.thirty one.

Today is my birthday. I am not, as Sesame guessed, 17 or 69. I am 31. One of my family members so kindly told me I'm now closer to 40 than I am to 20 which is depressing. 

I honestly can't remember many specifics from this year (I think I blocked out parts of it) but I came up with a few things worth noting.

Trips: I took a 30th birthday trip to Maine with Autumn and Joanna.

 I saw Katie for the first time in 3 years. 

I went to West Virginia, Denver, and on a cruise. I went to Ohio to hug Michelle after too many months apart.

Shows: My current favorites are This Is Us, Million Little Things and Virgin River. I just started Sweet Magnolia's which is a mix of Gilmore Girls/Hart of Dixie/Hallmark small town movie. In other words, it's right up my alley and checks all the predictable chick-flick boxes.

Beauty: Incoco nail appliques. I love having painted nails but get so frustrated when I spend an hour painting them only to have them chip the next day. I found the Incoco nails at the beauty world headquarters that is Walmart.

I continued my hunt for the perfect mascara. It's been a long mascara road but someone has to bear the burden and I selflessly volunteer. I picked up a Rimmel mascara on sale because it said "buy one at $8.99, get one for $1.99" and if there's anything to will get me to plunk down cash it's a good sale. The second one kept ringing up at full price and I did not want to be that person who holds up the line, but I made her look at the sticker herself and even went so far as to wait for the manager to approve the price. Such cheap mascara is too good to pass up. I pair it with my L'Oreal primer and walk around town like this.

Celebrity sightings: Josh Groban, Josh Turner and Jimmy Carter. I did not get a picture with any of them but their people told my people they'll be in contact soon for a photoshoot and autograph. 

Books: I can't think of a favorite book I read this year. I didn't read nearly as much as I would have liked. I enjoyed What Alice Forgot, House Rules, and The Things We Do for Love.

Firsts: We bought a house. I was a stage mom at the dance recital. We survived (more accurately, are surviving) quarantine and life being turned on its head. I completed my first year of being a homeschool parent instead of a student. 

Negatives: I haven't been home to visit since early July and thanks to the current pandemic it could be a while. I saw several frogs. People close to me got very sick. I lost a baby in October and one in April. The latter has been an ongoing saga since February but that's a story for another day. 

Listened to: AB talk practically around the clock for the 362 days we were together since my last birthday. If I had to pick a soundtrack for the last year it would be ''Mom. Mama. Hey, Mom? Can I listen to my story? Mom! I'm hungry. What is the man doing? How many furs do you think Linus has? How many rocks are in my hand? What are the inside of planets made of? Can you google where my shoes are? Do I have email? Is it almost lunchtime?"

top ten days

Every so often when something especially wonderful and unexpected happens, I add it to my mental list of the best days of my life. I call them my top ten days. In no particular order, here are six of my top ten days.

1. The day I told Katie I was pregnant. I had a little bib made that said something about Auntie Katie and mailed to her house. We were face timing when she opened it and I could tell by the way she started giggling that she was about to make the same announcement to me. We will never get over the fact that our due dates were three days apart. It will always be one of the greatest joys of my life.

2. The day Aaron and Elizabeth were born. I had been asking Mom for a baby for months. I was adamant the baby be a sister. In one day I not only got a sister, I got TWO babies. I was thrilled. I didn't realize until years later how much extra work it was to suddenly have two babies when Mom was only expecting and prepared for one. All I knew was all my 5 year old dreams had come true.

3. The Spouse Spur ride. Shortly after we got married I joined Christopher at work for a spouse event. We got to ride in tanks, do an obstacle course and shot various guns. It's still some of the most fun I've ever had. 

4. The first Army ball I attended. I was so excited when Christopher invited me to a ball a few months after we met. I had no idea what to expect but I knew 1000% I wanted to go. I wore the bridesmaids dress for Daniel and Erika's wedding (I don't think it would fit over my thigh today) and Christopher paid for me to get my hair and nails done. I felt so special. Growing up, Elizabeth and I kept a running list of soldiers we saw. We didn't live near a post so we didn't see them often but we were always on the lookout. The ball was the first time I went on an Army post and out of habit I almost remarked to Christopher that I saw soldiers. No kidding. That's like pointing out grapes at a vineyard. Thankfully that was during my shy phase when I didn't say much to him so I didn't humiliate myself.

