.six.

My favorite girl turned six on Saturday. Last month she was swimming in a cake pan because we didn't own a kiddie pool and now she's waiting for her first tooth to fall out.

Every March 28th I take her picture at 1:40, the minute she turns another year older. It's neat to look back and see what she's doing at that time every year because it really shows what she's into. She LOVES coloring and drawing right now.  

She had a lot of first this year. She graduated from preschool and started piano lessons. She did her first group sport and danced in her first recital. 

She got her first headache, first case of HFM and went to the eye doctor for the first time. She went to her first VBS and on her first camping trip. I feel like she's done so many big kid firsts this year. She's somewhat adjusted to me working and not being home to tuck her in every night. Most nights she waits for me to get home to fall asleep which is slightly annoying but honestly makes me happy because it's so sweet. 

She still has a wild imagination and an assortment of imaginary friends. Her original group of Goldbug, Garby, Carla, Azelia and the baby are no longer part of her imaginary rotation but I refuse to let them die off. She brings her brother Matt on every trip and I always ask if she's going to bring Goldbug and Co and she says no. I know she's going to say no but I ask anyway.

She loves coloring, playing outside, snugging the cats and collecting stuffed animals. We have more stuffed animals than we know what to do with but every time I try to get rid of some she notices. She loves history and doing science experiments. We're still working on reading and her handwriting leaves much to be desired but we're getting there. She's started to sound out words and write us notes and letters and I love it. She loves jokes and making puns. She would listen to kids podcasts and audio books all day if I let her.

She adores Christopher. All day long she asks how long it is until he comes home. They still go on Daddy Daughter Breakfast every Saturday morning and sometimes they let me come but I know she prefers when it's just the two of them.

I'm not sure how much she weighs but she's around 47". She has her 6 year well check tomorrow morning at 8:30 which was VERY optimistic planning on the part of pre-quarantine Sarah. I guarantee you I thought we'd get the appointment out of the way, then have time to go to the library and do some school before swimming lessons. Now we feel like we're really living it up because we get to leave the house at all and drive to the doctors. How the times have changed. 

I love this picture from the cruise because she looks like her two-year-old self and I cling to every little bit of babyhood. ''What a surprise that you don't want her to grow up" said no one ever. 

We've had some rough patches lately because she's started to think she is more of an authority figure in our home than she is. We've always given her the respect of listening to her thoughts and opinions but as she's gotten older it's become apparent that she assumes she has more influence on daily decisions than she does so we've had to work on that. I want her to know she's an important part of the family but she isn't a third adult. I never imagined I'd make it 6 years into parenting and only have one child but here we are. I was never someone who wanted to have children close together because I wanted to enjoy each child as a baby and toddler and we've gotten that with Sesame. As I say to her every night, she's my best girl.

quarantine diaries

Well, hello.

What's up? Anything new? Is all calm and peaceful in your neck of the woods? 

Wouldn't mind being quarantined here.

We spent last week recovering from a very intense sickness we picked up while on a cruise. St. Thomas souvenir germs if you will. The beginning of the sickness coincided with when coronavirus started to snowball downhill which was not comforting. It felt like bronchitis plus strep throat plus a sinus infection. I have not felt so sick in years. It was MISERABLE. I told Christopher he could not get what I had because I wouldn't be able to handle that level of manflu. We would need to quarantine for the sake of our marriage. I went to the doctor and tested negative for the flu, strep and was told I didn't have bronchitis.  That left coronavirus which was also negative. Apparently, I had another much less hip and trendy virus that my cocktail of Benadryl, Claritin, cough drops, Advil and inhalers barely touched. I have documentation to prove I don't have the virus which I almost pulled out yesterday when I was at Sprint and coughed into my elbow. It was a normal tickle, not the cough of someone on the brink of death, but the Sprint lady looked horrified and as if she wanted to douse me in Lysol. 

The first week of staying home was a much-needed rest. We had just come home from the trip and were sick so we didn't want to leave the house anyway. Today I looked at the calendar to see how many weeks we've been home after the week we were sick and I truly thought we were coming to the end of our second or possibly third week. It's only been one. I'm a homebody so staying home and having free days hasn't been too hard for me so far. I miss going to church, the playground, the library and having playdates but other than that our daily life hasn't changed too much. It is harder in some ways because we don't have any of our normal activities to take up time and sometimes I struggle with keeping us occupied and getting to the end of the day with happy hearts, but we could be struggling so much worse. We could be Anne Frank stuck in an attic for 25 MONTHS with no access to a real bathroom. We can deal with being stir crazy and/or bored. I do feel bad that AB is missing swimming, ballet and the homeschool group (and therefore I'm missing a couple hours of alone time) but she's been content to play at home. She's been extra clingy but she's bouncing around like normal and thrilled that she has an even more captive than normal audience to talk to. The part that's hardest for me so far is not knowing how long this will go on. Whether it would be easier or harder if I knew this would go on until July 1st I don't know, but I would feel better if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so grateful it's been nice weather because neighborhood walks are the saving grace at the end of the day. 

