Monday, February 29, 2016

party like it's February 29th

I'm sure this comes as a surprise to exactly no one, but I enjoy a good party/any chance to celebrate an occasion. That's why I got out my Leap Year Day decor.
On Saturday we dropped Sesame off with friends and went on a date. We went to the art museum because we're very cultured. Also because we have a pass so we got in for free. Christopher is a good art museum person. He really appreciates it. I don't think I'm really the target audience. It never occurs to me to make a trip to the art museum for the special Monet exhibit. I have four Monet waterlily paintings in my house that I see every single day.  Instead of intently reading the signs by the artwork I glance over it then talk about why I think the person who wrote the description is wrong. I'm always more impressed with the way the vinyl words on the wall describing the exhibit are placed so perfectly straight. I tried to hang a vinyl sign that said "Bless this house" in our first apartment and it took forty minutes and seven tries to get it straight.

You know what I have? A crumpled paper bag I can add to the paper bag exhibit. I rolled my eyes so far I saw the back on my head.
Sunday morning we went to church and decided that it's probably time we check out a different church. AB decided she didn't want to nap for the second day in a row so we walked around the mall for a while. Stylin Sesame made a celebrity appearance.  
"I wub you, kitty! You so ca-UTE!"
I did Zumba at the Y this morning. I hadn't taken a class there before and I thought maybe I misread the schedule and was in the seniors class. There were 25 elderly ladies...and me. When I walked in, two ladies were walking out talking about their sciatica pain. Twenty minutes later my hips and knees hurt so bad. All the old ladies were dancing like pros and I felt like I was barely hobbling around. I've done zumba for five years and the one day my body isn't into it is the day I'm 40 years younger than everyone else.

For the record, I blame my old shoes for my aches and pains. It had nothing to do with taking a seven month vacation from zumba.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

My Day According to Me.

Next month I'll be two years old. I wanted to take this opportunity to write my final essay as a one year old. I have high hopes that I will be even more prolific in the year to come.

7:19- I was up late last night but I didn't sleep in. Mom was hoping I would but I didn't.
7:28- "Mama? Mama? You comin', Mama?" Finally she removes me from my crib. I tell her about spilling my water last night and Daddy changing my sheets. I dump out my bows all over the floor.
8:02- I eat Cheerios and milk. It's the breakfast of champions and toddlers everywhere.
8:19- I spill the milk from my bowl. It might have been an accident or it might have been intentional. The verdict is still out.
8:32- I ask to color. I make a sticker picture and a draw bunch of stripes. I ask Mom to draw a giraffe and pajamas.
8:59- I tell Mom I need the potty. Normally I go in my diaper then announce I need to be changed but I like to switch it up every now and then. I got two chocolate chips as a reward.
9:10- I'm done with coloring. I move to emptying the diaper basket and saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" and "Happy birthday!"
9:39- I lose interest in the diapers and ask for a snack. I don't get one. Mama reads me stories and I act like I have no idea how the story goes. I get tired of stories and make a pizza out of a plastic cover.
10:00- We go upstairs to get dressed for the day. I try on Mom's pajama shirt. I get dressed then lay in my bed with Mr. Lion for a few minutes.

10:40- Outta my crib and in the kitchen making muffins! I eat half the blueberries to reward myself for all my hard work.
10:50 to 11:38- Generally very bored with my life. I don't want to play with my toys or the napkins I took from the cupboard. Mom says she's "doing work" on the computer. Looks like she's watching a movie to me.
11:50- Lunch time! Finally! I watch kids sing songs about Jesus while I eat.
12:30- The landlord's father comes over to look at the leak in the garage roof. I'm excited to see him so I do my normal thing which is stare and not say anything. 
1:00- After he leaves Mom reads to me and I pretend to take a nap on the coffee table. Mama pretends to nap on the couch. She took the pretending too far because I was halfway of the stairs before she opened her eyes and noticed.
1:30- Nap time. When we pray before I go in my crib, Mom requests that I'll nap until 4:30. LOL.
3:15- I'M AWAKE, MAMA! MAMA??!! I have to wait years for her to come get me.
3:28- She comes up but instead of getting me out she climbs in the crib with me. We talk about Mr. Lion and how he needs mittens.
3:40- Snack time! I eat three baby oranges while watching part of Frozen.
4:30- I want another snack. I get a box of raisins.
4:35 to 5:30. I'm officially a resident of Bored City, USA. Mom comes to play and we bounce on my inflatable horse. We play with Baby Belle and sing songs. I keep asking for Daddy.