From another day on that same trip. This was the day Christopher asked what I wanted my engagement ring to look like. Let's not forget this was only the third visit we'd had since meeting.

Look at those young kids!

5. The day Daniel told me Erika was pregnant with Ivy. It is not an exaggeration to say I was more excited about her impending arrival than I was when I discovered I was pregnant. Daniel called to say they wouldn't be able to go to our cousin's wedding in April "because Erika will be too close to her due date to travel." I thought I misheard. Surely he meant a date she was due to close on a house at work. I asked for confirmation. "What kind of due date?" "Erika's. She's having a baby girl in May." I screamed and started to cry. I waited YEARS for them to have a baby. I had been planning their baby shower since they got engaged. I even had a personalized baby gift for them for that long. I was beyond thrilled. I instantly went to the store and bought a bib that said "my aunt is my bff." I told AB, who was only two at the time, that Auntie Erika had baby Ivy in her belly. I asked if she loved baby Ivy and she said, "I yove fried rice." I appreciate her food enthusiasm, but new babies top even fried rice.

They didn't tell anyone until she was past seven months pregnant then Ivy was born a month early so I only had to wait about eight weeks for her arrival. 

6. Josh Groban and Josh Turner concerts. Several years ago, Josh Groban was coming to a city near us and I so badly wanted to go. I didn't have the money for a ticket so I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be able to go. The day before the concert, Andrew surprised me with two tickets. I wasn't expecting it and to this day it's one of the best gifts I ever received. We sat next to the aisle about 10 rows from the front. At one point Josh walked down the aisle next to us as he was singing and momentarily held my hand. I repeat, WE HELD HANDS. It was one of the best moments of my life. If the security guard hadn't pushed him along I might have proposed. 

the bad, the good and the christmasy

The bad-
This has not been a great two weeks. I feel like every time I try to blog lately it ends up sounding I'm filing complaints with the Board of Life and Why Stuff Happens. But sometimes life isn't all glitter and bunnies (for Christopher a life of glitter would be a nightmare) and that's what I'm here to discuss today. Now is your chance to leave and look at perfect pictures on pinterest.

+ At the end of last week and the beginning of this week Annabelle was in the midst of her second round of bronchitis. Every night was rough. She had night terrors, she couldn't find her pacifier when it was in her hand and she couldn't figure out how to drink from the cup she sleeps with. I was so scared something would happen when I was asleep that I had her lay with me on the guest bed for a while. The next night was the complete opposite. She jibber jabbered until ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I cannot tell you the number of times I went in her room to give a piece of my mind about her behavior. She wanted her wand. She wanted to talk about Hungry, Hungry Hippos. She dropped (threw) Appletini out of the crib. She wanted more friends to sleep with. She wouldn't stop flipping the light switch on and off so I had to move the crib a foot away from the wall. It's interesting how bad nights happen when I'm just barely coming around to the idea of maybe sometime having another baby. A child who doesn't let you sleep more than 5 hours a night is the only birth control needed.
+ The pipes under the sink leaked and soaked everything in the cupboard below.
+ I got stuck in a snow storm and it took an hour to the drive 28 minutes home.
+ Annabelle's sleep strike leaked into nap time and she repeated the above nonsense for days.  
+ Every year I wrap presents while watching The Christmas Card. It's a cheesy movie but I love it and look forward to my tradition every year. Annabelle's nap strike reached a peaked on the afternoon I choose to watch it. She yelled to me for two hours. I eventually got her up and in an attempt to help she unorganized my cards and ripped wrapping paper, spilled her milk and knocked over her snack bowl. The whole thing was a disaster. 
+ Sesame dumped all her beads all over the kitchen floor, under the oven, down the cellar stairs and into every corner. I didn't think it through too well when I bought the extra large container of beads.
+ She spilled them again the next day. I've since hidden the beads and might accidentally on purpose forget where they are.

The day I finally checked myself into rehab.

+ We couldn't go to MOPS yesterday because I couldn't get the car out of the driveway due to snow. I've said it before and I'll say it again- I'm from Massachusetts and grew up dealing with snowy driveways. Not counting his 5 years at Fort Drum, Christopher has no snow experience to speak of. My word/advice on the subject should be taken as law and followed. All we have to do when it snows is shovel within an appropriate amount of time so we stay on top of the situation and we'll be able to get in and out of the driveway just fine. It snowed Wednesday night and Christopher said we didn't need to shovel, we'd just drive over the snow. This is what I was thinking on the inside.

