Friday, May 25, 2018

party girl

I didn't think this day would come but here we are. 

I am partied out.

My party planning protégé has played birthday party almost every day for the last two years. Her imaginary friends Goldbug and Garby have both had birthdays every day since May 1st. Usually, the stuffed animals and imaginary friend family have their birthdays more spread out over the week but this birthday season has been extra busy. AB is constantly celebrating someone but we're not always invited. Lately, it's become more of a production.

HOLD THE PHONE. REAL LIFE UPDATE. I JUST SAW A MOUSE RUN THROUGH MY LIVING ROOM.

Stand by while I set fire to the place.

Back to the party situation. They're productions that require dessert, a talent for the talent show, and for all participants to bring gifts. She invites whoever is around (so it's always me) and gets offended if we don't show up with the proper level of enthusiasm. I love a good party and I'm proud of her for having a theme for each party but like I said, I am partied out. I used to bring good gifts to the parties but the other day I gave a broken crayon. I gave it in a tissue so at least it was wrapped. Tonight's party was swimming theme and she wanted us all to wear our bathing suits. I declined. We don't attend all the parties but I know someday she won't want me to play with her so I do my best to seem excited every single time. I thought the birthday party infatuation was a phase but it's been three years and I don't see it ending anytime soon.

She's planned a swimming party, a music party, a dancing party, a carrot peeling party, an animal party, a room cleaning party, a bed making party and a Bible party. She'll set up the kitchen like a party restaurant or the living room like a "party house." She finds snacks from the pantry and pours us tiny cups of tea. She'll put on a tutu over her favorite summer dress and top it off with an over sized white sweater.


Right now she's planning a circus party. I expect to be invited any minute now.

Monday, May 21, 2018

I promise I will not discuss the royals again for at least two weeks

The other day I said to Christopher, "I'm going to say something you don't care about at all." He replied, "Is it about the royals?"

Yes. Yes, it is.

This is been our marriage for the last several months:

Christopher: "Trump fired so and so and is looking for a replacement. North and South Korea had a discussion about the missile crisis. The economic structure of Botswana is in danger. The new ebola quarantine is not yet proven to be effective."

Sarah: "Do you think Kate pronounces the new baby's name as Louis or Louie? Who do you think will walk Meghs down the aisle? Why did we move to Georiga instead of London? Did you see Jenna Bush Hager's interview with Joanna Gaines? Do you want to make spinach artichoke dip this weekend?"

Our interests could not be more different.

I've spent the last few days recovering from and discussing the details of the Harry and Megh's wedding. I KNOW that's all I've talked about lately but it was a big occasion for me. I thought I needed to wake up at 4am to watch and I was prepared to set my alarm for 3:58. I considered sleeping in the living room so I wouldn't have to walk anywhere. I can't wake up early to exercise but I'll wake up early to watch people I've never met get married in another country. Thankfully my research revealed that I didn't have to wake up until closer to 6. It was still too early but I took one for the team.

Princess Sarah of Living Room, Couch and Pillows. Dutchesses of Snacks and Tea. 
Dutchess Annabelle of Sesameville and Honorary Drinker of Milk

The event did not disappoint. I love fancy. The more pomp and circumstance the better. All the silk and lace, flags and carriages made me so happy. Annabelle was enthralled too which made me very proud. She woke up right after the ceremony ended and was disappointed to miss the "churchy part." She loved the procession and spent the day turning all her toys into carriages and waving to the people. She needs the practice before her wedding to George.

After the wedding, we did a return at TJ Maxx, signed up for the summer reading program at the library and bought a plant for Benjamin "Little Blue" Harrison's tank. In short, I was reminded that I am simply a commoner. To be honest, I like my life as a commoner, fake crowns and all.

But if anyone wants to send me a real crown I won't turn it down.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Maybe we should rename the fish prince philip

Lately I've turned into a once a week blogger and it's not how I like to operate. I've had nothing interesting to blog about but yesterday I added a new member to our family and that seems worth mentioning.

We got a llama.


Just kidding. It's a fish but I wish it was a llama.


If was a very spur of the moment purchase. Generally, I wouldn't suggest adopting something that requires care as a spur of the moment purchase but a fish is a fish. It doesn't require potty training or make a mess painting. We've been wanting to get a new fish since our dearly beloved Millard T. Filmore swam to his watery grave in December. For two years he survived multiple weeks of us going on vacation and not finding him a fish sitter. He survived half the bottle of fish food being poured on his head. He survived a little boy dropping a toy car into his tank. As soon as he heard we had to move he gave up on life. He died the night before he and Christopher were to begin the drive to our home. 


