Sunday, November 30, 2014

I have to get Thanksgiving out of my system so I can fully embrace Christmas.

"Thank the Lord and pass the mashed potatoes."
If you don't count the 14 pictures I took of Annabelle in her turkey skirt and the five I took of my table centerpiece, I barely took any pictures of our Thanksgiving. Imagine a turkey, a bowl of cranberry sauce and a table full of dishes and you have a good idea of our day.

We had our friends Jordan, Sarah and Zack over. We played Taboo and the teams were guys against girls. The score was something like 67 to 43. I'd be more specific about who got 43 points but my spirit is still bruised. 

You can look at this as a sweet mother/daughter picture, or you can focus on the blank picture frame we have on our wall. What you can't see is we have six frames on that wall and only four have photos in them. It's been like that for a week. It's always a miracle our marriage survives hanging frames. Actually filling them all in a timely manner is expecting too much. The phrase you're looking for is Mr. and Mrs. Martha Stewart. 
I'll tell you what I'm most thankful for- you can't see the white hair in my eyebrow.
This white hair nonsense is getting out of control.

BRB. Gotta go plan my Christmas decorations.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

eight month Annabelle

Another month, another picture.
Completely not caring that Mom is making a big fuss about me turning 8 months old.
One sock on, one sock off. Starting fashion trends among the babies of the world. 
Making it quick this month. I have walls to roll into and snacks to eat.

Vital statistics: Somewhere around 14.5 pounds and long enough that my pants are getting short.
New favorite foods: mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and muffins
Milestones of my young life this month:
* I learned how to say hi and will say it while waving.
* I am this close to crawling. No one else in the house is excited about this development. 
* I've become a big fan of Dad. The more bottles he gives me the more I like him. It's win win for everyone. 

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

this and that and some other things going on

Wearing: Skinny jeans that are an inch too short and two inches to big around the waist. I've spent most of the day pulling the pants up while ensuring that they don't look too short. They're so comfortable that I haven't changed into pants that actually fit. I'm also wearing fuzzy Christmas socks. It's the season, falala. 

In related wardrobe malfunction stories, the first time we went on a date after the baby was born was for our anniversary. I didn't plan my wardrobe well so I ended up wearing a cute strapless dress with a strapless bra that fit fine in days of yore. I didn't consider my suddenly enlarged chest size when I put the bra on so I spent the whole night reaching down my dress to pull it back up to the right spot. I hate watching people fix their bra but there I was, sitting in a fancy restaurant tugging away. Christopher was never so delighted to be seen with me in public. 

Watching: Gilmore Girls, 19 Kids and Counting and The Blacklist. I would like to move to Stars Hollow and be best friends with everyone in that town. I'm considering naming my next daughter Lorelai. 

Annabelle very seldom watches shows but we always watch 19 Kids together. She is MESMERIZED by Mrs. Duggar. She's stopped crying when Mrs. D appears on the scene more than once. Anyone who can make another persons baby stop crying through a screen deserves some sort of medal. I'd pay quite a bit of money for an extra large dose of Mrs. Duggar's patience and perfect skin. 

The Blacklist. WHERE DO I START. I don't normally watch shows centered around law enforcement but I am hooked. The only problem with the show is I now have 42,000 new ways I might be kidnapped/injured/killed rattling around in my brain. It never occurred to be worried about death through chemical baths BUT NOW I AM. 

Attempting: to decorate a Pinterest worthy Thanksgiving table. It's not going so well. I went to the dollar store to pick up a few Fall decorations but all I found was five rolls of ribbon and some fake fruit. Had I wanted to decorate with stockings or trashy looking Santas there were options galore. 

Reading: a book about Kate Middleton and B is for Bears (Big bears! Little bears! Compassionate bears!). Sometimes we mix it up and read Hippos Go Berserk. Story time over here is WILD.

Discovering: Our baby monitor is an intercom. It was a big discovery for me. My life is so very different than is used to be. 