Thursday morning I couldn't get out of the driveway. Last night he finally shoveled (or more accurately, "shoveled" because it didn't look that way to me). This morning I got stuck again. I'll spare you the memes of how that made me feel.

MOVING ON. Stay tuned for future installments of airing my grievances.

The good-
+ I love our Christmas trees this year. Nothing makes me happier at the end of the day than to sit on the couch in the quiet with the trees and mantle lit. 
+ One of Annabelle's favorite games for the last few months is wrapping toys and giving them to us or vice versa. She'll wrap them in whatever blanket or bit of paper she can find then makes a production of handing them out and singing Happy Birthday. There's only so many times you can feign enthusiasm for the same toy but it's so sweet. She wrapped these Christmas presents by herself and was so proud. Her favorite part is the tape. She thinks it's important to use half a roll on each gift.

The Christmasy-
+ We decorated our gingerbread house. I'm pleased that no one (read: me) allowed perfectionist or OCD tendencies to get in the way of a good time.

+ I'm glad I have a child who loves all things Christmas as much as I do. She says "YOOK, MOMMY!!! IT'S A  _______! I YOBE IT!" every single time she sees something Christmas related. It's like the first time every time.

+ The next movie on our Christmas watch list is my personal favorite- It's a Wonderful Life. If only I had been born 60 years earlier I would have been Mrs. Jimmy Stewart in a heartbeat.  

I'm resisting the urge to make a Hump Day comment

* Within a span of seven days the following items in our house broke: the heat, the hot water heater, the kitchen sink, the internet, and the water filter in the refrigerator. Our house is cursed. Who wants to come visit?

* I was recently reading an article about a team traveling to Mars. I was feeling jealous not to have been included when I read that it's a one-way trip. And just like that I decided I have no problem staying home. 

* At my last appointment the midwife was talking about birth plans. I didn't tell her I developed a plan called JITB, or Jack in the Box. It works like this: you pick a short tune, preferably a lullaby or some other child appropriate tune (extra parent points if it's educational), to be played you're while in labor. The song plays for 10-15 second before suddenly stopping. As soon as it stops the baby pops out and you have the worlds fastest delivery. Move over, Hypnobabies. There's a new method in town.

* I failed the glucose test on Monday so I go back on Friday for the 3 hour test. I anticipate
1. fainting from lack of food
2. being completely bored
3. failing again

* Since we're on the topic of my health, I had to find a new primary care doctor. I didn't know who to pick so I looked on the website of a large and popular doctors office in town. My method of narrowing down doctors was very scientific- Are they female? Do they look nice? Do I like their name? I am nothing but superficial. I eventually choose a doctor named Greta because she sidelines as a jazz gospel singer. This singing doctor discovery was almost as exciting as learning last summer that I had been assigned to a doctor named Mary Crawley. If you don't know who Mary Crawley is than I not sure we can be friends.

* Speaking of Mary Crawley, this season of Downton Abbey has already DONE ME IN. As if not having Matthew and his wonderful hair around isn't bad enough, now I have to hurt for Anna until the next episode. I MAY NEVER RECOVER.

I'm sorry this is so long. Maybe this year I'll learn to talk less.

Joining Jenn's New Year's party from halfway around the world.

What were some highlights/low points of 2013?
* Katie got married
* Christopher was gone for the month of January which OF COURSE means something would go wrong. In this case it worked out well for me that our neighbor got shot because it meant I temporarily moved in with Jenn.
* I went to a Josh Turner concert 
* We worked through not one but two very serious issues in our marriage
* We found a church we like
* I tried teaching Christopher the finer points of babysitting
* I used the internet to self-diagnose my ailments and survived some questionable driving situations all in one day
* Jenn and her people left me and I still miss them every day. Obviously it was a VERY LOW point in my year. I was still reeling when Aggie and her tiny munckins packed up and left.
* I went to Utah for a wedding and got stranded on the side of a mountain
* Sesame made his/her presence known
* We moved. Again. 
* I made new blog friends. (I'm especially looking at you, Michelle.) 

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I generally don't make resolutions anymore because I have a hard time keeping them, but I did achieve my personal goal of watching all 9 seasons of The Office. The other goal I kept was to make more crafts. I even managed to spend less time on the the computer which was difficult because I really love being nosy aka reading blogs at all hours of the day.

