I'm sure they'll be glad to hear about my mad cough drop unwrapping skilz

We're sick AGAIN. I'd like to thank/blame Annabelle for bringing home germs from all the nurseries she's visited lately. The germs are a souvenir that never stops giving. 

Normally I don't have anything important going on during the week but of course this week was a busy one. I had a doctor appointment yesterday, a play date scheduled for this morning that I had to cancel and an interview tonight. 

I applied to volunteer for the Big Brother Big Sister program and naturally the interview falls on a day when my head is swollen, my nose is red from blowing it every five minutes and my voice sounds like a seal. Just the first impression I was hoping to make! Add to that my general dislike of a) meetings and 2) being in the spotlight and it's recipe a for an awkward hour and a half.

I heard about a woman who has extensively studied body language and how it affects our performance. One pose is called The Wonder Woman and another The Starfish. It tickled me yesterday when I thought about standing like a starfish in the middle of the waiting room before the interview. Today I feel like a disco starfish floating through air and pumped full of cough syrup and motrin. I'll be a great asset to the program.

Currently- the January edition

Whenever I have a) nothing to blog about or b) TOO MANY THINGS TO SAY I do a currently post.

Drinking: A shampoo cap of "ice coffee" made from bath water with a side of soap. I told her it needed more milk. She gets some favorite child points for knowing one of my favorite drinks.

Unintentionally: potty training. I didn't mean for it to happen but it sort of just did. Occasionally AB will tell me when she has a dirty diaper and I tell her the real key here is to tell me before she goes. I bought one of those little seats that goes on the real toilet on a whim a few months ago and every so often she asks to sit on it. The other day she was sitting on it stark naked and she asked me to scratch her back while she waited to poop. WHAT HAS MY LIFE BECOME? What happened to my dreams of being a social secretary for the First Lady?! Or being the First Lady myself?

Reading: For the Love and The Secret Keeper. They're both due today and I have a combined total of 336 pages left to read. 

Slightly disgruntled with: the library. We went to a new library this morning for our big Monday activity. Before we left I did extensive research on which books I wanted and even wrote down the call numbers so I wouldn't have to drag Sesame around on a wild goose chase. I'd swoop right in, grab the book off the shelf and off we'd go. It was a flawless plan. Except nothing went according to plan. I couldn't find any of my three books. I've never seen such a complex numbering system. None of the books were where they should have been and I checked three times. I didn't want to ask for help because I was too proud to admit I didn't understand the library. I'm fine asking for help to find one book, but three seemed like a little too much. At that point I'd just hand them my grocery list and ask them to do that shopping too. I briefly considered telling the librarian I just moved to this country and my country uses a different system but I cannot lie. Meanwhile, Annabelle was climbing on chairs and telling the whole library about her snowman book. "I gotta s'owman book, Mama! I sittin in the chay-ya, Mama." Since I never found my books I'll be stuck reading Winnie the Pooh from A to Zzzzz and All You Need for a Snowman for the next three weeks. 

Not understanding: why people in this state insist on eating vegetables for breakfast. Every week at MOPS there's a platter of vegetables with ranch dressing. I enjoy carrots and ranch but not at 10 o'clock in the morning. We went out for breakfast and the lady next to us was eating salad. I don't understand this place.

Getting worked up over: someone telling me I could "just pray nausea away" when pregnant. You'd better believe I did pray for healing when I was throwing up 5-7 times a day for months on end. I prayed every day and God said N-O. Don't tell me all I needed was a little more faith and I would have been healthy as a horse. That's about as infuriating as telling me to "just eat saltines" or "all you need to do is wear a seasickness bracelet" or "have you tried ginger?" or, possibly worst of all, "I threw up a couple times so I know how you feel." I'm getting VERY WORKED UP ABOUT THIS. 

Watching: Downton Abbey and The Bachelor. They are so different but they both bring me so much joy. 

Internally crying over: Annabelle's upcoming birthday. She'll be two. TWO. Do you understand how much this upsets me? Just last week she wasn't even six pounds and newborn clothes were too big for her. Now she's singing the alphabet and pointing to Texas on the map. At this rate she'll be making me a grandmother by next week. 

social week continues

Every time I come home to visit I have too many people I want to see and not enough time. This time has been no different. It's tough to be so popular.

Joanna came over on Wednesday night. We behaved in the ruckus manner we're known for by spending an hour at The Christmas Tree Shop. Can't hold us down! Joanna discussed the feelings and repercussions of her recent breakup and I had a debate over whether or not to buy sticks wrapped in lights for my mantle. Between the two of us it's pretty obvious who can have an intelligent theological discussion and who wants to decorate a room with sequins.