Annabelle turns 6 tomorrow which is very rude. I've told her over and over again to stop growing! Enough of this nonsense! Actually, I've had to cut down on telling her that because she's gotten VERY upset about having a birthday. She's cried about it multiple times so I've had to talk up how great it will be to be 6. It will be so fun! She'll still be able to live at home with me and Daddy! Life won't change very much! The hardest part might be that she'll need to use both hands to show her age. I think her hesitation about turning 6 is part of why she's been more clingy. I appreciate that she loves me but sitting outside the bathroom door is not necessary at this point in either of our lives. She wanted to spend the night in a hotel instead of having a birthday party but obviously that can't happen now. She also wanted a playdate with her friends but that will have to happen in a few weeks/months/years. I'm going to turn the living room into Hotel de Annabelle complete with chocolate on the pillowcases. I will be the front desk worker, maid and chef who provides the morning buffet. So basically it's business as usual for me. 

Time to go cry into my pillow over the child who is practically a grown up blow up balloons for the birthday girl.

All This And Nothing Even Rhymes With Virus

 Guest post by Sister of the Blog Elizabeth 

Well, I’ve given up people for Lent.

 I wish I’d known sooner that this was a viable option . If I’d known that “self-quarantined” was an available excuse, I would have started using it years ago.

Obviously, if there was ever a time to write a self-quarantine haiku, that time is upon us. If I knew how to write a haiku, I would. I actually have no idea, so I’ll stick with just being a proud self-quarantiner. I plan to celebrate coming out of the closet by going back in it. I’ll continue my regular routine by staying in my pajamas in my house with all my imaginary friends who recite poetry to me and laugh at all my jokes.

Now, COVID-19 has given me something of a solitude wind-fall, but that doesn’t keep the restless stir crazy wiggles away completely. I’ve compiled a short list of things to do when this happens.

Tell yourself jokes and silly thoughts.

This technique comes in very handy if you find yourself wearing a droopy face because of all the stress you feel. Tell yourself a silly thing and you’ll turn that frown upside down.

·       One of my Chinese-speaking students at school meant to say that people from Britain are British. Instead, she said, “People who live in Britain are Britilicious.”

·       Our niece Ariela reminded Grammy to go out and buy “sand hanitizer.”

·       The other day, I overheard two people debating whether dogs or cats are superior. The cat advocate said, “Just think, without cats, Crazy Cat Ladies would just be straight up Crazy Ladies.”

·       What do dyslexic zombies exclusively eat? Brians.

Read Castle Corona by Sharon Creech. 

     Although she wrote it in 2007 to tell a story about knights and peasants and poisons, I don’t think we could find a better time to read it. Watch Tangled again. Rapunzel lives in the Kingdom of Corona. Why not feed our brains alternative corona associations that don’t include death or social unrest?

Talk to strangers.

      If it’s not already glaringly apparent, this point should prove that my sister and I have vastly different approaches to life.  For her, stranger is a person who could potentially pop your car tires or ring your door bell and run away or take away your cookies on your birthday. You NEVER KNOW WHICH kind of person they will be so you must be VERY careful.

     On the other hand, as I told Sarah the other day, “To me, a stranger is just a friend I haven’t made yet.” Whichever philosophy you believe, there is something to be said for exchanging a few extra words with the increasing amount of people you see roaming around your neighborhood. Consider it networking for when you need to barter with them for toilet paper later.

Don’t worry about the toilet paper.

      If worse comes to worse, you can go to CVS or Walgreens, buy a tiny tube of Maybelline mascara, and walk away with a receipt the length of a roll of Charmin. You’ll know what to do next. Thank me later.

Consider a few conspiracy theories. 

     It’s good for the soul. Could Big Charmin be behind the pandemic?  What two bears would wipe their bottoms on nationally syndicated television without an ulterior motive.

 Write your own news. 

      Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” I take this to mean that I should create the kind of news stories I would prefer to hear and then read them with the full trust of my college-educated brain. Surely, that will at least change my own droopy face. Inspired by some new policies that discourage any gatherings over ten people, I have conducted some on the ground journalism and produced the following reports.

Tensions Rise As First, Third, and Fifth Mormon Wives Choose Which Child To Evict In Wake of Over Ten People Policy Enactment

"Jeremiah never did scrub the trailer floor well enough anyway," said Sylvia Shroder, Elijah Shroder's 5th wife.

"We are praying for guidance from our Lord," shared Elijah Shroder later. "Stress is running high here in the caves of Ridge City, Utah. We don't want to send away any of our 43 children."

Sources say that the Shroder family is floating ideas of sewing together all of the girls' full-body bathing suits to create an independent island.

