Thursday, November 20, 2014

we did the Fall thing and went to the pumpkin patch

Sesame was really excited about the trip.
 "I'm outside! People are paying attention to me! I'm being held! My life is great!"
This picture is precious until you realize I'm straddling a pumpkin. Who does that? 
"What are these pumpkins of which you speak? Give me all the hay."
Christopher took almost all the pictures while we were at the patch. Normally I don't post pictures of pickup trucks because boring and also, boring, but I'm trying to encourage his recent interest in randomly pointing the camera in the general vicinity of an object and pushing the button. I'm also trying to encourage him to start a blog but that's going nowhere fast. 
"Oh great. Another picture with my mother."
A brief anecdote-  
Lady who owned the pumpkin patch: You're baby looks so cold! Let me zip up his jacket. Does he have mittens?
Me: Not yet. I still have to get HER some.
Lady: Oh! Look at his bracelet. Isn't that cute. Does he ever eat it?
Me: No. SHE doesn't seem to know it's there.
Lady: Is it for teething? I've heard amber bracelets help for teething. Does it help him with that?
Me: SHE drools less when SHE wears it so I'd say it helps some.
Lady: He has such pretty eyes.
Me: (my mouth) Thank you. (my head) Did you not hear the 48 times I said SHE and HER? 

Note to self- Never leave the house without the baby wearing a bow, a pink jacket, and a large sign that says ---> 100% GIRL <---.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

needless to say we didn't see Santa at the tattoo place

I went to a tattoo parlor yesterday.

We decided on a whim it would be fun to get matching tattoos of Annabelle's face on our arms so off we went.

If only it had been that exciting. Christopher wanted to get another tattoo and nothing says family bonding like parading into the tattoo place with a baby in a car seat so we all went. It was a baby free establishment (exactly as I predicted it would be) so AB and I went to the store while Christopher got it done. It's probably just as well I wasn't involved. I would have flip-flopped between covering my eyes, moaning in sympathetic pain and inquiring about the cleanliness of the tools. I did take a picture of Christopher and the tattoo guy through the window before I left. I wanted photographic evidence in case any nonsense happened in our absence. It's a miracle Christopher survived any of his previous tattoo experiences without me there to supervise. 

Earlier in the day we went to see Santa. Normally I'd do such things after Thanksgiving but I thought I'd beat the crowds and go early. The rest of the town had the same idea. The line to see Mr. Claus was approximately 954 feet long. We told Annabelle we'd go back another day but half an hour later Mr. Claus was sitting there with no one on his lap so I all but threw her on him. You'd think I actually did throw her for all the crying and screaming. She stopped crying to play with the bell for all of .6 seconds before looking at him and realizing he wasn't her mother. I think it was the beard that clued her in.
An old man at church this morning asked if my dainty little lady is a girl or boy. Annabelle couldn't believe it. She said next time she needs to wear a bigger bow so there's no confusion.

Monday, November 10, 2014

a few things seen around the internet

1. There's Discovery channel special in which a man, wearing a special suit he had stashed in his closet for such an occasion, intentionally has a snake eat him. PETA is in a uproar. 

PETA, which has yet to see the special, said in a statement. "Anacondas go days without eating and expend the energy needed to do so selectively. Making this snake use up energy by swallowing this fool and then possibly regurgitating him would have left the poor animal exhausted and deprived of the energy that he or she needs." 

I'm not one who supports animal cruelty, but you won't find me giving all my money to save the endangered jungle animals either. Why are people more concerned about the snake than they are for the safety of the man? The dude is going INSIDE A SNAKE OF HIS OWN FREE WILL. Frankly I'm concerned about his mental stability. Surely there are other ways for him to get a little excitement in his life. I hear the stampede into Best Buy the day after Thanksgiving gets your blood pressure up. The real question is this- how did he explain it all to his mother? 

2. Moms' groups on facebook
Not mentioned: The Breastmilk is Better Mom, the I Know More than You Mom,the My Kid is Perfect Mom and the My Husband Never Helps Mom.

3. Garth Brooks
I stumbled across this song on Saturday while feeding Annabelle breakfast. When I was pregnant I didn't cry at anything and everything, but now when I hear a sweet song I almost lose it. I hugged AB and in return she waved very enthusiastically and smacked me with a hand covered in apple sauce. It was a tender moment. 

Friday, November 7, 2014

I'm considering holding a grudge against forumula

I'm on a tight schedule here. The name of the schedule is Annabelle and the clock counting down to til her nap time ends is ticking. 

I used google this week for the first time since February. We watched a movie about two Google interns and I decided to see how long I could go without using the google. The answer is ten months. I would have kept on going strong had I not needed a screenshot of a google search. This proves that not only is google not the be all and end all of internet search sites, but also that I stick to something I put my mind to it. Not that we ended another example of that when I refused to talk to someone for three years straight because he offended my sister. It's even more impressive when you consider that I saw him at least two times every week. Also to be noticed is Elizabeth talked to him THE VERY NEXT DAY. I take vicarious offenses very seriously.


Speaking of the internet, I'm part of a breastfeeding group on facebook. Ninety percent of what's posted is of no use to me but I stay in the group for the information in the other ten percent. If we're being completely honest, I also stay in because some of the ladies are a little intense and I enjoy ranting to Christopher about it when he gets home. "You'll ruin your child for life if you let them cry it out! Free the boobs and nurse uncovered in public! I have five kids so I'm an expert on all things baby! Formula is evil and should never be given! Don't even consider having a baby at a hospital!" It's a real morale booster when you're having a bad day and letting your baby cry in her crib.

I rarely comment but a few weeks ago I replied to a question about nursing in church. Thirty two comments later, people were off topic and bringing up human rights, how men need to stop paying attention to a womans chest, and, of all things, Mary and Jesus. One lady said, "Duh! Mary feed Jesus without a cover."  I (because there's nothing like fanning the flame!) said, "Nobody knows for sure how Mary feed Jesus." She replied, "There are tons of breastfeeding paintings from the early church showing Mary baring her chest." Ok then. I didn't realize I was dealing with an expert on early church paintings. Here I was thinking those portraits weren't actually Mary. I assumed she'd be too busy washing whatever fabric contraption she used for a diaper and not have time to pose for a portrait.

(I hear some squawking from the crib. I'm going to stick her in the highchair with a handful of puffs while I finish pounding this out.)

Since we're on the topic of babies and food, I hate every time we have to give Annabelle a bottle of formula. I wanted to last a whole year without formula (maybe a lofty goal because I do not love nursing) and I did make it to 6 months, but the girl needs to eat and sometimes I don't have enough for her. Sesame Pie doesn't seem to care one bit where her food comes from as long as she gets some in her mouth.
Now she's pounding on her fists on the tray and demanding more puffs. Our Miss Manners lessons are really sticking. 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

after my baby joined the army, I whipped up a pan of spaghetti

Halloween 2014
We borrowed the uniform from my army teddy bear. He didn't come with pants.
Cutest little soldier I've ever seen.
We dressed her as a pan of spaghetti. She was understandably confused as to
why we allowing her to sit on the stove.
"I can't believe these are the people God picked to be my parents. Can I get a do-over?"