Saturday, September 28, 2013

We had a weekend outing that didn't include the emergency room!

The invisible scarecrow
I saw a wedding! I saw a wedding! I love finding weddings I'm not invited to and trying to convince Christopher we should attend! He never agrees so instead I add to my collection of wedding photos of couples I don't know. 
Ignore the fact that my legs are leaning like the tower of Pisa. If you must look at me, you might be able to see that Sesame is making a small appearance.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 12

Edition: We Took the Show on the Road
I removed the arrow from below the word weeks because there is no baby in my ankles.
Size of baby: Just over 2''/ the size of a lime. (Never have I encountered such a difficult lime.)
Fun fact: Fingers and toes are opening and closing.
Size of mother: Our scale is at least 2lbs wrong so I don't have a definite number, but I wouldn't be surprised if we were down another pound bringing us to 120. I met a woman the other day who lost 30lbs in the first trimester.
There's nothing to see when I'm standing so from now on I'm going to sit for weekly photos. 
What's on the menu: What is this food of which you speak? I have a steady diet of one muffin a day mixed with a handful of Pringles and a smattering of fruit or vegetables. And I do mean smattering. The other day I ate all of six grapes.
Worst part of the week: I will spare you all the details of my second emergency room visit over the weekend. Last weeks visit did not turn out well but on Friday I had gotten sick no less than 14 times and could keep absolutely nothing down so we went to a different hospital in hopes of better treatment. We were in the waiting room for three hours during which time I discovered to my immense horror that green Skittles are now green apple, not lime. To add insult to injury! (I kept a VERY CLOSE watch on the availability of the only waiting room bathroom in case I needed to dash in there and announced I had no issues with going into the mens room if absolutely necessary because I refused to make a scene in public. I didn't resort to that, thank the Good Lord, but when the times get desperate...). I got poked and prodded seven times before they found a non-collapsing vein for the iv. Like the Princess and the Pea, I have very tender skin so you can imagine the lovely shades of blue, green, and brown all up and down my arms. I know I said I wouldn't share all the details (and I'm not! I'm really not!), but can we agree that the administration lady SHOULD NOT have chosen the moment when two nurses were on pokes 4 and 5 to come in and ask me nonessential information like my social security number and place of business? There I was, being a human pincushion and she's standing there like we're doing some sort of normal transaction at CVS. I am a very nonviolent person but I really wanted to smack her. 
Best part of the week: I finally got my iv. Hallelujah and amen.
The paparazzi wanted a moment in the limelight.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

next April is getting exponentially more exciting

In what is possibly the second most exciting moment of 2013 thus far, Katie, my very best friend of 22 years, the one who finds it perfectly normal to jump over stools , the one who allowed me to "help" her put on her gown for graduation, the one who painstakingly cracked open peanut shells to fill with tiny rocks before gluing them back together on April Fools, announced she is HAVING A BABY.
I hope you can imagine the amount of screaming that went on when I told her with a bib via skype that we were having a baby only to see her blush and reveal (at the same time that I was saying, "ARE YOU PREGNANT TOO?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that they're also in the baby boat.

She's due April 5th, three days after me. We couldn't have planned so well if we tried. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE EXCITEMENT IF OUR BABIES ARE BORN THE SAME DAY?  Naturally I think we need to have opposite genders so they can get married or the same gender (preferably girl) so they can be best friends. Katie brought up that maybe we shouldn't push any weddings just yet, but I couldn't agree. I was all ready to fill out the paperwork for an arranged marriage.

Whenever we talk on the phone these days we share our pregnancy war stories. She recently sent this to me and I couldn't agree more.

Pregnancy tip of the day:
If you are going out in the morning and you want to put some makeup on so you look somewhat alive -- EVEN IF YOU HAVE ALREADY THROWN UP ONCE THAT DAY -- do not apply mascara until right before you go out the door. Because, who knows, you might have the sudden urge to vomit right before you leave the house, in which process your eyes might water so much that all the mascara drains down your face. So either postpone the application of mascara or - at any rate - look in the mirror before you head out the door. (Thankfully, I did.) that way people won't think you have your holidays mixed up.... "So what freakish creature are you trying to be for Halloween??"