My uncle took my cousin and I to the shooting range. Despite the fact I have a concealed carry license I'm not a big fan of handling guns. I can do it but I don't love it. I don't like gun ranges either. I'm always afraid someone will go crazy and shot everyone in the building. Christopher says that's crazy and maybe it is, but it still makes me nervous. Thankfully no one else was there so I didn't worry for my life as much. We had to staple our target to a piece of cardboard and I couldn't get the stapler to work. What a great start. I almost decided I should't pick up a gun after I couldn't operate a standard piece of office equipment. I did a little better than I expected but I'm no expert marksman. The US Olympic shooting team won't be offering me a contract.

Today is Grandma's 88th birthday. All week long Sesame has been saying "Happy bir'day, Memere! Happy bir'day, Memere!" and singing happy birthday. She wanted to give Memere a black balloon but I couldn't find one (not that I looked very hard) so I bought a flowered one instead. She was very excited about the balloon until it was time to present it along with a painted gingerbread man box. She dropped the gifts and didn't say a word. I guess she's not a monkey who performs on demand. (Don't judge my after-Christmas gingerbread man. We painted so many boxes during moments of afternoon boredom we'll probably be giving them away in July.) Once Memere brought out the music boxes they were BFF's once again.

I've taken on the responsibility of making the cake for her party tomorrow. Nothing like the pressure of creating what I hope will be the best cake of the last 88 years! Fingers and toes crossed it doesn't fall off the plate when I carry it across the yard.

over the highway and through the tolls, to Grandmother's house we go

Last Thursday afternoon Sesame and I drove down to see my family. The first fifteen minutes of the trip went like this:
1:40- We stopped at Dunkin Donuts for our pre-trip fuel.
1:42- I bust out the snacks.
1:53- I already misread the gps and took a wrong turn. I had to turn around in the parking lot of Pharaoh's Adult Entertainment. The place was much busier than I would have expected for the early afternoon but what do I know? I've become a person who thinks going out after 7:30 on a weekend is late. Not to mention that I seldom visit adult entertain stores at any time of the day.
1:55- I got myself on the right road and waited for the light to turn green. When it did turn I pushed down the gas pedal, the engine made all sorts of noise and we didn't go anywhere. Somehow I put the car in the wrong gear without knowing it. I held up the whole intersection while I panicked.

Once we got on the road it was smooth sailing. The first 278 miles were bor to the ing but I listened to podcasts and AB slept like a rock. She is such a good little traveler. She barely made a peep the whole 7+ hours. She did request multiple singings of The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle and while I sometimes pride myself in having a half decent voice, I wouldn't have won any awards for my renditions. 

We could have made the trip in one day but because we didn't leave until the afternoon I decided we'd stop at a hotel for the night. I kept telling AB we'd swim at the hotel and she talked about it the whole drive. The pool was across the hall from our room and she's stick her face up against the window and lick the glass while asking to put her bathing suit on. After literally hours of anticipation, we didn't even stay in the pool for 10 minutes. She said it was too cold and she wanted to go back to the room and watch a show. Apart from the fact that it took us longer than 10 minutes to get ready for the pool, I was glad we didn't stay in long. Everyone is worried about their bathing suit body in the summer but I think the real season people should worry about squeezing on a bathing suit is the week after Christmas. I wasn't emotionally prepared for what I saw in the mirror.

Annabelle had a hard time falling asleep in her crib so I let her sleep in the bed with me. I really didn't want to share the bed but she wasn't buying how exciting it was to sleep in a "special crib". I put her way over on the other side of the bed so I could still have some space. Somehow the child who is approximately 32'' tall took up 3/4 of the king sized bed. She kept pushing her feet into my back until I was at the very edge of the bed. She woke me up in the morning with a headbutt in the ribs. Reason #574 I don't cosleep.

AB is having the best time. She loves all the attention and finding new things to get into. I love that we're both sleeping in separate beds. It's a win win situation.

may 2016 be the year of bacon

2016 has been pretty good so far.

In the last few days I spilt coffee on the couch, went to two Sprint stores which ranks right up there with Toys R Us as my least favorite store, and get nail polish remover in a cut, but overall it's been better than the last few days of 2015. No one's had a fever, we haven't been to the doctor yet and the hole in our ceiling is almost fixed. Things have started looking up.