"We don't know how we'll grow our beets in the dresses, " admits Sylvia. "But at least we will be together."

Together, that is, except for Jeremiah. He now shines the tubas for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Most recently, the family is turning their considerable mental focus on how to keep the island clean. With such a large population living on full-body bathing suits, cleanliness issues could cause a new pandemic.

Jedidiah Ephraim, the 7th son of 3rd wife Jody Prudence and one of Elijah's 17 sons, is good with his hands.

"While driving our truck to the river to remove our overalls from the catfish hole," Jedediah told reporters, "I figured how to clean the island with the machine I’ve invented." 

The machine will attach the handle of a vacuum cleaner to the body of a Whirlpool dishwasher. The dirt and dust which accumulate on the island will be sucked up into the dishwasher and exit, cleaned soil, from a hole in the back. "Nine of the youngins will pull it like a plow across our island. Cleanliness is next to Joseph Smith, after all."

When asked for the name of the island, unidentified neighbors agreed on Mormonhatten. No word yet on where these desert dwellers will find water to place the island.

The Utah Today-- March 18th, 2020

Home School Family Ditches Van, Faces Jail Time After Impersonating Funeral Procession Doug and Wendy Lister are facing extended jail time today. Their clandestine transportation scheme was discovered late Thursday by local officials in Orange County, Illinois. The Listers, whose 13 children normally ride in a 15 passenger van, have run into issues as their family exceeds the newly rolled out policies limiting gatherings to ten or fewer people. The family noticed that they regularly broke the law just by riding to their local library to borrow books about making homemade toilet paper. "We have noticed that our large family intimidates the wait staff at our local Red Lobster, but we never thought our full quiver would force us toward a life of crime," mourned Wendy to a reporter. To what life of crime is Wendy referring? Local officials began receiving calls from Orange County residents who reported seeing a line of black cars, lights flashing, riding back and forth from the local 4H each Monday and Wednesday. "We didn't think that many people were dying," recalls Randy Graves, owner of the local Exxon station. "Our town only holds about 345 people." Unfolding reports confirm that the Lister family bought the four hearses previously owned by the Orange Counter Funeral Home, whose proprietor believed the vehicles would be used for charity. “Doug assured me that the hearses would be used to carry baby blankets to the pediatric ward of our hospital. Every blanket was knitted by one of Doug’s ten daughters so I thought I could do something good for the community.”  Unfortunately, the Lister family turned on the flashing lights of the black funeral vehicles and raised the funeral flags too many times. Locals caught on. Police continue to question Doug and Wendy. As all of their children are above the age of 18, jail time will likely result for them as well. No word yet on how the Orange County jail deal with the influx of inmates. The number will be greater than ten. The Orange Country Inquirer-- March 22nd, 2020 Finally, if you have a sister, call her as many times as you possibly can. Ask her for updates about her bronchitis. She may not even notice that you’re just calling because you miss her She may not even know that you would rather live on an island made of dresses than socially distance from her.

I'm always available as a backup singer if needed

Several weeks ago AB and I started piano lessons. I brought my meager stack of piano music which was a few classical books, a Pacabels Canon, a Josh Groban song and three Josh Turner songs. The teacher looked at the three Josh Turner's and said, "You're really into this Josh Turner guy, aren't you?"

Yes. Yes, I am. Guilty as charged.

Here we are at our first face to park bench meeting in 2012. 

The fact that someone convinced Josh Turner to have a concert in our town is a shocker and a sign that the Lord still does miracles. Nobody cool ever comes to our part of the country. NOBODY. Christopher heard he was coming from someone at work and called me to see if I wanted to go for a belated Valentine's date. I could not have said yes any faster. The concert was the day before we left for a trip with Christopher's family. I can't fathom the disappointment if he was in town the day we left and we missed him. I scheduled a babysitter instantly and counted down the weeks. The day arrived and I was so excited. I told the babysitter to come at 6:15. At 3:00 she texted saying she had the stomach bug for several days and was so sick she forgot to text me earlier in the week. She could still come, but she still felt nauseous. I told her not to worry about it. These things happen and I could find someone else. In my mind, it was PANIC! PANIC! I CANNOT MISS JOSH. I didn't want to ask any friends with kids because they'd need to be at home putting their kids to bed. I was going to ask my friend Amy then remembered she'd be at the same concert. I have no family here to ask. I almost called the theater and asked if we could buy another ticket and she sit on our lap. Worst case scenario, Christopher would have to stay home and I go alone. It would not have been ideal to spend our Valentine date separately or more accurately, me with another man, but drastic times call for drastic measures and if someone had to carry the burden of going alone, I would sacrifice myself. In the end, a girl from work was free to watch AB if we could bring her to her house. I would have brought AB to Seattle for this so it wasn't a problem.

