daddy. You like black things and sparkly things. 
Who taught you how to wave like the queen?
You did.
What else have I taught you?
That feathers are made from birds. That if you put your fingers across it, you don't have a messed up feather anymore. You want me how to talk. How to write an A. How to say "hi Daddy." How to groom the cat's fur. How to read. 
What are your favorite things to do with me?
Tag and tickle and tickle tag! I like to spend time with you playing tickle and airplane.
How old am I?
48.
What size shoe do you think I have?
890? Maybe size 1.
How old is Dad?
45.
How strong is Daddy?
So strong! Like, a zillion strong! So strong.
What do you like to do with Daddy?
Get presents for you. Go to Home Depot and make the kids activities. 

I'm going to ask you some questions about America.
America! You know all about America! If I were you I'd spell my name.
Why would I spell your name when we're talking about America? 
It has hair.
What does?
America! It has hair! It has ears! America has cats scratching it all the time! 
Where does the president live?
In the 1890's? Or the 1880s. Get it?
No, I don't. I mean, what's the name of his house?
The Black House! I mean, the White House.
What is his wife called?
The First Lady. Can you read me this interview?

***

"Mama, what's squash bubbling?"
"Squash bubbling? Is it something in cooking? Where did you hear it?"
"It was in the Peter Pan movie. They were squash bubbling."

"I think the word is swashbuckling."
''That's what I said. Squash bubbling."
 

"I used midge pod at VBS. Do you ever use midge pod?"
"What's midge pod?"
"Do you mean modge podge?"

I hope she always mispronounces words.