It snowed over the weekend. Annabelle was so excited to try snow. She was less excited about wearing mittens.

She built a snowman then promptly ate him too.

*

I've spent some time thinking over my resolutions for the new year. I'm keeping it really simple and hopefully achievable:

+ eat more chocolate
+ take more naps
+ keep the fish alive
+ 

there's a reason people don't like Mondays

On Saturday Annabelle woke up with cough and a runny nose. She had a coughing fit every 45 minutes that night. She was so tired she couldn't even get the pacifier in her mouth without help.

On Sunday she had a fever and I felt like I was simultaneously coming down with ear infections and strep throat. My voice sounded like a cross between a frog and a boy whose voice is changing. No need to point out how attractive that is.

On Monday Sesame's fever kept going up and she sounded like a seal when she coughed. I almost didn't want to call the doctor only to be told she had a cold (I always think I'll be called the hypochondriac mom), but I'm so glad I brought her in. She has an ear infection in one ear, swelling in the other and RSV. Yesterday was HARD. She was so miserable all day. She'd take a break from coughing to cry and pull at her ears. We watched more tv than she's watched in the last three months. She didn't want to do anything but moan and cry. My head felt like it was about to explode.

To top it all off, our landlord and his father spent the entire day at our house making a hole in the kitchen ceiling. 

On Saturday Christopher's father noticed the ceiling above the kitchen table was leaking. We (meaning him, I did nothing) turned off the water to the bathroom above the kitchen. Jim Jr. and Jim Sr. arrived on Monday morning and declared that they would need to take the ceiling down to find the source of the leak. What fun! The Jim's are such nice people and they know much more about home maintenance than I do, but it didn't inspire a lot of confidence when they said they only know how to take ceilings down, not how to put up a new one. Or when they lost the saw they were using to make the holes. They lost it for a good five hours and finally figured out they had vacuumed it up. We came back from the doctor to find the hole bigger than ever, the upstairs toilet hanging out in the hallway, and half the kitchen furniture in the living room. It wasn't the most peaceful day.

I got the following text from Jim Jr today. "The guy that's doing the drywall said I need to remove more. We'll be by tomorrow.'' The fun never ends! I have a feeling I won't have any ceiling left by tomorrow night. 

Send chocolate. Or martinis. Or both. 

Happy Christmas!

In keeping with my personal holiday tradition, I'm posting about Christmas while everyone else is gearing up to celebrate New Year's and choosing their word of the year. (I don't choose a word of the year but if I did it would be sleep.)

Much to my relief, both trees made it through the holidays without crashing to the ground. 

We forgot to trim the top of the deer tree. Too late now.

On Christmas Eve we put on our finest clothes and went to church. Annabelle couldn't believe we were going to "sing Happy Christmas songs about Jesus" in the middle of the week. 

I know I keep saying it over and over, but she's getting so big. I almost cried when I looked at these pictures because she's grown so much since last Christmas. It's a real shame she has no personality.

During the solemn playing of Silent Night, an alarm went off on my phone reminding us to put the trash out by the street. I wish I learned that the phone being on vibrate doesn't apply to alarms anywhere but in the middle of a church service. I was thinking, "How rude of someone to not put their phone on vibrate" when I saw my purse glowing. 

Annabelle wrapped and labeled Christopher's gift. She's practicing her illegible autograph for when she's famous. All three times we've been to the garden center she's pointed at a little stone owl and said, "Daddy! Daddy! For Daddy!" He's now the proud owner of a garden decoration for the garden he doesn't have.

Oma and Opa came up from Texas to spend the weekend with us. They win the award for most popular gifts of the year. Not only did they give Sesame a cash register, they gave her a shopping cart and groceries. It was all my childhood dreams come true. I hope my other childhood dream comes true next Christmas and I she gets a puppy.

Currently- The Christmas Edition

Listening to: Josh Groban's Christmas album. Have I mentioned I love Josh Groban? I DO.

Cooking and baking: Chicken soup, oreo balls, fudge and peanut butter pie. Long live dessert.

No longer loving: my Christmas tree. It's probably unChristmas to say that but it's true. I swear the trees in the living room are getting bigger and taking up more room every day. The branches are flimsy and the ornaments are constantly sliding off. They're shedding like a dog. Saddest of all, neither tree smells like a pine tree. I have to burn my pine tree candle to make the house smell like a Christmas tree.

Watching: Cheesy Hallmark movies.

