Thursday, October 9, 2014

Welcome to my pity party

* I was crazy enough to think an 8:15 appointment was a good idea.
* I had a mascara related accident which resulted in mascara all over my hands.
* I didn't dress Sesame in warm enough clothes.
* It was threatening to rain. If there's anything I dislike it's doing errands in the rain. It's 15 times worse with a baby.
* I got stuck behind four school buses.
* My cd was skipping.
* I couldn't find a parking spot. 
* My brand new necklace that I love got caught on something and broke.
All this before eight o'clock.
* The receptionist gave me paperwork to fill out. None of the questions made sense. Why would they ask if Annabelle is pregnant or likely to become pregnant in the next 30 days? Why would they ask if she's been feeling suicidal? I asked the nurse and she said I filled the adult patient paper. Annabelle is the only one in our family who goes there but they've given me the adult paper each time. They haven't yet made the connection that I am not the patient for well baby appointments. 
* The nurse scolded me for letting Annabelle chew on raw carrot sticks. It's "too much of a chocking hazard." It's not like I'm handing her a container of marbles.
* The doctor talked me to for 30 minutes about how Annabelle's weight dropped slightly. She went from the 9th percentile at five months to below 0 percentile (how does that even make mathematical sense) at six months so she needs to start drinking formula and have more calories. She even threw out the term "failure to thrive" while Annabelle was bouncing around on my lap while laughing and VERY MUCH not failing. She lost 1oz since she was there on September 26th. It's not like she's back to her birth weight. The doctor wants her to gain a pound by Tuesday. YEAH RIGHT.
* I almost cried in the office.
* I sat Annabelle on the exam table but accidentally placed her on a little indent and she almost fell onto the floor.
* I cried on the way home.
* I put a pot of water on the stove to boil and walked away for a few minutes. A few minutes later I smelled something funny and upon investigation, it became clear that I turned on the wrong burner. The plastic wrap covering one of my very favorite fall plates holding my homemade sugar cookies was melting and I watched as the plated cracked in half. I lost the plate and the cookies I was going to eat to make myself feel better.
* We're almost out of diapers.

I'm going to sit upstairs on the couch and watch a movie. I hope the tv works and the couch doesn't break. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

For those keeping track at home, this is the 15th time we've needed maintenance people this year.

Subtitled: They might as well move into the guestroom

I feel like I've had next to nothing to blog about lately. We don't sit at home doing nothing, but most of what we do doesn't seem worth mentioning and sometimes I want things to talk about besides what the baby is doing. Shot me if I ever write something along the lines of "Annabelle can move her toes! Call Brian Williams and the evening news! Get the Harvard application!" 

* I joined a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group last week. I was almost too chicken to get out of the car because I knew I wouldn't know anyone, but I can't complain about not having friends with kids nearby if I don't make an effort. They gave me a paper to fill about Annabelle and I almost put "forget the clean diaper, she must always be wearing a bow" on the line for special instructions, but I don't want to be seen as the difficult mom right off the bat. 

The director gave me a box of craft supplies and told me to make a name tag. There weren't any stencils in the box so CUE THE OCD PANIC. I stopped short of digging through a closet to find a cup to trace so I'd have the perfect circle. 

The guest speaker was a woman who survived breast cancer and now owns a wig and bra store. She talked about bras for 58 minute. I had no idea there was so much to say on the topic. My usual criteria is that I like the color.

* We got Annabelle a jumperoo. You know who refuses to pay $129 on a toy that has more buttons than my car? Me. You know who doesn't care that she has the low-end jumperoo? This girl.
Her favorite toy is the tithing envelope at church so I expect she'll be happy as a clam when I stick her in a cardboard box and call it a playpen.

* The maintenance man is here for the fourth time in three weeks to fix our heating and cooling problems. He asked if I know where the handles for the air port vents are located. Excuse me? The what? I know nothing about our heating and cooling systems except THEY DON'T WORK. 

I just remembered the time different maintenance men came earlier in the year. I was pregnant and in the very pits of despair and morning sickness. I was stumbling around with mismatched pajamas, a messy bun, and most certainly no makeup. I looked like death. I know what you're thinking- "Christopher is a lucky guy to have married such an attractive woman!" I sat at the table, crying and trying to keep down a muffin when who should appear at our door but two maintenance men. They weren't scheduled to come until Thursday and it was only Tuesday.  They kept ringing and I kept sitting there refusing to answer the door in such a state. We have a window near the door and I knew it was only a matter of time before they looked through and saw me. I slid off the chair and crawled over to the kitchen away from view. I was so proud of myself for such stealthy moves. I was sure the next person to knock on the door would be a Special Forces recruiter. A few minutes went by without noise from the guys so I decided to see if they were still there. Here's where I encountered a flaw in my perfect plan. The only way to see the door from the kitchen was for me to crawl around the corner into view. I looked once and they saw me. The guy was looking in the window. I sat on the floor while they continued to knock because I would not let them win. Fifteen minutes later they left. I spent the rest of the day drafting a speech in my head about how they shouldn't show up unannounced on the wrong day at the home of someone with a VERY DELICATE stomach and emotional state. 