This year my goals should be:

* learn to survive on no sleep 

* get less gray hair (anyone know how to make this happen without the use of coloring?)
* open my own personal Dunkin Donuts in the garage

As far as serious goals go:
* learn to use my camera well
* finish my degree (I never talk about it here because I like to keep things happy and light, but I have been studying for a degree in early childhood education for the last 17 years and I am so ready for it to be OVER.) 

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Katie's sister Marylynn had little Rachel. I haven't met her yet but I like to consider her a niece.

Did anyone close to you die?Thankfully no. 

What countries did you visit?
I stayed in good ole US of A for 365 days, but you'd never know by what popped up on my phone when I drove into Kentucky.

I did visit a new state when I went to Utah in July. While there I went tubing, sat in a hot tub, and had various alcoholic fruity beverages which are basically all the things you shouldn't do when you are pregnant and don't know it.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you didn't have in 2013?
More visits with Katie, Autumn, Joanna and all my friends from home. More nausea-free days. 

What dates from 2013 will be etched upon your memory, and why? 
The day I told Christopher about Sesame (August 1st). I wanted to tell him when we moved into our new house so he didn't know until four days after I took the test. I can keep a secret like nobody's business. 

What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Completing the process of packing and moving to a new house without crying. Moving is very traumatic for me and I cry every single time we do it so that was big. I completed my 302 hours of student teaching in about two months. It was the loudest school I've ever spent time in so I was glad to escape with my hearing intact. Beyond that I don't feel like I did anything very monumental this year. 
But I suppose successfully carting around another human being for the last 180+ days is nothing to sneeze at.

What was your biggest failure?
I always compare myself to others too much.

What's the best thing you ate?
I had many good meals this year, but the best food overall award would probably go to potato chips or pizza. I have a very simple palette these days. 

What's the best thing you bought?
A sewing machine and a camera.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
Jenn and Aggie's husbands coming home. Going to see Josh Turner. Anna and Jillian's visit in the summer. Every time Christopher came home from work.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Volunteering. I volunteered at the children's hospital and preschool every week for years before getting married and I miss them both so much. 

What were your favorite TV programs?The Office and Downton Abby. I'm still distraught over Matthew's death. I loved him and his beautiful hair.

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
Hold on while I check my blog archives. I do remember that I turned 24. Christopher cooked me dinner and we went to our first dance class. He gave me 24 roses, a DD giftcard (he knows my love language), and a necklace. 

What kept you sane?
The big three- Christopher, chocolate and the occasional cry.

Tell me a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

First World Problems

When you have too many boards on pinterest with similar titles that you don’t know where to pin new things.

When your computer is dying and you don't feel like walking the 4 feet to the charger so you use it until it has 4% battery left.

When your boneless chicken has a bone.

When your taco shells are broken before you even take them out of the package. 

When the phone/ipad screen rotates and you can't make it rotate back.

When you pay $1.99 per episode of a show only to discover that you can watch it for free on the network website. 

When you try to watch another show for free on the network website and discover that it's no longer available. 

When you want to know the translation of a Spanish comment on Facebook but are too lazy to Google it.

When you buy the wrong type of toilet paper.

When Dunkin Donuts runs out of French Vanilla flavoring.

When Dunkin Donuts employees are not familiar with the finer points of making French vanilla ice coffee.

When you spend too much time thinking about dear Dunkin.

three's a charm

It's only the third day of the year and I'm already behind schedule. I wasn't going to do a 2012 recap because this entire blog is a recap, but here I am, jumping on the year in review bandwagon.

It looks like the lucky number last year was 3.

I made three new friends who I love them SO MUCH. They're all smiles (except when Sam is grumpy which is 88% of the time), kissable cheeks and chubby thighs (I'm not talking about you, Jenn! I'm talking about Molly!), and chocolate. I really don't know why you're at this blog when you could be visiting them.

I turned 23 and spent the weekend in Washington DC.

I visited three presidential homes. I was not invited to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. but hope springs eternal.

I lived in three new homes which meant three different living rooms and three different furniture sets.

I've veered slightly off the three path and attended four Army events worth noting. Attending the FRG treasure class is hardly worth mentioning.

I wonder if the prominent number for this year will be four. Maybe I'll have quadruplets. That would throw a little bit of crazy into things.

the grass on my side of the fence is a lovely shade of green

Monday night I lay in bed thinking about all the things that had gone wrong in my day. After about twenty minutes of having a pity party with myself, I decided I really didn’t have much to complain about.