6:00- Daddy comes home and instead of going to him I immediately start crying. Mom rolled her eyes. She thought I didn't see but I did. Dad entertains me by showing my videos of penguins and ducks.
6:20- FINALLY it's time to eat. I've been waiting for this moment for hours.
7:00- Mom says she has more "work" to do so she abandons me. I hang out with Dad for a while.
7:30- Time for my jammies and bedtime story. I get my eye drops and don't even cry. Mom covers me up with a red blanket. It's like she doesn't even know me. I need my green blanket from Memere!
8:11- I'm crying this under cover of darkness in my crib. I think I'll ask for another snack.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

church hoppers

Through our years of married life we've visited more than our fair share of churches.

The first time we visit churches together was our first go-round in New York right after we got married. Back in the day we would both be dressed and ready to go well before the appointed church departure time. Now I'm throwing pillows at Christopher's head when he's still laying in bed 15 minutes before we need to leave.

But that's neither here nor there.

That particular part of New York has many many small churches. Most of them were attended by people over the age 65. Needless to say, as a young couple we didn't exactly fit in. One church with all of 20 attendees had us stand up so the whole congregation could see us. As if we didn't stand out enough just by being there. Another church gifted us with chocolate and a coffee mug with the creepiest picture of Jesus you've ever seen. Nothing says ''we hope you'll join us again!" like giving guests a picture of Jesus looking like a monster who'd hide in a child's closet. Another church gave me the memorial flowers from a funeral the day before. How sweet. Upon hearing we just got married, an elderly woman invited us over her house so she could give us some silverware. She was tired of waiting for her children to pick it up and apparently we looked like people who wanted a new cutlery set.

Things were only slightly better when we got to Fort Lee. When we tried the chapel on post, they gave Christopher a microphone so he could give the whole congregation a brief introduction. We didn't not select that as our church home. We ended up at a church where, again, the median age was 60. Almost everyone is the Sunday school class we were put in had grandchildren. Below is yet another example of why I choose not to open my mouth in public situations.

George (the SS teacher): "So Sarah, you're a military wife, right?"
Me: "Yes."

George: "And sometimes Christopher goes out on training or to the field and you're left at home?"
Me: "Yes." 
George: "What do you do when Christopher's not at home?"
Me: (in my head- He really wants to know what I do? What am I supposed to say? I don't want to say that I read, eat, paint my nails, eat snacks, watch movies. Maybe I should say I planted a garden one time. Maybe grocery shopping is the right answer. Why does he want to know what I do??) "Ummm..."

George: "You hold down the fort, don't you? You make sure everything runs smoothly."
Me: "Oh. OH. Yes. That's right. That's what I do."

You can just call me eloquent. That was also the day the straps on my dress kept falling down so you can also call me full of grace.

Our Tennessee church experience was much better. We loved it so much. I cried a little on our last day there. Now we're back to the church hunt rodeo. We've visited so many but none have felt right. There was the church where Annabelle wouldn't sit still with us but she refused to go in the nursery. We snuck out of the building like sinners before the sermon even started. There was the church where AB announced during a quiet moment that she had pooped. There was the church that was so chaotic and unorganized I almost lost my mind. I wanted to grab the microphone and shout, "HOW HARD IS IT TO ALL STAND UP AND SIT DOWN AT THE SAME TIME? You people look like kangaroos in the desert." Not one of my more spiritual moments. A friend at MOPS invited us to her church so we've been there the last few weeks. The music isn't really our jam but overall it's not bad. The first week a lady on stage was playing 12 different instruments she seemed to have borrowed from the toddler Sunday school. One of the pastors was wearing jeans and sneakers with a button down shirt, vest and tie. Business of the top, party on the bottom. 

We'll be back at it tomorrow. May the Lord grant us success.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Friday Funday

Within the last 48 hours the following happened:

+ I knocked over a display of fabric at Joann's.
+ I tried to exit through the enter door but it wouldn't open so I stood there like an idiot staring at it and wondering what was wrong.
+ The washing machine stopped draining the water after it's run
+ The light bulb in the living room lamp burnt out and all I had to replace it was a florescent bulb. I hate florescent lights.
+ I cooked steak to go in a new recipe but didn't realize it was bad until I tasted it right before it went on the table.