(AB just licked the handle on the refrigerator door. I told her to wipe it off and she licked her hand and wiped the door. I meant with a towel, not an equally dirty hand.) 


Yesterday we went to Target which took us three times longer than necessary because Annabelle stopped and talked to every mannequin. After that, we swung by the Hob Lob (Hobby Lobby) which happened to be near Pet Smart. We'd had a rough morning so I thought a fish would perk us up. When we bought Filmore AB was more interested in the dog toys than the fish so I choose him. Yesterday was a different story. She wanted to buy all the little decorations to put in the tank. She wanted a castle bigger than the bowl we were getting. When it came to choosing a fish, she said, "Oh, hi little guy! You're so cuuuuuuute!" to them all. She wanted a goldfish. She wanted a neon fish. She thought we should get a cat bed even though we don't have a cat. We finally settled on a red fish.

I'd like to introduce Benjamin "Little Blue" Harrison. He has the tiniest blue spot near his tail but Sesame zeroed in on it and wanted it included in his name.
He survived his first night in his new home swimmingly.


As for the rest of today, I'm in full preparation mode for the royal wedding in the morning. I will be watching alone but that does not dampen my enthusiasm. Lemon muffins in honor of their lemon lavender cake will be made. My crown will be polished and ready. I am 1000% ready to see my favorite royal, Princess Charlotte, walk down the aisle. For someone who has a history of only being partially on the Meghan & Harry train, I am fully onboard for this day of festivities. Good times are about to be had and I am here for it all.

Real life update- Annabelle just asked me to "make my jeans into paper." 

My actual life is not as glamorous as my imaginary Princess Sarah life. 

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

mothers day, edition five

From the end of April to the end of May is a busy time for me. Our anniversary, Mother's Day and my birthday are all within a month. That's not to say it's all about me right now, but it's all about me.

My people started our Mother's Day celebration on Saturday. They made me breakfast and Annabelle, who had already eaten breakfast, sat next to me saying, "Hi, Mom. Are you going to share? Do you like sharing? I'm kind of hungry. Can you share with me because you love me?" I guess she felt she should be rewarded for making me a mother.

Around lunchtime we went to a farmer's market with my friend Amy and her husband. I know we live in a small town so I didn't expect a farmers market like the one in Nashville, but it was even smaller than I was expecting. We could have done the whole loop in less than 10 minutes if AB hasn't stopped at every booth, stared down the seller and said "Hello. Excuse me? Hello! HELLO!?!?" until someone responded. She doesn't operate by the same blend in, don't draw attention to yourself  standards I do.

I did a few chores around the house in the afternoon because our maid, laundry lady and chef all decided to quit at once. It's so hard to find good help these days. Christopher put together a picnic for us to eat at a new little park in town. It was the three of us, a group of kayakers and 30,000 of our tiny enemies- gnats. I don't doubt that we all ate several gnats. 

We had four years of wearing matching dresses on Mothers Day but it didn't work out this year. I thought we had two options but neither of them fit her anymore. It's really rude the way she keeps growing. By the time I figured that out it was too late to order anything. I drop the ball on most things in parenting but her wardrobe is seldom lacking. We coordinated instead.
During church, the pastor asked all the moms to stand. He then asked all the moms over 80 years old to stand up. Sesame looked at me and said in a loud stage whisper. "Moooooom! Stand up!!!" I know I've aged greatly in the last 4 years but aging me almost 50 years seems a little too much. Good thing she's cute.

Monday, May 7, 2018

a berry good day

For most weekends since we moved here we've stayed home and done things around the house. This Saturday we went to a strawberry farm for their family day. The event planner (Christopher) said it was a local farm. It was actually nearly an hour away which didn't please the smallest member of the family. "Are we there yet? Can I have a snack? Can you turn on my story? How much longer? Are we almost there?" For someone who has traveled thousands of miles in a car she did not handle the 47 minute drive well.

It was so far out we expected it to be a rinky-dink place but it was surprisingly well kept and pretty. The gift shop had desserts, jams, decor, toys and crickets. FLAVORED CRICKETS. 

