Muffin Tins and Egg Cartons and Betsy Ross

Guest post by Sister of the Blog "The Squidz" Elizabeth

Sarah is an Enneagram twelve. She's certain of it.

If you have not heard of the Enneagram, this isn’t the place to learn about it. On all things typology, Sarah prefers to swing between radio silence on her blog and outrage from her couch.  

That is why I, the sister who enjoys the more intellectual pursuits of life, have taken it upon myself to shed some light on the topic. She would rather attend an American Legion parade in 103-degree weather than dignify the Enneagram “fad” by giving it attention on her blog. 

As it stands, the task is left to me to explain. Since I value our relationship in general and her generous trips to Dunkin’ Donuts in particular, a lengthy explanation seems precarious. I'm already walking on fragile interweb turf. I don't want to fall through a digital rabbit hole and meet the OshKoshBGosh wearing Sarah of 2005 as she sits down at her giant Dell computer to check her emails. I'd just rather not, so the Enneagram background story will be shorter than the laundering instructions stitched on the inside of pair of overalls.

The Enneagram system suggests that, in general, human beings see the world in nine different ways. These “lenses” influence the way a person sees herself, her relationships, and her purpose in life. Sarah and I have visited several times since the Enneagram entered our lives. Every time, she asks, “What do you think I am again?” She doesn’t ask because she really wants to know. She asks, “So I can speak your language, Squidzen.” Obviously, she doesn’t listen. This is why we cover the same information at least 27 times per visit.

“What number do you think I am again, Squidzz?”

“Well, you’re not supposed to tell other people what they are. But I think you’re a Six. This means you’re very loyal and also can tend to be anxious and prepare for the worst.”

“What!? I’m not anxious! When do I prepare for the worst? I’m very upbeat and positive!”

“You sleep with a baseball bat under your bed. You said it’s there to defend yourself against intruders. And you do have about 3,492 boxes of bandaids, about 17 flashlights in your car, and a glove compartment full of coffee supplies that you’ve collected for months in case Dunkin Donuts runs out. Plus, any time I frown, you ask me if I’m about to climb on a roof and jump off.” 

“Well, it’s because YOU are a UPS. A CVS. An EFIPHGJ.”

“You mean an INFP. And an HSP. A highly sensitive person.”

“Oh, my word. AREN’T WE ALL? I don’t like hearing the neighbor’s dogs barking in the middle of the night! I don’t like when loud noises disturb my sleep! But that’s not because I’m a SPHEGU. It’s because I have a very talkative daughter and would prefer not to have a talkative dog intruding on my beauty sleep.”

“I think it’s more than that….” 

“WELL, I DON’T! IT’S RIDICULOUS!”

I sigh. 

It's only a matter of time until she asks me all over again.

However, just a few weeks ago, we had a breakthrough. 

We’d just finished watching You Before Me. During the opening credits, Sarah had insisted that we should cry. Not having understood the plot at all, I did not comply. But Sarah went above and beyond the call of duty. She announced that she had been crying real tears. In wonder, I insisted that she remove her glasses so I could inspect her eyes. She did and, sure enough, tears dribbled down her face. I was thrilled.

For a while, we both lay on the couch. The late hour and the tragic movie quieted us. Then, Sarah put down her phone. 

“I’m DEFINITELY a twelve.” 

I was no longer sleepy. “What?”

“I’m a twelve. All the greatest people are twelves.” 

She flicked her finger over the screen of her phone and exhaled in a superior way.

“Twelves are well-behaved, VERY well-behaved,” she said. “Twelves like glitter and sparkles. Betsy Ross was a twelve. The Founding Fathers wanted to create an  American flag that only had stripes. Betsy was appalled. She added the stars. If it wasn't for Betsy, the American flag would be completely made out of stripes. That’s what twelves do--they add stars to things.”

“Wow!” I was amazed. “Do you know of any other twelves?”

“Oh, sure. Betsy Ross is the original twelve. But Kate Middleton, Hoda Kotb, and Dick VanDyke are also twelves. Twelves are funny. Well-loved. All the positives.”