The concert was everything I hoped it would be and more. I was so happy. We hadn't been on a date since the week we lost Elliot in October so we were past due. 

This is when the heavens opened and the angels rejoiced at Josh's arrival.

Michelle and Amy from work were also there. The blue lights in this photo were from the police car guarding Josh's tour bus. I'm not saying we actually did walk across the street to investigate, but the police must have heard our joshing around and taken us seriously. (See what I did there? JOSHing around? I'll l see myself out.)

currently, the year is Marching on edition

Eating: I consider myself to be a potato chip connoisseur. I keep a running list in my head of good brands and what to steer clear of. For a while, Panera changed their chips from the brown bag to another, subpar brand and I almost wrote to management about it, but they brought back the chips in the brown bag so they're back in my good graces. I was recently at TJMaxx and found a new brand- Deep River Snacks. Their chips are a tad salty but the thickness and crunch level are top-notch.

Another snack discovery is Bobo's oatmeal snack bites. Warmed up they're a good snack and taste a little like pie. Annabelle has turned down her nose at them but I like them. I got them in the TJMaxx snack section which is our poor-town version of Trader Joes.


Filling in: some gaps in education. Annabelle recently said something to me about "when cows lay eggs". I didn't know that was a gap in her knowledge! I thought she knew they didn't come from eggs! Later that day, we are walking across the parking lot and she said, ''Do you think it was a good idea for bombs to drop on Hiroshima and Gagasnaki?" We have two VERY different ends of the educational spectrum here.


Dreading: the family presentation we have to give at the homeschool group in a few weeks. I know it's coming up soon but I haven't checked the email for the exact date because once I know I won't be able to stop the countdown clock in my head. This morning my friend asked me if we had done it yet and said, "You say you went to visit your friend a few weeks ago but I thought you might have skipped out because it was your day." That does sound like something I'd do and may or may not be planning to do on our week. Annabelle told me, "Mom. I'll teach you how to give talks." How much can I pay her to do the whole presentation while I sit in the corner cowering from the secondhand embarrassment of our family being the center of attention?


Trying: a new allowance/job system. I strongly believe in not paying children to do everyday chores. I will never hand money to my child for making her bed or cleaning up after a meal. She needs to learn to be a productive member of the family and society. I don't want her growing up thinking she lives in a hotel or that she needs to be paid for hanging up her backpack. However, I will occasionally have Annabelle do a job, such as sweeping the garage or washing all the doorknobs in the house, that is beyond her normal chores and give her a few quarters. I want her to learn to manage money so I started a system I heard about on a podcast. Every day I write three chores/jobs she needs to complete that day. When all three are done, she checks the box for that day. If she does all three things every day for the week, she will get two dollars. If she completes all the jobs for every day of the month I will give her an extra two dollars. I told her some of it will be in quarters that she'll have one jar for saving some long term and another jar for tithing at church, but beyond that, she can save or spend the rest. It feels silly to pay for getting goggles out, but I'm hoping this will help her get in the habit of checking her list and learning she needs to be responsible if she wants to earn money. 

We're two days in and it's worked well so far. Come back next month to see if the momentum has stayed. 

Wondering: when someone will start paying me for all the chores I do around here.

Reading: so much. I had a bit of a reading dry spell but I'm back in the reading game. 

House Rules by Jodi Picoult. I've only read one of Jodi's books that didn't suck me in and this was no exception. I read it by the dying light from the fireplace like Laura Inglass of ye olden prairie days.

The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer.  I downloaded this on the ipad but since I seldom read books that aren't actual books I forgot about it for months. I'll never turn down a good WW2 book.

Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austen.  I'm only two chapters in so I haven't fully developed an opinion, but the title caught my attention at the library and the subject matter is not one I normally read. 

On the Bright Side by Melanie Shankle.  I've often spoken of how much I enjoy Big Mama and her blog so I won't wax poetic again, but I will say that I'm really enjoying this book. 

"These days, so many voices tell us what to do, what to think, and what kind of parent or friend or spouse to be that it's easy to feel overwhelmed and defeated. Somewhere in the midst of online arguments and crazy politics and the ups and downs of life, we've lost sight of the gifts that are all around us: kindness, love, mercy, and joy."

As someone who always tries to look on the bright side of life, I enjoy reading someone else's perspective on trying to do the same thing. She always makes me laugh and I'm a little offended she hasn't asked me be my friend or started texting me memes yet.

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty.  Michelle said to read this book months ago and I finally started it on Saturday. I don't know why I waited so long. Michelle seldom steers me wrong in books so I should have checked it out the day she told me about it. I'm slightly concerned about falling and hitting my head and not remembering my life, but other than that it's great.

Always giggling at: dad jokes. 

Not a dad joke but so accurate because it happens seventeen times a week at my house. I can almost see the cat rolling her eyes.