this is no meek and timid mouse

Annabelle has the Dr. Suess book There's a Wocket in my Pocket!

It starts out like this:

Did you ever have the feeling there's a ZAMP in the LAMP?
Or a NINK in the SINK?
Or a WOSET in the CLOSET?

I'd like to add a new verse, written from my personal experience:

Or a MOUSE in your HOUSE?

That's right, folks. Two months ago there was unidentified poop on my stairs and this week there's a rodent.

I first heard it three nights ago. In my half-asleep stupor I thought the sound was coming from the monitor and that someone was stealing AB. I lay there for a few minutes trying to decide if  maybe I should do something about it. Note to others: YES. DO SOMETHING if you think your child is being kidnapped. Don't stop to think. Christopher's away for the week I had to handle the situation on my own. I got my trusty metal bat from under the bed and headed out the bedroom door. As I passed my bureau right by the bedroom door the scurrying got louder. I spent some time trying to figure out if it was behind the bureau or, horror of horrors, IN the bureau. You know what else I thought? 
"I wonder if it's really that giant spider from The Hobbit." Because Shelob the spider lives in Tennessee. It was 2:23am. I can't be held responsible for my thoughts or actions. I located the sound as coming from the panty. I opened the door a crack and the noise stopped. I'm no mouse exterminator so I didn't know what to do next except slam the door and stand there clutching the bat. I hoped the mouse was a fat one who couldn't squeeze under the door.

But he/she is a slim mouse who can escape from anything.

This morning I heard it behind the refrigerator. I was so mad at the darn thing I stopped rocking my baby, marched downstairs and moved the refrigerator. I am woman, hear my roar. I got a flashlight and banged around behind the refrigerator with the broom. I set up books on each side of it so the mouse couldn't escape. I didn't hear anything for a long time so I wondered if I may have squished it. G to the A to the G.

I wish I was kidding when I say that as I've been writing this, I HEARD THE MOUSE IN THE WALL.

Have I mentioned I've killed thirty five flies in my kitchen this week? That's no exaggeration.

Gotta go pack up my life. Time to drop an atomic bomb on this place and move on. It's the only way to deal with  all these animals taking over.