Wanting: People to stop posting videos on facebook that say, "Grab tissues before you watch this! It's sure to make you cry!" and "If this doesn't make you smile then you don't have a heart!" when it's a video of a cat helping a squirrel climb a bird feeder. I do have a heart, thankyouverymuch. It just doesn't melt when I watch cat videos. 

Wondering: if people still use Twitter or if Instagram has taken over the world. At least I was wondering that until Christopher said, "I was on my twitter account the other day..." Your twitter account? I think the world started spinning in the opposite direction.

Wishing: Annabelle hadn't started laughing during church when the pastor was talking about how his wife died last year. 

Thursday, November 20, 2014

we did the Fall thing and went to the pumpkin patch

Sesame was really excited about the trip.
 "I'm outside! People are paying attention to me! I'm being held! My life is great!"
This picture is precious until you realize I'm straddling a pumpkin. Who does that? 
"What are these pumpkins of which you speak? Give me all the hay."
Christopher took almost all the pictures while we were at the patch. Normally I don't post pictures of pickup trucks because boring and also, boring, but I'm trying to encourage his recent interest in randomly pointing the camera in the general vicinity of an object and pushing the button. I'm also trying to encourage him to start a blog but that's going nowhere fast. 
"Oh great. Another picture with my mother."
A brief anecdote-  
Lady who owned the pumpkin patch: You're baby looks so cold! Let me zip up his jacket. Does he have mittens?
Me: Not yet. I still have to get HER some.
Lady: Oh! Look at his bracelet. Isn't that cute. Does he ever eat it?
Me: No. SHE doesn't seem to know it's there.
Lady: Is it for teething? I've heard amber bracelets help for teething. Does it help him with that?
Me: SHE drools less when SHE wears it so I'd say it helps some.
Lady: He has such pretty eyes.
Me: (my mouth) Thank you. (my head) Did you not hear the 48 times I said SHE and HER? 

Note to self- Never leave the house without the baby wearing a bow, a pink jacket, and a large sign that says ---> 100% GIRL <---.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

needless to say we didn't see Santa at the tattoo place

I went to a tattoo parlor yesterday.

We decided on a whim it would be fun to get matching tattoos of Annabelle's face on our arms so off we went.

If only it had been that exciting. Christopher wanted to get another tattoo and nothing says family bonding like parading into the tattoo place with a baby in a car seat so we all went. It was a baby free establishment (exactly as I predicted it would be) so AB and I went to the store while Christopher got it done. It's probably just as well I wasn't involved. I would have flip-flopped between covering my eyes, moaning in sympathetic pain and inquiring about the cleanliness of the tools. I did take a picture of Christopher and the tattoo guy through the window before I left. I wanted photographic evidence in case any nonsense happened in our absence. It's a miracle Christopher survived any of his previous tattoo experiences without me there to supervise. 

Earlier in the day we went to see Santa. Normally I'd do such things after Thanksgiving but I thought I'd beat the crowds and go early. The rest of the town had the same idea. The line to see Mr. Claus was approximately 954 feet long. We told Annabelle we'd go back another day but half an hour later Mr. Claus was sitting there with no one on his lap so I all but threw her on him. You'd think I actually did throw her for all the crying and screaming. She stopped crying to play with the bell for all of .6 seconds before looking at him and realizing he wasn't her mother. I think it was the beard that clued her in.
An old man at church this morning asked if my dainty little lady is a girl or boy. Annabelle couldn't believe it. She said next time she needs to wear a bigger bow so there's no confusion.

Monday, November 10, 2014

a few things seen around the internet

1. There's Discovery channel special in which a man, wearing a special suit he had stashed in his closet for such an occasion, intentionally has a snake eat him. PETA is in a uproar. 

PETA, which has yet to see the special, said in a statement. "Anacondas go days without eating and expend the energy needed to do so selectively. Making this snake use up energy by swallowing this fool and then possibly regurgitating him would have left the poor animal exhausted and deprived of the energy that he or she needs." 