In light of all that I declared today Friday Funday. No errands, no unnecessary chores, no laundry. We made pancakes for breakfast and Sesame had a moment with the oil.
Please note her headband. She found it in the closet and put it on herself.
I've never been more proud.
After breakfast I got ready for the day while Annabelle redecorated the house with paper napkins she found in the cupboard. It seems she doesn't approve of all the decorating I've done since we moved in. When she was done with the napkins she asked to play in her pool so I brought it in from the garage and put it in the living room. She then said she wanted to "cook pasta'' in the pool. Four months ago I let her play with dry rice and pasta in her pool and she wanted to go back to the good old days. Instead of making a mess in our living room we went to the children's museum to make a mess someone else will vacuum up.

Red Dragon Martial Arts was unpacking their van when we got to the museum. Although I'm well versed in Chinese food I didn't know the Chinese New Year was just celebrated. The martial arts people were bringing their dragons for a culture dance in the gym. It's not everyday I say, "Hold on, Ses. We have to let the dragons go through the door before we do ."

The rice station in the Vietnam display is very popular. AB didn't care the 75 other children had played in the rice before her. She popped a handful of rice right into her mouth. So now we're sure to have a slew of new sickness around here.  
On the way home we stopped at a new Dunkin Donuts. I'm doing a scientific study of all the DD in the area so I had to do some market research. We had our usual order of "milk with a straw" and ice coffee. It was a good way to end the morning.

All week I told myself if I could just make it to Saturday I could sleep in while Christopher got up with AB. As these things go, Christopher has to be at work at eight o'clock in the morning so my dreams of sleeping in are gone. At least I know where to get good coffee to keep my spirits up.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

cabin fever

Cabin fever has officially set in.

I woke up on Sunday, the most romantic day of the year, in a mood and couldn't get myself out the door for church. By Sunday night it was obvious AB's pink eye was coming back. On Monday morning Christopher's car had a flat tire so he took mine to work. That meant I couldn't get her to the doctor or the pharmacy. By lunch time AB had a rash on both cheeks. She never ever gets a rash and I had no idea what it was from. We've been sick on and off (mostly on) for six weeks now. (That's what I get for boasting last winter about our great immune systems.) We've run out of new play ideas and there's only so many times a day we can take a bath. Most days it's either too muddy or too cold to play outside. I am ready to throw in the towel. 
It snowed all last night and through the day. We've gotten some snow here and there but this was the first big storm. 
Christopher and I have differing ideas of how to deal with snow. I'm from the part of the world where we very diligently shovel the driveway every time it snows. We like to get it out of the way so shoveling for the next storm is easier. I assumed that's common sense. Christopher doesn't understand my method. He is very lackadaisical about the whole thing. He might shovel, he might take a nap instead. He might shovel, he might decide to sit down and read a book. It hasn't caused any tension or eye rolling on my part at all. He got more excited about the snow clearing when he bought a snowblower but I'm here to tell you it snowed last week and the driveway was only slightly cleared. 

This morning I took the matter of the driveway into my own hands. I put Pooh on for Sesame, gave her some blueberries and hightailed it outta the living room. I was so looking forward to doing something out of the house. No need to tell me how stunning I looked. I already know.
The most attractive giant white blob you've ever seen.
Last night Christopher offered to show me how to use the snowblower but I said I already knew how. Turns out I did not. I pushed buttons and pulled knobs for a good ten minutes with no luck.
I shoveled for almost an hour and was really proud of my work until I realized I still had half the driveway to go. So I gave up. The rest of the afternoon was more of the same tears from poor Sesame and waning patience from me. But the driveway was clear! That's all that really matters.

ps. In all fairness, Christopher cleared driveway and a path to the door when he got home. But he had a head start because I did half of it for him. ;-)

Thursday, February 11, 2016

the silver lining is all my scrapbook papers are color-coded

Back in our Fort Campbell home I had a craft room I thoroughly enjoyed. It had a rug, it was warm, it overlooked the downstairs living room so I could keep an eye on the goings on down there while simultaneously watching the neighbors through the window. It was a delightful setup.

My current craft room (more like craft room to be) is located in the basement. It triples as the seasonal decor storage room/current catch all room so needless to say I have a lot of work to do. I began tackling it yesterday and was quite pleased with my progress.

I won't insult your intelligence by pointing out that these are the before pictures. Thumbs up for my fabulous cell phone photos. 
Do you want to curl up in the fetal position and cry yet?

Don't worry! I created a brief diagram to help explain a small amount of the mayhem going on here. Feel free to blow it up and use it as the background on your computer.
Not pictured- snacks. Lots of snacks.
I have some grand ideas for creating an amazing room but sadly my budget and energy are not as big as my dreams. If anyone knows (or knows someone who knows someone who knows) Joanna Gaines please send her my way. 

