Tuesday, June 28, 2011

An Interview with Squiddzy

Please answer the following questions even if they make you feel slightly uncomfortable and awkward. This is all in the name of future generations and posterity.

Since we last talked, you have amassed even more nicknames. Of the following, which do you think describes you best?
Betty Boop
Betty Lou

Why's that?
'Cause it's spi-cay. 
Which is the least appropriate?
Malena. I have never been called that in my life. It obviously was not meant for me.
I've heard you have strong feelings about the name Betty Boop. Do you have any comments?
It makes my blood boil. Notice the alliteration? Betty Boop makes my blood boil.

(We have to pause the interview because the interviewee just ran outside to look for the neighbors dog. I get the feeling she's not taking this very seriously.)

Why did you just leave in the middle of our interview? You're interviewing skills are slightly lacking.
Because I saw Chief!!!!!! 
But don't you remember that this is for posterity? 
I know, Sarah! big grin Well, laughter is the best medicine and if posterity wants to have me, I need to go out and laugh with Chief. 

How are you enjoying your stay with your (most favorite) sister?
I already answered that question!
No, you didn't. I didn't ask that question yet.
It's been miraculous and life-changing!
Would you care to elaborate?  
Because I never stood on a bureau before and flipped onto a bed.
That was life changing! 
Could you share any thoughts on your favorite brother-in-law?
My favorite brother in law? He's big. And strong! And he says, 'bay-bee.' 

(She is now laying on the floor waving her feet in the air while talking with a very weird accent.)

Tell us about the drive up here.
There was a lot of music of questionable nature. The driving was not too safe. But there was gum, so it was good.
Do you have any expectations about your stay at our lovely abode? 
My expectations are set very high. Very, very high. I have yet to experience the jacuzzi and the wine, but I'm hoping my excellent behavior will get me to that point. 
You do realize that we don't have a jacuzzi here, right?
Yeap. But I'm expecting you to get one. 

(I was just informed that the waving of her feet in the air and getting herself stuck in the stool is called Erratic Acrobatics-Be Moved.) 

What do you see yourself doing in five years?
That's a weighty question. Saving the world by supper time.
I think the Powerpuff Girls already saved the world by supper time
Oh, then I am going to develop an unsend button for emails and text messages to save innumerable rocky relationships.  
Do you have any other lofty goals for your life?
I am going to invent the hoodie-footie that has rainboots attached so you can go out in the rain in it.
Christopher and I might go puddle jumping next time it rains.
Oh really? Then you can use my hoodie-footie! Wait, five years? How old will that make me? 30? 40?
Do you remember that you're only 17?
Now I do. Why do you have so many doors in your house?
Who is the interviewer here?
I'm wondering why you have so many doors!
Because we have a lot of doorways that need doors.
Because what goes in must go out?

Moving on. What is the best movie or tv show you've seen recently?
Ice Road Truckers. Oh my gosh, that is so intense. This one time, they went down the road and it was NOT EVEN SLIPPERY and they slipped. And then they said, "bleep,bleep,bleep".
Is there a lot of bleeping on that show?
Very much bleeping. 
Do you ever CRY during movies? 
Always. I get very emotionally attached.
What type of movie really gets the waterworks going?
The kind of movie that plays music. And the kind where the dog runs across the field from one side and the boy runs across from the other side and they meet in the middle. That always gets me going. Also America's Funniest Home Videos.
Why does AFHV make you cry? Aren't you supposed to laugh at that show?
It's just heart-wrenching when everyone gets hurt.
It is indeed.
Maybe that's what I'll do in my next five years.
Put all the guys pants back on that get pulled off by dogs in AFHV. WHY are the people in the nude always the people you don't want to see in the nude?

Would you rather be a picture frame or a clock? 
Picture frame. So I could square my shoulders.
Would you rather be a Windows computer or a Mac?
Apple. No! Windows! No! I don't know!
You might not be my sister if you pick Apple.
Ok, then I pick Windows because when God closes a Mac He opens a Window!

That leads very nicely into our next question. What type of advice would you give Andrew's new baby if she was born today?
Never type in the dark because bad things happens. What comes out can be very awkward. 
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?
Never grow up to be like Nancy Pelosi.
What do you think her name will be?
Well, that's what I named her.
I think it might be Andrea.
Really? Love the name Andrea! Why do you think that?
Because Andrew has said for years and years that he likes that name. What type of uncle do you think Aaron will be?
Um. The silent type. 

Is there anything else you'd like to put out there for posterity before we conclude this interview. Any parting words? Anything you'd like to be remembered for?
Doing sing-alongs in the car bonds people faster than peanut butter and jelly bonds a sandwich. 

And there we have it- Squiddzen's/Squiddlebutt's/Betty Boop's/Squiddzy's words for posterity.

1 comment:

Laura Darling said...

When God closes a Mac he opens a window hahahaha. I laughed aloud. Also, I think everyone should take Elizabeth's advice about never growing up to be like Nancy Pelosi.