I'm not one who supports animal cruelty, but you won't find me giving all my money to save the endangered jungle animals either. Why are people more concerned about the snake than they are for the safety of the man? The dude is going INSIDE A SNAKE OF HIS OWN FREE WILL. Frankly I'm concerned about his mental stability. Surely there are other ways for him to get a little excitement in his life. I hear the stampede into Best Buy the day after Thanksgiving gets your blood pressure up. The real question is this- how did he explain it all to his mother? 

2. Moms' groups on facebook
Not mentioned: The Breastmilk is Better Mom, the I Know More than You Mom,the My Kid is Perfect Mom and the My Husband Never Helps Mom.

3. Garth Brooks
I stumbled across this song on Saturday while feeding Annabelle breakfast. When I was pregnant I didn't cry at anything and everything, but now when I hear a sweet song I almost lose it. I hugged AB and in return she waved very enthusiastically and smacked me with a hand covered in apple sauce. It was a tender moment. 

Friday, November 7, 2014

I'm considering holding a grudge against forumula

I'm on a tight schedule here. The name of the schedule is Annabelle and the clock counting down to til her nap time ends is ticking. 

I used google this week for the first time since February. We watched a movie about two Google interns and I decided to see how long I could go without using the google. The answer is ten months. I would have kept on going strong had I not needed a screenshot of a google search. This proves that not only is google not the be all and end all of internet search sites, but also that I stick to something I put my mind to it. Not that we ended another example of that when I refused to talk to someone for three years straight because he offended my sister. It's even more impressive when you consider that I saw him at least two times every week. Also to be noticed is Elizabeth talked to him THE VERY NEXT DAY. I take vicarious offenses very seriously.

Speaking of the internet, I'm part of a breastfeeding group on facebook. Ninety percent of what's posted is of no use to me but I stay in the group for the information in the other ten percent. If we're being completely honest, I also stay in because some of the ladies are a little intense and I enjoy ranting to Christopher about it when he gets home. "You'll ruin your child for life if you let them cry it out! Free the boobs and nurse uncovered in public! I have five kids so I'm an expert on all things baby! Formula is evil and should never be given! Don't even consider having a baby at a hospital!" It's a real morale booster when you're having a bad day and letting your baby cry in her crib.

I rarely comment but a few weeks ago I replied to a question about nursing in church. Thirty two comments later, people were off topic and bringing up human rights, how men need to stop paying attention to a womans chest, and, of all things, Mary and Jesus. One lady said, "Duh! Mary feed Jesus without a cover."  I (because there's nothing like fanning the flame!) said, "Nobody knows for sure how Mary feed Jesus." She replied, "There are tons of breastfeeding paintings from the early church showing Mary baring her chest." Ok then. I didn't realize I was dealing with an expert on early church paintings. Here I was thinking those portraits weren't actually Mary. I assumed she'd be too busy washing whatever fabric contraption she used for a diaper and not have time to pose for a portrait.

(I hear some squawking from the crib. I'm going to stick her in the highchair with a handful of puffs while I finish pounding this out.)

Since we're on the topic of babies and food, I hate every time we have to give Annabelle a bottle of formula. I wanted to last a whole year without formula (maybe a lofty goal because I do not love nursing) and I did make it to 6 months, but the girl needs to eat and sometimes I don't have enough for her. Sesame Pie doesn't seem to care one bit where her food comes from as long as she gets some in her mouth.
Now she's pounding on her fists on the tray and demanding more puffs. Our Miss Manners lessons are really sticking. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Saturday, November 1, 2014

after my baby joined the army, I whipped up a pan of spaghetti

Halloween 2014
We borrowed the uniform from my army teddy bear. He didn't come with pants.
Cutest little soldier I've ever seen.
We dressed her as a pan of spaghetti. She was understandably confused as to
why we allowing her to sit on the stove.
"I can't believe these are the people God picked to be my parents. Can I get a do-over?"