Loving: My tiny poinsettia plant 

Sewing: Christmas pajamas for AB. Hello, last minute. Nice to see you again.

Playing on repeat: This Adele parody. French fries forever.

At my wits end about: Annabelle's nightly sleeping habits. She went from being asleep by 8 at the latest to still being awake at 10:30-11 every night. I can't even talk about it or I might cry. Send large amounts of ice coffee.

Decorating: A gingerbread nativity. I can't tell you how holy I felt decorating a nativity instead of a gingerbread house. 

Sleeping: Not enough.

Is it the weekend yet?

This morning I went downtown to pick up a gift card. I had never been in that part of the city before and I turned around no less than four times in an attempt to park on the street in front of the correct building. When I finally got a spot I was proud of myself for a stellar parallel parking job. (They make such a big deal of parallel parking in drivers ed you'd think it's a daily activity.) Then I noticed I was in a handicap spot. A good citizen would have moved. Apparently my good citizen days are behind me. I backed up just enough to give myself wiggle room (literally and figuratively) in case I was ticketed for my infraction and needed to defend myself. 

This afternoon I finally decorated the dining room for Christmas. I should have done it four weeks ago but I've been too busy pining table decor ideas. I almost had a panic attack/OCD meltdown when I was wrapping lights around greenery and the green of the light wires didn't match the greenery. I stopped short of spray painting the wires to make them match. 

Tonight I knocked over a cheese display at the grocery store.

One of my favorite things about this town is the gas station chain where I can vacuum my car for free. The vacuums at the gas station I normally go to were closed so I went to the one up the road. I tried driving around the building thinking the vacuums were in the back but they weren't. I pulled into a parking spot to back up and leave but I couldn't because I would have been headed straight into three one-way lanes all going the opposite of the direction I needed to go. I didn't know what to do so I sat in the car and ate the entire box of crackers I had just bought at the grocery store. Had I been there much longer I would have cracked open the lunch meat and cheese I got. After twenty minutes I decided to make a break for it. I waited until no cars were coming then backed outta there like the speed demon/rule breaker that I never am. 

Next door to the aforementioned downtown store is a pasta and cupcake store. We went in for a quick look around and Annabelle was infatuated with the cupcakes in the display. She couldn't get over them. She especially like the chocolate one with mint green frosting. Unlike some people in this house, I don't buy her everything she likes and wants. She's only just starting to understand that items at the store can be bought and I make a big deal out of only looking and not bringing everything home.

However. 

When she folded her hands under her chin, swayed back and forth in her little gold and white skirt and said, "You gonna buy a cupcake, Mama?" I caved. 

Her cute face deserves all the cupcakes.

Parade of Christmas Clothes, 2015

The week Annabelle was born, a girl from church came over to visit. She followed me into the bedroom to change the baby's diaper and asked me what my favorite part was of having a girl. I didn't answer that it was the chance to bring up Prince George's future wife or, a church answer at its best, the opportunity to raise a girl for the Lord. I said it was dressing her up. 

That was my answer and I've stuck to it.

And so I present my second annual Parade of Christmas Clothes.

She's smiling because I said either a) we were going to the pet store b) we were going to story time or c) I'd give her a snack if she stood still and smiled. I'm going with C.

She wore her darling smocked stocking dress to see Santa.

It's the same exact dress and bow she wore on her first Christmas. She was so tiny, toothless and bald! I still can't get over how cute she was.

Christmas jammies for the win! I want them in my size.

I told her the ornaments on her romper are called baubles. Besides it being adorable to hear her say, it sounds more British. I hear Prince George calls them baubles and you know what they say- as do the royals, so do S and AB.

Of course it's smocked. Would you expect anything less?

she's not much of a Santa baby

I started the week off feeling festive and in the best Christmas mood. I played Christmas carols all morning and made AB a felt tree to decorate. I wrapped gifts and watched a Hallmark movie.

Then Thursday rolled around. I spent all day trying to get my nativity characters to stand up instead of falling onto each other and Jesus. I was so fed up with my tree being crooked that I tried to fix it and the whole thing went crashing down. It was like a slow-motion scene in a movie. I saw it falling and my arm went out to stop it three seconds too late.

"Oh dear. Oh dear. What a mess, mama. Oh dear."

What's that they say about Christmas being all calm, merry and bright?

Saturday we went to a Christmas cottage to see Santa. Annabelle wasn't feeling her best but the celebration must go on. We waited in line for about twenty minutes while I talked up the cottage and how fun it would be. We could almost taste Annabelle's excitement.