Monday, February 8, 2016


We started off Friday eve at the doctors office. Sesame seems set on getting as many sicknesses as she can this year and sadly she's being an overachiever. Not only did she have another ear infection, she also had conjunctivitis. I diagnosed her with pink eye before we even left the house. It didn't take a Web MD diploma to see that her eyes absolutely disgusting. Of course we had spent the morning at MOPS so she probably infected all the children there. No one will want to be our friend anymore. We're too generous!
Checking the trash can for more germs.
On Saturday I went to the dentist. Thanks to my jaw issues I've seen the dentist six times since we moved here. We're almost bff's. He asks about my family and I ask about his vacation to Florida. He informed me I have a small cavity. There are two things I didn't have until I got married- white hair and cavities. Now I have both. Make of that what you will. He told me I need to "floss more and snack less". I didn't ask for any clarification on what he meant by snacking because snacks are one of my love languages and I refuse to give them up. I've started flossing more in hopes that he won't notice my snacking will never end.
Working hard on that ponytail!
This morning AB and I went to the Y. The main parking lot was full so we had to park in the overflow lot down the hill. The powers that be at the Y put up a "motivational" sign in the parking lot that says ''every step matters!" as a way to soften the blow of walking uphill with a toddler in the snow when it's 15*. It's a workout just getting to the door. I dropped Annabelle off at child care which was traumatic for everyone. I was going to use the treadmill but decided to walk the track instead. Why walk in place when you can walk in a oval? I turned on my podcast and off I went. I had to burn calories so I could earn a klondike bar. I thought I had been walking for AT LEAST twelve minutes but nope. It was all of four minutes, twelve seconds. Time drags when you're not eating snacks.

We went swimming after I walked. Annabelle pointed at the elderly people swimming laps and repeatedly asked, "What's that? What's that?" like they were attractions at the zoo. Back in the locker room she sang Baa, Baa Black Sheep very loud. She got stuck on the chair. She climbed under the door. With all the activity I didn't notice I had put my workout capris on backwards until we were in the lobby.

Happy Monday.

Monday, February 1, 2016

weekend review, edition 19

I survived the Big Brother Big Sister interview. It was so long and intense I came home and immediately lay down on the couch. I will never again schedule an interview when I'm sick. The lady who did the interview wasn't kidding when she was it would be in-depth. What is my parents marriage like? How many drinks does it take for me to get drunk? What are my views on corporal punishment? What is the biggest conflict in my marriage? What is my biggest flaw? How would others describe me? What changes would I make in the justice system in relation to pedophiles? 

I'm pretty sure the starfish pose wouldn't have helped me recover when I was rambling about something for so long that I forgot the question and had to ask the lady. That happened TWICE. Let's all have a moment of grateful silence that I'm not the breadwinner in the family. My lack of interview skilz would leave me jobless and my family living in a box. Although thanks to Pinterest it would probably be a very cute box.

Our never ending sickness continued all week. I survived Friday by telling myself over and over that Christopher would be home the next day to help take care of AB. All I had to do was make it through the day. Then he came home and said he had to work Saturday morning. I cried. I was SO TIRED and SO OVER BEING SICK and ALL I WANTED TO DO was be able to breath through my nose while I slept. I attempted to calm myself down by sitting on the couch eating lime tortilla chips and watching an episode of Army Wives. I'd never watched Army Wives because I was sure it would be ridiculous and totally Hollywoodized. I decided since I was already down I'd watch some so I could speak knowledgeably on it. As I suspected, it's highly unrealistic. On what post ever has there been such a beautiful and pristine hospital? Do those ladies ever set foot in the commissary during the 5 o'clock rush? I have NEVER come across a lieutenant colonel working at any gate but there was LTC So and So filling out visitor passes at midnight. The most realistic thing about the show is the sub-par base housing. But somehow it sucked me in enough to watch six episodes so make of that what you will.

In other boring news (we can't all constantly be having girls nights like the army wives), I went to the Sprint store four times today. That's four more times than I would like. My phone has been acting spastic for the last few minutes and I finally ordered a replacement. I went down at 10:30 to pick it up and the guy said it would take an hour to transfer everything from my old phone. We played at the park for an hour then went back to the store. He said it would be done in 18 minutes. We went home for lunch and returned an hour later only to be told it still wasn't done, but it "should" be only 8 more minutes. SIX HOURS LATER I got my phone. The worst part of the day wasn't not having a phone. It was the 12 times I had to buckle and unbuckle AB's car seat. It made me long for a more simple day.

And lastly, the clasp on my necklace is stuck and I can't get the necklace off. Welcome to my life.