a morning of errands as dictated by Sesame

Yesterday my mother took me with her to do errands. She was feeling all powerful because A) she babysat Freddy and avoided being kicked in the stomach, and B) wasn't feeling sick so the world was her oyster. She typically says she can't do errands because of me, which I think is slightly unfair. All I do is float around in here and kick my long legs.

Lately errands, especially trips to the grocery store, don't get done or they get pushed on my father. She recently went three weeks without grocery shopping. All my poor dad wants to do is come home from work, but at about 4:45 my mother starts sending text messages like, "Please pick up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store for supper. I don't feel like cooking." "What do you want for supper? I am feeling like death and will be avoiding the evening meal." "I hear Panera makes good sandwiches. Maybe you should try one." It's getting slightly pathetic.

But back to yesterday. We went to Hobby Lobby which she insists on calling Hob Lob which I find so embarrassing. Usually she spends way too long in there, but we managed to get our spray paint and hair clips within a decent time frame. (She says it was because I was "making my presence known" and she didn't want to "cause a scene in the sticker aisle". There she goes- blaming me again.) We stopped to pick out a get well card for a man she knows who just fell out of a tree, and I'm glad she didn't pick this one.

 

I may not get much social interaction here in Hotel Womb, but sending a card showing a man hanging upside down from a tree to a man who just fell from a tree seems just a little insensitive.

Next we went to Home Depot. My first visit to H.D. involved her standing precariously on a shelf so I was really hoping to avoid a repeat performance. (Note from editor: that was also the day I ate an entire pizza and loved every bite so clearly we're talking about back in the day.) This trip she said she needed a mirror, not the whole frame with a mirror inside, just the mirror part. She already had the frame. She felt the need to explain this to two different employees in GREAT DETAIL. I think they would have understood perfectly fine without all the waving around of her arms to show what a frame is. She needs to think of her errands when planning her wardrobe because do you know what color her shirt was? Orange. And do you know what color Home Depot employees wear? Orange. She committed one of the unpardonable wardrobe sins. A lady waiting for assistance even pointed this out to her and I was OVERJOYED not to be seen during that exchange. 

After all this running about, we had to stop at Walmart for grapes. She said I wanted grapes, but I don't remember asking for any. We ended up leaving with a bottle brush to clean canteens, grapefruit juice, a potted mum, and a very questionable entree of "gourmet" chicken in a box. We were going to eat it for supper (when the father's away the suppers around here are far from fancy), but she changed her mind and ate a rice krispy treat instead. Because I wanted one. 

I will accept full responsibility for that one.