Friday, June 20, 2014

maybe tomorrow I'll watch Bin in my jelly pizzazz glasses

I am out of things to blog about. You'd think I'd actually have to blog more than twice a month to be out of material but here I am, out of material. 

After starting and erasing three different posts, this is the best I could came with up.

* Annabelle and I sat down in a chair on our front porch at the exact moment that our next door neighbor, also in his front yard, took off his shirt while cutting the grass so it looked like we came out for the express purpose of watching him. We didn't but I haven't made eye contact with him since. (There was also the time I rushed out onto the back porch to take a picture of the sunset over his house not knowing he was sitting on his back porch so it looked like I wanted a picture of him. It's getting awkward in this neighborhood.)

* In regards to the aforementioned neighbor, for months I believed his name was Vin. Christopher took me that was his name the day they met. The other day I mentioned something about him (probably something along the lines of how his grass looks better than ours) and Christopher said his name is Ben, not Vin. This revelation started a conversation about how even after living with him for three years I still can't always understand Christopher's accent. As for our neighbor, I've decided to call him Bin.

* Does anyone know how to get rid of flies? A family of flies has moved into our house and I've had it UP TO HERE with them. They're causing me to think some unholy thoughts. Last year in a moment of desperation I combined cantaloupe juice with kalamata olive juice in a bowl on the counter. It did absolutely no good. To use the lingo of the young people these days, #PinterestFail

* A woman on the phone told me today I "sound petite".

* I went to the eye doctor last week. I'd been putting it off for weeks but finally made the appointment. That makes total sense when you think about it. Why putting off seeing perfectly clearly now when I could wait five months to see? It took me 55 minutes to pick out my new glasses. I liked one pair but Janet P, the lady assigned to help me, said she didn't like the flowers on the side. I wouldn't have minded that she stated her opinion if she followed it up with something like, "They're not my personal style but they look nice on you." I am way too much of a people pleaser for her to simply say she didn't like them. I'd feel like I was hurting her feelings if I picked a pair she didn't like. #WhatIsWrongWithMe The second pair I liked was a lovely color but it had the Chase Bank symbol on the side and until I am an executive at Chase Bank I won't wear glasses that make me look like a walking advertisement. As this point I was really wishing I could keep my pretty Vera Bradley glasses with the blue and white swirls and avoid this whole process. Annabelle was starting to get antsy and I knew I had to wrap things up so after polling three separate ladies I picked a pair that's a much different design that I normally wear. When I picked them up the next day Christopher said the swirls on the side look like jellyfish. Just what I was hoping he'd say! Janet P said they add some pizzazz to my face. The man behind the counter took one look and told me they're "Jelly pizzazz" glasses. WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES JELLY PIZZAZZ MEAN? Thank you, Jason, for making me self conscious every time I wear these in public. I feel like I should get a job at an aquarium.  


Debbie said...

I LOVE your sense of humor!! You have a knack of turning an ordinary situation into something hysterical…and you always give me laugh! Also…I want to tell you how to get of flies…take a lemon and cut it in half. Take whole cloves and stick them everywhere on the open side of the lemon. Just lay it on your kitchen counter, or outside on your picnic table, etc…anywhere there are flies… they will not come near you any more! It works every time!! Have a nice day, and don't stop blogging!

Michelle said...

I HAVE THE SAME ISSUE WITH JAMES' ACCENT. I'll think I have it, and then he says something and I hear it all wrong. I love that you and I share this problem.

Still cracking up over jelly pizzazz.

Mrs. K said...

The struggle is real at the eye glass store. I went recently, too and I hate trying on glasses. I usually have to buy teen glasses b/c I guess my face is freakishly small. Anyway, the lady kept trying to help me and I hated telling her that everything she was picking out was absolutely horrendous so I pretended to like them drawing out the process even further. Glad that's over. I ended up with a spiffy purple pair, too ;)