As I lay and watched the blur of Sarah’s finger racing over Words with Friends, the reality began to set in for me. It’s no coincidence that a muffin tin holds twelve muffins, an egg carton holds twelve eggs, the year holds twelve months, a foot has twelve inches, and recovery programs have twelve steps. Roses, jury members, and the Days of Christmas come in twelves. Jesus even chose twelve Apostles. 

Come to think of it, maybe her type needs no intellectual explanation. Their zany touch is all around us. 

Sometimes, on a crisp Autumn afternoon, I think I hear welve drummers drumming to celebrate Sarah and the Twelves. 

Or maybe that's just Betsy Ross stomping her foot in defense of those stars on the American flag.

our career as dancers will start as soon as we stop eating pizza on the couch

Happy Tuesday! Last night I made Christopher have a conversation about jelly flavors if you're wondering the level of intellectual conversation I bring to the table.

Last week we made a quick trip up to Christopher's parents. I have very few photos from the weekend, but I do have documentation of the most monumental moment of the trip: AB finally learned to pull her own luggage. Seventy-five percent of what we bring onboard is hers so it's about time she starts pulling her own weight around here.

We had a nice time visiting with the family and AB had so much fun she told me multiple times she wished she could live with Oma and Opa. She ate chocolate, jumped on the trampoline in a fairy costume and walked the dog. It was her dream vacation.

On Monday we dropped Christopher off at the Columbus airport and drove to Michelle's for a very quick visit. The drive to her house was BEAUTIFUL. Maybe one of our moves should be to Ohio where the roads are windy and the trees and fields perfection. We hadn't seen each other in over two years which is two years too long. She's one of the best gifts the internet has given me. Annabelle gave Gracie the side-eye for a few minutes but soon they were off digging in the dirt and "picking poisonous berries." Every other time I've traveled to Ohio something has gone wrong and I REALLY didn't want the catastrophe of this trip to be that my child generously shared berries with Gracie that ended up killing her. I don't think they were poisonous, but I shut down the berry business just in case. They played so sweetly together. I so wish we lived 16 minutes instead of 16 hours apart.

Michelle wasn't feeling well the whole time and I felt bad taking over a corner of her couch and talking her ear off, but I'm SO GLAD we got to visit. We had the best time. We watched Dancing with the Stars and laughed like I haven't laughed in so long. We didn't get a picture together, but I did find this paparazzi shot of us with Sean Spicer, the former White House Communications Director, after his DWTS debut. Not everyone can pull off a sequined pineapple top but Michelle can and that's a quality I always look for in a friend.  

(I will require that Michelle and I both use this photo as our 2019 Christmas cards.
I spent four Peppa Pig episodes and delayed snacktime twice while creating this masterpiece
using my limited photoshop skilz.)

Coffee talk

The hunt for a new church continues. It's been a long and arduous process with very little success. I'm tempted to start Mattress Springs Baptist at home and not leave the bed on Sunday morning but we press on. We were invited to a friends church and have attended the last three weeks. Somewhere along the line, they got our contact information so Bev from the welcome committee showed up on our front step today. I wasn't going to answer the door but she saw me look at her through the window so I had no choice. We had just gotten home from swimming and running errands in the 100* weather and I was in no shape to be entertaining. No doubt Bev thought this when she saw me.

Bev acknowledged that they like to "show up unannounced." I guess she hasn't read the Sarah Version of the Bible that reads, "And do not catch people unaware and in a hairstyle they do not wish to be seen in, but alert them before you show up midafternoon on a Wednesday." But she brought us a Dunkin Donuts gift card so I guess that answers the question of which church we'll be joining. 

Speaking of coffee, last week I went to the fancy coffee shop on the other side of town. Their website says they're "Springville's premier coffee shop" which isn't a difficult accomplishment given that they're Springville's ONLY coffee shop. I rolled up to the order window and stared stupidly at the girl when she asked what I'd like. I completely forgot where I was and what I was there for. I looked at her and she looked at me. It was as if I had never used a drive through before.