Pearls of wisdom right there. Pearls of wisdom. 

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I bet nothing in your life is nearly as exciting as what is currently going on in mine

I called to set up our weekly trash removal today. You'd think that since we've been living in this house for five weeks we would have done that already, but we haven't. Christopher kept saying he'd do it but I felt bad since he already does so much so I took on the responsibility and never called anyone. Technically I did "research" by calling the all-knowing Aggie to discuss their trash people (as well as belly bands, spray paint, and Aidan's potty training or lack there of), but that was two weeks ago.

You might (or more likely not) be wondering where the trash from the last five weeks has gone. Christopher has either brought it to the dumpster at work (probably not smiled upon) or the dumpster at our old apartment (most certainly not smiled upon). I am one of the most rule following people on the face of the earth. I would never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, knowingly go in the out door. If I ever knowingly go in the out door, you can just call the professionals and have me evaluated because SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. I was a little iffy about bringing our trash to the old apartment because we no longer pay for that trash service, but as Christopher (the non-rule following person to which I am married) pointed out, they charged us two arms and a leg to live there so we should still reap some benefits from all the months of rent. And so, while it was very hard on my conscience, I pretended not to notice when he loaded up the truck and drove over there.


Long story long, I called and we now have completely legal trash pickup scheduled for Monday morning. We had decided to not go with their recyclable service, but the lady started talking about how $1,000 a month from their recycling profits goes towards the Wounded Warrior Fund and wouldn't I love to help those in need? All you have to do is tell me something is going to help those in need and I'm all WHERE DO I SIGN? Besides, I am terrible at saying no when people ask for things and I figured I could always cancel later. You know what the problem with this is? I went with this company over the other because it was one dollar cheaper per quarter and a dollar saved is a dollar earned. The recycling cost $15 a quarter so I just lost us $14 in my attempts to save us one. Is anyone surprised I'm not a math teacher?

In other equally riveting life events, look what I have on the calendar for tomorrow.
I'm nor sure what's more exciting: the arrival of our new trashcan or the fact that our toilet seats won't be falling off anymore.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow: week 11

I told myself this would absolutely not turn into a pregnancy blog but here we are, five posts in a row about a pregnancy that has not felt like a walk through a field of wildflowers. I promise I will not do 500 reviews of baby products. If I had any exciting updates on my living room curtain situation to give you instead, I'd do so in a heartbeat. 

Edition: Not too Much to See Here
Size of baby: 11/2''/ the size of a fig/the size of a golf ball (I'd never say a fig and a golf ball are the same size but what do I know?)
Fun fact: Taste buds are appearing and some bones are beginning to harden
Size of mother: Another pound down, bringing us to a grand total of 7lbs lost.
What's on the menu: Still nothing interesting. I did manage to eat both pizza and chicken wings which is a step in the right direction and somewhat normal personish.
Worst part of the week: How much time time do you have to hear my latest sob story? Grab yourself a beverage because this could take a while. I decided it might be smart to hop over to the hospital for an IV to head off what I was certain was dehydration. When Christopher came home from the field Friday night, I told him that flashing lights filled my eyes one of the many times I got sick. He said that while the lights might have been pretty, they weren't natural. We could have gone to the hospital Friday night but that would have involved me actually standing up and some things are too much to ask for. We went to the hospital Saturday morning looking for some relief and you know what happened? I was refused an IV. The nurse was very sympathetic and would have given me one, but the doctor (who looked like a prison warden), leaned on the side of the bed and told me I was fine (WOULD I BE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM IF I WAS FINE?) and to start taking a different prescription. Then she pointed me in the direction of the exit. I read on the internet that hospitals can't refuse pregnant ladies an iv, but apparently they can. Granted I didn't read that on WebMD or another verifiable source, but chat rooms can't lie! Everything on the internet is true! I left thinking some very unkind thoughts and I continued to think some very unkind thoughts as I sat on a bench outside waiting for Christopher to pick me up.
Best part of the week: I heard the baby's heartbeat while at the hospital. Christopher had to leave to take care of his guys so he missed it, but the nurse gave me the little machine to hold up to my phone so I could record it for him. That nurse was so sweet. She deserves some chocolates that shouldn't be shared with the doctor.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