I was horrified. I thought it must be a joke, like chocolate "reindeer droppings" at Christmas. I turned it over and the ingredients said crickets, salt... Spelling it crick-ettes doesn't make them any less gross.

Moving on to more normal people things, we took a tractor ride around the farm. Seeing wild alligators at a strawberry farm was a new sight as well. The lady giving the tour was tossing bread but I think she should have been feeding them sour cream and onion crickets. They need to be destroyed.
 We saw a pig race, played on the playground and meet a pig named Barbeque. 
 We could have played in the sandbox at home and saved ourselves seven dollars.
All in all it was a lovely, albeit scorching hot, day. We left with strawberries, sunburns and not one bacon and cheese crick-ette.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

AB's anniversary gift to us was tears

I spent three days last week taping, priming and painting a wall in the living room. It seemed very deja vu which it was because I did the same exact thing when we arrived two months ago. We had painted an accent wall brick red but after a while, it started to feel like we were living in a fire station. Since we had just done it I assumed I'd worked out all the kinks then and it would be a breeze to get done. I had planned to wake up early and get some painting done before AB woke up. It never happened. I woke up late, a can of red paint spilled in the laundry room and went under the washing machine and Annabelle's feet and legs got covered in non-washable primer. We went to the store for a break and to buy the paint. There wasn't a salesperson in the paint department and Annabelle had a meltdown as we were checking out. Needless to say, it wasn't an easy breezy painting experience. I painted the wall green and Christopher keeps saying he wants to paint pieces of chocolate on it because it looks like mint chocolate chip ice cream. That's exactly the look I was going for! 


We celebrated our seventh anniversary on Saturday, a day early. We hadn't gone on a date since last year so it was high time we hit the town without our third wheel. We actually did the farthest thing from hit the town. We went to Jimmy Carter's boyhood home. Normally I'd save historical trips for non-romantic days but as we never have a babysitter we seize the day on any activities. Plus my goal of becoming first lady is always at the forefront of my mind and being seen at a historic site is good for publicity. 
The lady at the gate said we missed seeing Jimmy at by only a few hours. I'm always two steps away from fame! The farm was really pretty and we enjoyed strolling without answering questions about what squirrels eat and if we could ride the horses. That didn't mean we had completly intellectual conversation. I couldn't get over the cleanliness of the chicken coop. You really CAN have a clean chicken coop! How pretty! Look at the clean chickens! Christopher took one look and said, "You can have a clean coop if you have the whole of the National Park Service and government funding to clean it for you." Good point.

We saw this sign and I immediately cleared my schedule on all those Sundays. Christopher said we shouldn't turn our days of worship into days of chasing celebrities. Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't take my political aspirations/celebrity meetings seriously.

For supper, we went to a fancy restaurant that opened in the late 1800's. I made a reservation which was completely unnecessary given that we were the only ones there. Usually we eat at restaurants that give little black buzzers when you show up so I always feel fancy making a reservation. The restaurant was beautiful and I felt like someone from Downton Abbey was going to walk in at any moment.

The traditional gift for the 7th anniversary is copper. Christopher never wears sunscreen so I thought about getting him a bottle of Coppertone and calling it a day. I ended up gluing pennies from the years we were born, met and married into a wooden heart-shaped frame. Partway through making the gift it occurred to me that pennies might only be copper coated and not 100% made of copper but I didn't research it. Ignorance is bliss and I didn't want to come up with a new gift at the eleventh hour. He gave me a rose gold copper pineapple tumbler that I love. I have such a rose gold obsession right now.

Our week so far has been a combination of lost patience (me) and an unnamed child who has decided it's cool to recreate the terrible twos (which she never had in the first place) and the moodiness of a preteen girl. She cries about everything. She cried because I didn't remember the same thing as her. She cried because it was too warm to wear her footie pajamas. She cried because we had to wash her clothes. She keeps telling me she misses her old school and friends so I know she's still adjusting to the move. I just wish her adjusting wasn't so painful for all of us. Her allergies have been horrible here too. She gets welts the size of nickles from ant and mosquito bites. Something irritated her face and her eyes swelled up. She still manages to be cute with a swollen face which I never do. 
This was the day she was digging in the garden and making dirt beef sandwiches.
I'm dieting so I didn't eat any.

She's also big into making messes. I don't know why I bother cleaning the house during the day. My toy organization system in useless. If only I had the National Park Service and government funding to clean for me.