Saturday, November 21, 2015

stayed tuned for my review of the new Star Wars movie

Last night, in a GREAT ACT of love and dedication to my marriage, I went with Christopher to see the new James Bond movie. This is the third year in a row we've gone to see a JB movie in the theater so I've learned how to make the movie viewing experience pleasant for both of us. Namely, I read the plot on wikipedia beforehand and set my expectations for enjoying/understanding the movie VERY LOW. I saw the two hours twenty-eight minutes in a dark theater as the perfect opportunity to catch up on some sleep.

I have previously gone into great detail about my feelings (ie. confusion, annoyance, major eye rolling etc etc etc) about this series so I won't hash them out again, so it came as a huge surprise that this movie slightly surpassed my (again, very low) expectations. I won't be requesting to watch it again for another thirteen years, but I didn't get so bored I started counting popcorn kernels. That's just the rave review the director was hoping to get!

Naturally I have some things to say about the film:

+ It was as unrealistic as ever. James flew an airplane with both wings broken through the woods, crashed through a building, landed in a snowbank and walked out as if nothing had even happened. He didn't have a button loose or so much as a single hair out of place. Two days ago I walked the 25 feet between my car and the front door and it was so windy I literally couldn't see, I had so much hair in my face. My shirt blew up and my stomach was hanging out. And yet there are no wardrobe malfunctions when your plane is on fire?
+ Speaking of his wardrobe, JB has an exceptional tailor. His shirts never wrinkle. His clothes fit impeccably and somehow they never rip. You'd think wearing such tight pants would be an issue when running across a roof and jumping over a chimney but apparently not. I'm sure I'd have rips everywhere. Maybe he wears the suit version of jeggings? Suitings?
+ He's slept with approximately 47 women. How is he not a father yet? How is he still healthy?
+ Jimmy B is obviously getting old but he can still run like nobody's business. The last time I ran was when the mail I was putting in the mailbox blew out of my hand and I had to chase it down the road. Running is overrated. Blogging >jogging.
+ Finally, Mr. Bond is not the most expressive of men. I made a chart to help you understand his emotions.
I hope that clears things up.


cmmaxiecat said...

Thank you! That chart will come in handy when I get to go (ahem) later today to see the movie.

Jen said...

I've never seen any of the newer James Bond movies, they just seem boring.

Rachel said...

hahaha! I've successfully avoided seeing a single James Bond movie. My Dad took my sister to the theater to see this one--since mom and I refuse to go--this was the first James Bond movie she'd ever seen, and when she came back, I asked her how it was and she was's worse than any other action movie I've seen, Fast and Furious included. But she can't resist a free movie ticket, apparently...