a morning of errands as dictated by Sesame

Yesterday my mother took me with her to do errands. She was feeling all powerful because A) she babysat Freddy and avoided being kicked in the stomach, and B) wasn't feeling sick so the world was her oyster. She typically says she can't do errands because of me, which I think is slightly unfair. All I do is float around in here and kick my long legs.
Lately errands, especially trips to the grocery store, don't get done or they get pushed on my father. She recently went three weeks without grocery shopping. All my poor dad wants to do is come home from work, but at about 4:45 my mother starts sending text messages like, "Please pick up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store for supper. I don't feel like cooking." "What do you want for supper? I am feeling like death and will be avoiding the evening meal." "I hear Panera makes good sandwiches. Maybe you should try one." It's getting slightly pathetic.

But back to yesterday. We went to Hobby Lobby which she insists on calling Hob Lob which I find so embarrassing. Usually she spends way too long in there, but we managed to get our spray paint and hair clips within a decent time frame. (She says it was because I was "making my presence known" and she didn't want to "cause a scene in the sticker aisle". There she goes- blaming me again.) We stopped to pick out a get well card for a man she knows who just fell out of a tree, and I'm glad she didn't pick this one.
I may not get much social interaction here in Hotel Womb, but sending a card showing a man hanging upside down from a tree to a man who just fell from a tree seems just a little insensitive.

Next we went to Home Depot. My first visit to H.D. involved her standing precariously on a shelf so I was really hoping to avoid a repeat performance. (Note from editor: that was also the day I ate an entire pizza and loved every bite so clearly we're talking about back in the day.) This trip she said she needed a mirror, not the whole frame with a mirror inside, just the mirror part. She already had the frame. She felt the need to explain this to two different employees in GREAT DETAIL. I think they would have understood perfectly fine without all the waving around of her arms to show what a frame is. She needs to think of her errands when planning her wardrobe because do you know what color her shirt was? Orange. And do you know what color Home Depot employees wear? Orange. She committed one of the unpardonable wardrobe sins. A lady waiting for assistance even pointed this out to her and I was OVERJOYED not to be seen during that exchange. 

After all this running about, we had to stop at Walmart for grapes. She said I wanted grapes, but I don't remember asking for any. We ended up leaving with a bottle brush to clean canteens, grapefruit juice, a potted mum, and a very questionable entree of "gourmet" chicken in a box. We were going to eat it for supper (when the father's away the suppers around here are far from fancy), but she changed her mind and ate a rice krispy treat instead. Because I wanted one. 

I will accept full responsibility for that one. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Watch Sesame Grow, weeks 8-10

8 weeks
Edition: I Don't Know What I Should Do with My Arms
Size of baby: 1/2'' or approximately a kidney bean.
Fun fact: Arms began to lengthen and hands are now flexed at the wrist and meet over the heart heart. 

9 weeks
Edition: We had Some Technical Difficulties with the Picture

Size of baby: 1'' or a grape/gummy bear.
Fun fact: The heart finished dividing into four chambers, and the valves started to form- as did tiny teeth. 