That afternoon I took a three hour nap because sitting on the kitchen floor is exhausting.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

little butterfly

No one should be surprised I had a butterfly dress hanging in the closet waiting for the day we'd go to a butterfly festival.
I've always been one for attending events in themed clothing.
*bonus picture*
Three seconds later she fell on her nose.
Balance isn't one of her strong points.

Monday, September 29, 2014

six month Annabelle

At the exact moment I turned 6 months old we were leaving the Cracker Barrel parking lot.
Daddy always makes me smile!
Vital statistics: I weigh 12 lbs. 9 oz. Mom said she thought I was around 13 or 14lbs. Do I look like a chubby baby?

I dislike: bananas and sleeping for more than 6 hours in a row


My favorite toys are: paper, plastic medicine droppers, hair, eating mail, my rubber ducky


Milestones of my young life this month:
* I roll all over the place. Once Mom wasn't paying attention to me and when Dad asked where I was, she said I was playing on the rug. Except I wasn't. I rolled myself into the corner and nobody knew.
* I just learned how to sit up!
* I tried a lot of food this month. I like carrots, kale, limes, cantaloupe, peppers and apples.
* I hung out with Mom all week while Dad was in the field. I was so glad when he came back.
* I like to wave at everyone and everything with both arms.
* I went to the pet store. Mom was more excited than I was.  

Editorial comments- Five months was not my favorite age so far. She's so fun to play with, but she spent most of the month whining, pulling at her ears, boycotting naps and not sleeping through the night. The fact that she went a week without a dirty diaper didn't help. If she ends up in therapy later in life it will be from the day the doctor told us to use a suppository. I might end up in therapy for that too. 
As fun as it will be to have her first birthday party, I am in NO RUSH. I can't handle how fast she's growing. 
I'm sorry your baby isn't as cute as mine.

Friday, September 26, 2014

my green thumb turned black very quickly

This was my garden a few weeks ago. The tomatoes were out of control and smothering the peppers and basil. The marigolds never even had a chance. Even though it looks like a disaster zone, it was the most abundant garden I ever had. You don't know how many times I patted myself on the back this summer after making tomato sauce from tomatoes I grew. My gardening skilz were second to none. 
I bought this plant at Christmas time and have done absolutely nothing with it except occasionally water it and move it from the front porch to the back deck. I showed it to Annabelle the other day and told her that although the plant seemed dead, but it must still be alive because the berries were as vibrant as ever. (Science lesson of the day!) Plants flourish in my presence. 
 Then I picked up a branch to show her and low and behold, THE BERRIES ARE FAKE AND ATTACHED WITH WIRE.
That was the day I lost my Garden Club of America card.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I tried thinking of a creative title but for once I'm out of words

Last weekend I went to the dotMom conference in Nashville. I'd like to say I went purely because I wanted to be encouraged as I train my young child to walk the pathway of the Lord, but that's only 10% accurate. The other ninety percent is three of my favorite bloggers were going and I wanted to meet them. In case it hasn't been made glaringly obvious over the years, I would rather be bitten by a thousand mosquitos than talk to strangers, yet I paid $68 to attend an event in the hopes of meeting three. Sometimes I do not understand myself. 

Number one on my agenda (hello, my name is Sarah and I'm a stalker) was Kelly. Christopher and I met through her blog and I feel deeply indebted to her for being partially responsible for the number of times we've moved both my husband and my baby. I was walking down the hallway when she walked by going the opposite direction. I was 99.99% sure it was her, but I was still recovering from the embarrassing incident five minutes earlier when I walked up to a girl I was convinced I knew from my birth class only to discover that it wasn't. I didn't want a repeat awkward moment so I almost didn't follow Kelly, but I decided to be all carpe diem so I swung around and chased her into a classroom. I hope Annabelle follows the example of ladylike behavior I showed that day.   
Annabelle was trying to give Kelly a fist bump.


Kelly was so sweet. I'm sure I blew her away with my wit and smoothness. NOT. I was so nervous that I blurted out, "My friend Laura said to tell you she said hi." LAURA SAID NO SUCH THING. I don't know where that came from. Once it was out of my mouth I couldn't get it back. I'm sure Laura would have asked me to pass along the message but she didn't. Kelly, if you ever read this I want you to know I didn't mean to lie. 

The next day I was still on my Kelly high and had my goals set on meeting Sophie and Melanie. Elizabeth cheered me on from Massachusetts.
We have a caps button and know how to use it.
I want to say for the record that all the mens rooms were converted to ladies room for the event.
The line was shorter than the line for the ladies room (OF COURSE) and I'm all about expediting the bathroom process. I wasn't hanging out in the mens room for the fun of it and I CERTAINLY did not use the urinal.
I didn't find them in the mens room but tracked them down like a hound dog bumped into them in the hallway. Ok, maybe it was an intentionally bumping into but let's not get caught up on technicalities. All that matters is I found them.
I learned something last weekend that I'm fairly certain the coordinators of dotMom didn't plan on- I am really good at chasing people down. All I'm saying is Brad Paisley better watch out.