I was frustrated with the doctor for not understanding what I was saying. But that means I’m able to see a doctor whenever I need one.

I was annoyed to sit in the pharmacy waiting room for almost an hour only to not get the correct medicine. But that means I have access to medicine.

I was irritated that it was raining and the umbrella was in the other car. But that means we’re not in the middle of a drought.

I felt my vanity was bruised because my favorite jeans don’t fit as well as they used to. But that means I have food to eat.

I didn't feel like cleaning the cooktop again. But that means I have a nice kitchen.

I was sad that I don’t get to see Zachary and Molly as much since I’ve moved. But moving means that I get to make friends like Jenn and fall in love with her little munchkins.

I got slightly bothered because we don’t have the same idea of how to decorate the house. But that means I have a house to live in, things to decorate it with, and someone to dance with on Sunday nights.

When I looked at it that way, I really didn’t have much to complain about at all.

iPhone, uPhone

I got a new phone recently.

For some people that wouldn't be worth mentioning, but my old phone was from 1943 so moving to a 2012 phone was quite the leap.

(Was it necessary to put the arrows and dates? Sometimes I have a sneaking suspicion that I point out the obvious.)

For months I said I DID NOT want a phone with internet access. I didn't need a phone to make me coffee or sings lullabies. All I needed was a phone that made calls, sent texts, and took pictures. (I'm pretty sure those last two were on the list of requirements Alexander Graham Bell's mother had when she got her first phone.) I feel like I spend more than enough time on blogs/facebook/google/more blogs/"research" for my blog/various websites so I didn't want to carry around a little internet in my pocket. Mr. iPhone (aka Christopher) did his best to talk me into a smartphone. He kept saying it's important to stay up to date with technology so that when I'm old I'll be able to keep up. I think he's afraid I'll become like the elderly man we heard on the radio who said, "You can visit our world wide website any time you want. It's really great because that website is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." I was under the impression that most websites operate on a 24/7 basis, but apparently he wasn't. I kept saying that I am perfectly capable of using smartphones and whatever technology comes down the road right now, but I have no plans on being technologically inclined when I'm 68. I will be perfectly happy to attend Red Hat Society meetings and talk about my grandchildren. Besides, I think it's a little early to be worried about what technology I'll have to face in 40 years. My big concern right now is what to make for supper.

Fast forward to our visit to the Verizon store. I had to convince the salesman that I would not die if I didn't have the internet, so please point me in the direction of the (apparently) old fashioned phones. He showed me a particular phone that met my requirements but alas, it had an ugly background that couldn't be changed (total First World problem!). I asked if there were any others and he said no, not unless I ventured into the land of smartphones.  It took two grown men to talk me into getting a phone with internet.  The salesman pointed out I could update my Facebook status while I was out shopping, but that wasn’t a good argument as that’s exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Finally he told me the smartphones were $50 cheaper than the others. Well. He should have just mentioned that in the beginning because that won me over. Think of all the necessities like picture frames and scrapbook paper food and gas I could buy with those $50!

And there you have it.- the lengthy story behind my new phone. Brevity was never one of my finer qualities.

For the record, Mr. iPhone needed me to explain the ins and out of Twitter. Maybe we should be a little concerned with how well he handles new technology.

(ps. I still only use the phone for calls, texts and photos. The Verizon man would be disappointed at the lack of witty statuses updated-from-my-phone.) 

a few facts

Fact: The day after I saw the mayor, I went to the bank to sort out debit card issues. The lady at the desk asked for my license and after investigating it, she looked at me and said, “Do you realize this expired?”  Excuse me? “It did. Look at it.” I looked at it and to my horror discovered that it expired IN MAY. I was in shock. I was mortified. I FELT LIKE A CRIMINAL. 

Fact: I have driven in six states since May.

Fact: Blogging from jail would have taken this blog in a whole new direction.

Fact: One of the reasons I decided to renew my license in my home state and not get one from my current state is quite simple. There’s simply NO WAY on earth I’ll ever again get as good a license picture as the one on that Massachusetts license. It really is impressive. (I don’t believe I’ve ever said anything quite so vain.)  

Fact: I just finished putting pictures up on the wall. Despite my best measuring/penciling/tipping my head to the side efforts, I hammered in and pulled out each nail twice. At least I have a real hammer this time. We didn’t have one at our last house (technically we had one but it was in storage and OH MY GOODNESS HERE I GO WITH TOO MANY DETAILS AGAIN) so I used the bottom of a glass pepper grinder.  