10 weeks
Edition: I Managed to Put on Makeup and You Can't Even Tell
Size of baby: little over 1", or about the size of a kumquat/ball of cotton.
Fun fact: Fingernails, toenails, and hair are developing.
Size of mother: 4-5lbs lost. (Let's all be on the same page about one thing. How long I will continue to post my weight is up for debate.)
What on the menu: Nothing interesting, that's for sure. This child looks down on almost everything I enjoy eating which is most disappointing. I was so looking forward to introducing it to food (my first great love), but it rejects almost everything. The child doesn't even like oreos! ARE WE EVEN RELATED? Sometimes I think we can't possible be when he/she has such a terrible attitude about fruit/meat/fried rice/vegetables/pizza/salad/olives/etc etc etc, but then I think about the fact that it's inside of me so... It does enjoy potato chips which proves it has at least some of my genes.
Gender: Girl! I'm still a girl!
Worst part of the week (and the preceding five weeks): Nauseous/sick 92% of the time.
Best part of the week: Tie between seeing Sesame wiggling on last week and getting anti-nausea medication. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

social hour with Sesame

We had a little face to face time with baby Sesame yesterday!
We confirmed there's only one baby on the way. I was little disappointed about it but Christopher was relieved. He's given many speeches along the lines of, "If God wants us to have more than one baby at a time He will give us the strength to deal with it," but it was always in the voice of a resigned martyr. He wasn't quite as excited about the idea of multiples but I don't blame him. He hasn't had an extensive career of caring for three sets of twins like I have.

Our little baby is a mover and a shaker. It was the cutest thing to see Sesame wiggle around and kick it's tiny feet. The chocolate Ensure I drank earlier may have been partially responsible for all the movement. Who wouldn't do a happy dance after tasting chocolate for the first time? It moved the entire 20 minutes until the ultrasound lady said she was going to take a video for us. Like a switch it went still. I have a feeling this pattern is going to repeat throughout the next 90 years. I can forget about all the grand plans I had for cute baby photo shots.

Based on our 20 minutes together, I think the baby has a possible career in the following areas:
1. a orchestra conductor
2. an NYC Rockette (only if it's a girl, obviously)
3. an Olympic athlete. I support this since I'd love to hold my opening ceremony party at the real opening ceremony. Look at those legs! They destined for greatness. (Not to be picky, but I would prefer Sesame pick a sport other than track. Maybe something along the lines of gymnastics.)
Either way, our child is obviously a prodigy.

Monday, September 2, 2013

what I lack in measurement skilz I make up for in laughing skilz

Friday was our first doctor's appointment for the baby. I have never seen anyone so excited about an appointment as Christopher was. He went to Gap and bought a new shirt specifically for our baby doctor date (we turn everything into a date) which was just about the cutest thing ever. I mean the fact that he bought a new shirt was the cutest thing ever, not the shirt itself. Although that was nice too. I think we need to move on.

Normally being in an examining room will send me into fits of giggles. I cannot help it. You understand the problems this causes at the dentist. I warned Christopher of this before we got there but I think I managed to control myself pretty well. To be honest the fact that the midwife brought up the English show Call the Midwives when we were at the midwives in a room with an English intern did strike me as funny, but I remained composed. I'm excited about the baby and all, but I didn't want to come across as giggling mess at my first appointment. These people are going to be all up in my business and I want to remain professional. Just when I was patting myself on the back for my stellar demeanor, the midwife finished her speech about genetic testing and said, "So you guys can decide about that and get back to me." And I almost said, "Get back to you about what?" because I was too busy patting myself on the back to hear everything she said. Good thing the father of the child/my scribe was there. And to think he asked if he should stay in the waiting room!

We go back tomorrow for an ultrasound to determine various things, among which many babies are in there. If they say three, Christopher will die in his chair and I will die laughing.

The only exciting thing (and this is really stretching the definition of the word exciting) to happen Saturday was we hung up new curtains in our living room. You may recall that last week I spent an hour of my life I can never get back in the Target curtain section. Turns out my careful measurements and package readings were in vain because look what we discovered when we put the curtains up.
They're at least 14'' too short. Not to mention that the rods are about 3'' too long on either end. 

Our living room is coming together beautifully!