at least we still have memes

I am over this stupid virus. 

OVER IT. 

I really reached a breaking point with it last week. I so desperately want life to be normal again. I don't want to worry about visiting family because I might get my grandma sick. I hate going to the store with people who stand a mile away at check out like they think one of the other customers is about to explode. I remember back in March, at the very beginning of quarantine, saying to Christopher that if "they" could promise this would all be over by July 1st I'd stay home and do whatever they asked so life could get back to normal. July seemed so far off and I needed to hold onto the hope that it would be over by then. Young, naive Sarah. When all the protests started, I kept thinking, "If only we could go back to only having the virus to worry about." 

I haven't had a wedding or graduation canceled, but it hasn't been a walk in the park either. The beginning of the virus coincided with the beginning of my ectopic pregnancy. I spent weeks going to the doctor every few days for ultrasounds and blood tests. I'd slink out of the house praying that the neighbors weren't watching and judging for me leaving again. At the time, our town had the third-highest number of cases per capita in the world but I had to go to the hospital for a shot in the midst of it all. The nurse didn't know where to put me so I sat next to the nurses' station while the vice president of the hospital and several high ups stood three feet away from me and planned how to turn that wing of the hospital into the new covid-specific emergency room. Two hours later, they started bringing positive cases in, walking them right by me.

Annabelle's emotions have been up and down. Some days she's fine but everything in her little world is topsy turvy. She's desperate to see friends. Every time she asks to play with a new friend it's a dance of "Are you ok getting together? I am but if you're not, that's fine! We can see you in 14 weeks if things have improved!" By now we know who is and who isn't fine with visits so at least we have that. We can't go to splash pads or library activities. She put a tiny paper mask on her doll and it made me tear up. I don't want her growing up in this new world. 

I want to go to the store without worrying. Our TJMaxx was open for several weeks before I went in. I didn't want a visit to my favorite store to be ruined by masks and directional stickers on the floor. Some of the arrows were pointing in opposite directions in one-way aisles so it was impossible to follow. We went to Bath & Body Works but we had to call first to see if they were open because we can't assume these days. They were, but only allowed 13 people in at a time. Trying to keep us separated seemed pointless when we were all standing next to each other to pick up and smell candles and lotions. The cashier told me to put the items on the counter so she wouldn't have to touch them, but she touched them anyway when she put them in the bag. At Publix, their new thing is to make the customers stand so far away from the card reader that it can't physically be reached. Once the bagger is done bagging the customer is ''allowed" to move forward and pay. Meanwhile over in produce, Elmer is chatting with everyone while he restocks peaches and peppers a foot away from shoppers. Kevin is restocking crackers right next to customers. I know everyone is doing the best they can and none of us have gone through this before, but I don't understand some decisions. 

Don't get me started on having to make educational choices for this year.

On the very tiny bright side, there's a small part of me that likes that literally everyone in the world is being affected by the same thing. I used to say delivering a baby was the great equalizer and I'm going to add global pandemics to the list. We used to talk about the weather when there was nothing else to say. Now we talk about what has become the new hot commodity at the grocery store. It's fascinating to read articles and watch videos by people going through the same thing in other countries. High School Musical was ahead of the times when they sang, "We're all in this together" back in 2006.

I know we're very fortunate and that millions of people have it much worse, but it's still hard. It's like we're living in a snowglobe that's been shaken, thrown against the wall, shattered into a hundred pieces then stomped on by a bull. But let me tell you how I really feel! I'm so thankful that Annabelle doesn't know the full extent of what's happening. Last night at bedtime she prayed, "Thank you that everything is going so well." I'm glad she feels that way! 

currently, the pandemic edition

Reading: Stand All the Way Up by Sophie Hudson and The Last Boyfriend by Nora Roberts

Listening to: Virgin River by Robyn Carr. I watched the show on Netflix and a friend recommended the books. It's very well written but significantly more steamy than the show. I popped my earbuds in very fast so AB didn't hear anything I would have to explain.

When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalinithi. In another life, I have a dream of being a brain surgeon so I enjoy reading about surgeons and pretending that I too could have saved lives in the OR. I'd also like to be an astronaut and when I was young, I dreamed of being a cash register. I really wanted to hold all those dolla bills. Neither has come true but Pinterest tells me to never give up on my dreams. 

Annabelle has been "playing" the recorder lately. There is a direct connection between her playing and the increase of me wearing my headphones.

Wearing: After many many years of searching and experimenting, I am proud to announce I have finally found the perfect mascara. I sent Christopher the link Annabelle knows my love language is mascara and gave it to me for my birthday. It has lived up to every good review I've ever heard.  

Completely over: this stupid virus. It's outstayed it's welcome!

Returning to: church. Yesterday we finally got to meet in the building. There was only a smattering of the normal members, but it was really nice to be back. It's unbelievable how much has changed since the last time we were there. Every other pew was roped off and they all had humorous signs attached to the ropes. 

Not wearing: lipgloss. Masks have made lipgloss a thing of the past which is the real tragedy of the 'rona.

bits and pieces

The kitchen remodel project is nearing it's end and I love how it looks. Painting the walls has been harder to do because Belle Belle has been very clingy and we had to establish a schedule of when we can play together and when I need to work.

I had a friend's 13yo daughter come over as a mother's helper for one afternoon. She had never been over before and AB was a little nervous about it. I checked on her in bed the night before and she was holding her little mirror and practicing what she would say. "Hi, Reagan. Would you like to play with clay? Hi, Reagan. Thank you for coming over. Mom, I don't think that was right. Did I sound friendly?" At least she always got her name right. Our neighbor's name is Kennedy and I kept calling Reagan the neighbor's name. I knew it was a president's name!
When Reagan did arrive, Annabelle had so much fun. She loves any new person to entertain with her endless stories and ridiculous questions. Reagan had just finished a safe sitter class so she asked me all the questions the teacher recommended. I don't know if I'll ever get used to being on the mom side of the fence instead of the babysitter side. Her mom was thrilled that I asked for Reagan's help. She texted me and said, "Thank you for giving Reagan this opportunity!" You're thanking me? THANK YOU for giving me three hours to paint without disruption. I will be happy to give her the opportunity at any time. It's crazy to think that in 7 years, AB might be the one I'm dropping off to be a mother's helper. I need to go breathe into a paper bag. 

We watched one of AB's little friend's yesterday. They get along fine but have vastly different interests. He can explain Minecraft and legos. She asked him if he knows what types of food they eat in Bulgaria then several hours later asked if he wanted to waltz. He did not. It made me laugh so hard.

The fourth of July has always been one of my very favorite holidays but this year but so different. I know it wasn't normal for anyone and it didn't seem like a celebratory day. We did a few things at home and I did grocery shopping like any normal Saturday. There were no parades, no cookouts, and no big fireworks displays. We have no family nearby to visit. We did make star and flag sugar cookies while listening to patriotic music which was nice. Christopher and Annabelle picked out sparklers and little fireworks so we had a little show in our driveway. Our favorite was the one that shot out a little parashooter. 

AB gave me a lesson on how to do the throw poppers so they popped properly. She called them "popper-its." She knows how to waltz and set off fireworks. There's nothing she doesn't do!