Fact: Last night Christopher was explaining something to me and he said, “It’s like the difference in gas consumption between a Prius and an Expedition.” It’s humorous that he thinks I would know about gas consumption in different vehicles. All I am generally interested in when it comes to cars is the color. 

updates on various topics

My hair
I went to a new hairdresser last week. As a curly-headed person, it's always worrisome visiting a new hairdresser because you don't want to leave the place looking like this:

The hairdresser was nice, but she way over-shared her knowledge of hair follicles, split ends and top of the line shampoo. She even tried to sell me a shampoo/condition made primarily of caviar. I was very polite and (tried to) responded with the appropriate level of enthusiasm, but inside I was thinking, "I have a strict grocery budget so there's no way I'm going to pay $65 TO PUT FISH EGGS IN MY HAIR."

Church
Our first Sunday here we went to a new church. We visited that church when we came in May, but this time we went to Sunday school. The man who greeted us at the door asked if we wanted to be in the 20's class or the 30-40's class. Such questions always present us with a problem because I'm 23 but Christopher is very old will be 30 in November. We ended up in the class with the 30-40 year olds but really, everyone in the class seemed like a spring chicken compared to our last Sunday school class. The average age at that class was 65.
I absolutely do not enjoy speaking in situations where everyone sits around watching, but unfortunately for me, that's the recipe for interactive Sunday schools. Here's an example of why I sit there very quietly and let Christopher do all the talking.

George (the SS teacher): "So Sarah, you're a military wife, right?"
Me: "Yes."
George: "And sometimes Christopher goes out on training or to the field and you are left at home?"
Me: "Yes." (I am so eloquent!) 
George: "What do you do when Christopher's not at home?"
Me: (what I said in my head- He really wants to know what I do? What am I supposed to say? I don't want to say that I read, eat, scrapbook, eat snacks and occasionally watch a movie. Maybe I should say I planted flowers one time. Maybe grocery shopping is the right answer. Why does he want to know what I do??) "Ummm..."
George: "You hold down the fort, don't you? You make sure everything runs smoothly."
Me: "Oh. OH. Yes. That's right. That's what I do."

Those were the only words I ever spoke in that class.

Movies
We went to see the new Bourne movie the other day.

That was a rather frustrating experience.

This is not an update so much as a few tips from someone who had A LOT of unanswered questions when she left the theater.
1. The guy in the woods at the beginning is the same guy who saves the lady from being shot in her house. Don't spend 45 minutes of your life wondering when the guy from the woods is going to appear again. He did appear; he just looked different because he shaved. Never has facial hair made me so frustrated.
2. Jason Bourne is not in the movie so don't keep wondering when he's going to make some sort of unrealistic entrance. I don't know why they called it a Bourne movie if HE WASN'T EVEN IN IT. If they had called it the Aaron Cross Legacy I would have enjoyed the movie a little bit more.
3. If 55 minutes into the movie you have asked your version of Christopher 18 questions and he's only known the answer to 3 of them, it may be time to reassess your movie choices.
4. Eat some popcorn.
5. Declare the next month a girly movies only month.

it doesn't help that I frequently confuse zip code and area code

One of my least favorite questions these days is, “what’s your zip code?” I always have to put on my thinking cap (it’s a very cute cap, by the way) and try to decide which of my five zip codes would be the best answer given the circumstance. Do they want the Massachusetts zip code? The New York zip code? The other New York zip code? The zip code formerly associated with our debit card? Our current zip code? This is what moving four times in less than a year will do to a person. 

In an attempt to solve this problem, I wrote down our address on a piece of paper and stuck it in my wallet to pull out at any time. I thought it would be so convenient to have it written out, thereby freeing me from having to go through the work of putting on my thinking cap. The only problem with this otherwise flawless plan was that the address on the paper does not match where we currently live, thereby making it null and void. This was discovered on numerous occasions when I was forced to write out our current zip code only to came face to face with the zip code of our other New York address. If you know any secretaries looking for a job, please send them my way.

To further complicate things, for the first time we have a license plate on our car that matches the state we live in. For most people this wouldn’t be an issue, but the whole time we've been married our car had a Mississippi plate which made it relatively easy to locate in most parking lots. You would think that would have stopped us from walking up and down numerous parking lots because we lost our car AGAIN, while I poked fun at Christopher because the scout couldn’t find his own car (that’s a joke that doesn’t grow old), but it didn’t.  My usual plan in parking lots is to park next to an obnoxious/can’t lose it car while I do my shopping so that when I come out, I only have to look for the obnoxious car, not ours. As you may have guessed, that plan only works IF THE OBNOXIOUS CAR IS STILL THERE. If not, we’re back to square one.