Speaking of drive-throughs, I've had to give Sesame many a lesson on drive-through etiquette lately. It's a known fact that the driver gets the orders of all passengers before approaching the order box and said passengers need to be quiet while the driver orders. AB knows this. She's been to many a drive-through in her short life, but for some reason she's decided I haven't done a sufficiant job ordering and she'll call out her order from the backseat as I'm speaking. I know if we go to Chickfila she'll want a kids meal with 6 nuggets, fries and a small lemonade. She gets the same thing every time. I'll be in the middle of ordering and she'll yell out, "DON'T FORGET MY KIDS TOY! DON'T FORGET MY YEMONADE!" At Dunkin Donuts she'll call out, "Can I have hashfries? Can I have milk? Do they have doughnuts today?" as I place my medium iced coffee, regular sugar extra cream order. The worker can't hear so I have to repeat but AB thinks she needs to repeat. It's chaos. If she thinks she's so great to ordering she can start paying too. I'll be over in the corner watching the whole thing while I drink my free coffee courtesy of Bev.  

currently, the short edition

Listening to: stories from AB’s swimming teacher. She's had a very interesting life and each week she shares such odd stories I sometimes wonder if she’s stretching the truth a little. I asked how she met her current (third) husband and she said at the mailbox. I asked if he was a mailman and she said he was not. He was going out to the mailbox to mail his divorce papers at the same time she was getting her mail while walking her dog. He said, “I like your dog.” She said, “I like your truck.” They've been together 43 years. And just like that, Brad Paisley has the outline for a new country song.

Waiting for: Annabelle to finish ballet class. It’s her first ballet lesson of the year and we barely rolled in on time because we got stuck behind a school bus. I accidentally got black sharpie on her pink tights while writing her initials on her shoes.  She had an applesauce pouch on the way and spilled half of it on her leotard. I do not like dirty clothes. I don’t have any problem with her playing hard and having fun, but I very seldom bring her out in public with dirty clothes or a dirty face. She had Cheez-It crumbs on her face, applesauce stains on her leotard and sharpie on her legs. She’s a walking billboard in support of Shout and laundry detergent companies everywhere. It's a humbling moment for me.

Considering: retiring from my night job. It’s been going along fine for several months now but this past Saturday was a real doozy. I like my boss, but I don’t like when she stays during the class. If I’m going to mess up it’s guaranteed that I’ll mess up when she walks by. First off, we were offering free mimosas. I didn’t know that we were mixing the juice and champagne separately so I handed out several cups of plain juice with not a drop of champagne. It’s been so humid we’d started using modgepodge to help hold the stencil on the wood. Modgepodge and white paint look exactly alike. I knew we had both in little cups on the table, so I smelled both and told the three closest people which cup was which. What do you think I gave the lady at my table to glue her stencil down? Not modgepodge. She started dabbing with the white paint in a place she didn’t want white paint. OF COURSE, the boss happened to be at the end of my table and saw the whole interaction. I don’t know what happened. Maybe all my sniffing of paint and glue messed up my brain cells. A lady asked if I'd help her paint an ombre sunset on the background of her sign. What I should have said was no. What I did say was sure! I'd be happy to! We ended up repainting the whole background because it looked so bad. 

Laughing at: Annabelle. She's been listening to hours upon hours of the kids podcast, Circle Round. Every episode is a folk tale from a different country and includes little sayings and tidbits of wisdom she likes to throw into daily conversation. We were having a picnic lunch at her playhouse and as she climbed through the window she said, "Every time a door closes, go through a window." long pause "But it's important to make sure that window isn't locked before you try to go through it." She has gotten so funny and really understands jokes and puns. 

Pondering: how to discuss death with AB. We're very open about discussing most topics in a child-appropriate way, so when our fish died I assumed she'd have questions since she hasn't had much experience with death. We talked about why the fish died (most likely cause of death was heart attack thanks to being tortured by the cats) and that was about it. She'd stop every so often to look at him floating in the tank but didn't say much. When I was sending him down the porcelain express she furrowed her brow and said, "What was that fish's name, again?" Needless to say she isn't going to lose much sleep over Martin VanBluey.