Since we’re on the subject of cars, for a while the clock in our truck was all messed up so in order to figure out the time, you had to do math. While driving. It’s a wonder I’m still here. I figured out that in order to know the correct time, you had to subtract 5 from the hour shown and add 7 to the minutes shown. Even then, the clock was finicky so sometimes it changed on me and I’d have to figure out the new time formula. And you know what? The only way to be SURE you had the correct time was to look at a watch or cell phone, in which case you didn't need to do the math anyway. It was so confusing. But like they say, it’s five o’clock somewhere. 

More about my current mouth situation. I'm sorry.

Well, I'm alive and but not exactly kicking.

I've spent the majority of the week lying on the couch while a) holding ice packs and heating pads up to my face, and b) asking when I could take more painkillers. I watched the occasional movie, read a little, and contemplated which body parts could have been removed instead of my teeth so I wouldn't have to give up eating food. Let me tell you, it's not easy trying to eat when you can only open your mouth 2.5 centimeters. The latest issue I've had to deal with is not smiling or laughing. If anyone does anything remotely funny, I have to hold my face in my hands and try to laugh because it makes my face feel like it's simultaneously burning and being pulled apart AND THAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD. Apparently my family thinks I look funny when I do this. They always start laughing more and run to get the camera. They are so sympathetic to my plight.

I did do something productive during my medicine induced less-pain-than-normal moments: I hand sewed the little birdie on this onesie for baby Eliana at church. 

I wish little Eliana a lifetime of happiness and joy. May she never experience the removal of four impacted wisdom teeth. 

Don't Make Me Laugh, and Other Tooth Tales.

The day as documented by Elizabeth.

When it comes down to it, all I can say is that God certainly created Jello with a purpose.

On Monday, March 19, Sarah, accompanied by her mother and I, groggily waved goodbye to her wisdom teeth. At least, that is how we imagine it played out. Not being by her side throughout the procedure, we can only guess at the details. She does say, though, that the doctor (who we shall henceforth refer to as Dr. Pullgood) rolled his eyes at the nurses on more than one occasion.

When the nurse in the blue clothes summoned mom and I into the recovery room, Sarah met us with a moan. “My arm got THIS big,” said she, indicating a hill-sized area above her wrist. Apparently, the nurses experienced some technical difficulties while attempting to insert the needle for the iv. Doing my best not to cry at her weakened condition, I assured her that it really would be alright and placed Grace, my favorite lamb, by her lucky socks for moral support. 

Coming in close behind, Mom, Sarah’s other faithful supporter, quickly took possession of a very sketchy chair. For a second I grew indecisive in my protector instincts, unsure whether to instate disaster control in the unfortunate event of the collapse of my mother’s seat, or to somehow silence the groans coming from the cot. Thankfully, at this uncomfortable moment, Dr. Pullgood made his appearance in the doorway. He. Had. No. Hair. Quickly and concisely, he mentioned Sarah’s stellar performance in the surgery room. Bathed in humility, Sarah nodded painfully and poked gingerly at the wads of gauze streaming from her mouth. Personally, I doubt very much that she heard a word of what he said as he instructed us on how to care for someone who has just lost half her teeth. 

He spoke.
She poked.
He spoke.
She poked.

Finally, following a good deal of directions and cautions, he made his exit, murmuring something about genetics and marveling to himself  how all three of us looked exactly the same. Why thank you, sir. After all, don’t we all want to look this stunning? (She also made sure to check her fan mail at the first possible opportunity. :P)

By the time we walked out the door, a nurse on one side and mom on the other and she was telling the story yet again. "My arm...got THIS big." Yes, dear. I know. You told us that already. Let's just get you home and give you some Jello.

While our feminine parental unit was picking The Twin up at track, Sarah and I settled onto the couch for some quality sister time. This included Sarah’s computer and her very own personal container of lemon sorbet which, keeping Dr. Pullgood’s instructions in mind, I smooshed up in the microwave. She sucked away contentedly while I leaned back and kept an eye on her progress. The birds sang outside the open windows and the setting sun shone warmly behind us. All seemed right with the world.  Soon Josh Turner’s “Time Is Love” music video filled the screen, bedazzling both of us as we gazed dreamily on. Me: Ahhhhhhhhh, he is SO handsome.  Sarah: Mmmmmmmm… Me: *in a distracted tone* I think living in a home with 13 girls had made me appreciate guys more… Sarah: Well, *drinks from sorbet carton* I only live with one guy and I sure appreciate this one. *points to screen with bandaged arm* Me: Uuhhhhhhm… Sarah: *groggily* wait…..I…..*slurp* …I don’t think… *slurp* …that came out right…

Ok then. Why don't we go back to discussing how BIG your arm got.


Ahhh, I love my sister :D

I wonder what exciting medical issues tomorrow will bring

Today I went to the urgent care clinic. I had been feeling nauseous and headachy on and off since the Carbon Monoxide Incident, so I went to visit those who wear white coats and stethoscopes. I hadn't done any form of exercise lately, so I decided that I would go to the doctor after Zumba. After forty minutes my stomach protested my decision to jump, lunge, and generally move in ways that caused discomfort, so I left before the class was done. I had to do some in depth thinking about which medical facility to visit. I considered trying to get an appointment with a regular doctor at the clinic, but they don't believe in prompt scheduling so I probably couldn't get in for two weeks. That left the hospital and the urgent care clinic. I swore after The Great Plague of 2011 that I was not going back to the urgent care clinic (something about being told that a heart rate of 134 was "nothing to worry about" didn't really sit right with me), but I decided it would be the best place to go today. The hospital was ruled out because even though I visited twice during The Great Plague, I'm not entirely sure how to get there.

I filled out the required paperwork at the UCC (see that? I'm a Army wife throwing around acronyms!!) then sat down to wait. And wait. And wait some more. I don't think the powers that be understand the full meaning of the word URGENT. My fellow waiting room companions were a woman with a horrendous cold, a boy with an infected hand, and a soldier waiting to get a rabies shot. I don't think his companion was thrilled with the wait because he suggested that the nurse throw the needle like a football over the counter, across the waiting room, and into the man so they could leave. That would have been much more entertaining than the soap opera on the tv.

Finally they called me back and subjected me to a question I find most difficult to answer: are you pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant? What exactly is their definition of "planning on"? Do I plan on producing a small person sometime within the next five years? Yes. Within the next month? No. Welcome to my brain. I was told that I do not have CO2 poisoning. I simply have a some form of virus and was prescribed an anti-nausea medication.  

You know what I had to do after leaving that doctor? Call my oral surgeon to ask if I could take the medicine because I'm having my wisdom teeth removed on Monday and was told not to take certain prescriptions. My life is full of doctors and medical questions! The nurse at the oral surgeon's office and I had this delightful conversation:
Me: It's spelled Z-O-F-R-A-N
Her: G as in girl, O...
Me: Z as in zoo, O, F
Her: Z as in zoo, O, S as in Sam
Me: Z-O-F as in Fran
Her: Z-O-F-what's the next letter?
Me: R. Then A and N
Her: Z-O-F-R-A-what did you say?
Me: N as in night. Night as in N, not knight as in K.

Here's hoping for less confusion when four teeth are removed from my mouth.

I'm quite the expert at singing national anthems

After four days, I think it's safe to say we're settled into our new home. "Settled" really is a very relative term when we’ll be here for less than two months, but this is our home for now. I feel like inviting Carrie Underwood over to serenade us with Temporary Home. 

On Tuesday I went to get an oil change for the truck. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I am not about to say I had another embarrassing experience at the mechanics. I never got to the mechanics because I got lost. There I was, wandering the roads of upstate New York without food or drink for a good hour. It didn't take me long to discover that all corn fields look the same and that REALLY didn't help my current situation any. 

I finally made it back to home sweet home and decided a good cup of coffee might help calm my nerves. Something went awry in my coffee/water ratio calculations and I ended up with the most watered down coffee I have ever had. It was not one of my favorite afternoons ever.

On to more cheerful topics. This is the view I see every morning when I wake up.

 The United States is in the foreground and Canada is in the back.

My morning ritual goes something like this: wake up, eventually decide to get out of bed, immediately walk to the door and look out at The View. I like to make sure Canada and the United States are still there, side by side. I always feel I should sing O Canada and The Star Spangled Banner at such moments.

Then I decide maybe I should spend my time doing things like making coffee correctly.