The cottage was beautiful. It was about the size of a postage stamp and decorated from top to bottom with snowmen, reindeer, a mantle and stockings, a tree and a train chugging around a track attached to the top of the wall. Unfortunately I didn't get to take it in as much as I wished because AB, who kept telling us she was going to see "San-ta Caus", got petrified the second we walked in the cottage and wouldn't let go of me. 

I find this picture much more entertaining that I should. Poor Belle Belle is saying, "I DOE YIKE IT! I DOE YIKE IT!" Santa is looking at us like he doesn't get paid enough for this (it was a free event so he didn't get money from me) and I'm all "This is so fun, AB! Look at his beard! Look at his pretty suit! Smile for the picture!"

(Speaking of his beard, in an attempt to get her to stop crying I almost pulled Santa's beard. I was this close to reaching out and pulling at it. I don't know what came over me. Noticing that he had glittery eyeliner on to make his eyes sparkle startled me into good behavior.)

It may not have been as picture perfect an event as last year but it was memorable. 

there's no room for us in our tree filled house

Last weekend we set up our Christmas trees.

Sesame and I scoped out the trees at the garden store Friday morning then we all went back to pick one out in the evening. We set up our plaid and deer themed tree first. As we were putting it together I kept thinking how beautiful Christmas lights are and wondering why we don't have them up all year long.

Twelve minutes later I was fighting with a clump of half broken lights on our fake tree and declaring that I can't stand Christmas lights. How quickly my tune changed. It would be stating the obvious to point out that we had a major tree malfunction.

We couldn't find the fake tree stand and the tree itself was falling apart so we threw it out and got a second real tree for the rest of our ornaments. I love Christmas trees and I love our tradition of having multiple trees, but this year it hasn't turned out so well. In our last house we had an upstairs and a downstairs living room so we put a tree in each and it worked out perfectly. We only have one living room in this house so we have a trees in opposite corners of the room. We have two trees, two couches, two bookcases, a tv stand and various toys all in the living room. And the living room is far from large. In other words, there's almost no room for us in our own house. It's like walking into a furniture filled forest. I'm seriously considering moving a tree to another room because there's nothing relaxing about all these huge trees. Is it weird to have a large tree in a bathroom? I'm asking for a friend.

Opa sent us a bunch of Christmas cookies and AB took the basket they came in and made it a bed for Baby Belle. She keeps holding the bed up to the tree so her baby can see. 

Try not to slip on the puddle my heart made on the floor.

a little bitty tree for a little bitty girl

Last night we set up the first of our Christmas trees. It has exactly twice the number of decorations as last year. 

We put it up in Sesame's room. I was all this is so! fun! Best! day! ever! and she fluctuated between excitement and uncertainty. She loves Christmas trees but like most children in a first world country, she's not used to having trees in her room.

We had planned to pick out our tree tonight but it's raining so we rescheduled. Every year we have a theme for our fake tree and this year is plaid and deer. I found the deer ornaments at Lowe's today and let me tell you, I have never been so excited in a home improvement store. They're perfect.

Our larger than life Jesus has made his yearly appearance. Obviously I remember from previous Christmases that's he's huge but every year it cracks me up and I have to take a picture. I have at least three identical pictures. It's become a Christmas tradition.

Jesus: "I have arrived."
Mary: "No wonder my back was killing me."
Joseph: "I don't know how to handle kids. I'll just stand in the background with the light."

from here on out it will be Christmas all day, every day

Despite my best efforts, I've turned into a once a week blogger. I blame my poorly paying, time-sucking little boss.

Ya talkin 'bout me?

Throughout the month we wrote things we're thankful for on little paper leaves. I hung them on branches I collected in the backyard and made a Thankful Tree. When we asked Sesame what she likes that God gave her, she said "Pasta. Tennessee and Texas. Pasta and sauce. Pasta." Such a good little Italian. 

For the third year in a row we hosted Thanksgiving at our house. Elizabeth came up to visit two weeks prior to Thanksgiving and Dad, Mom and Aaron came up the day before. We cleaned bathrooms, planned menus and sorted out cooking times. I scheduled us to eat at 3 but around 2:15 I noticed someone had turned the oven off. It was barely even warm inside. Cue the despair. I almost ordered pizza. SEVEN HOURS after I put it in the oven the turkey was finally finished. 

I took advantage of the 500 hours it took the turkey to cook for a mini photo shot. I bought this 12 months dress in the summer and crossed all my fingers and toes it would fit. I was prepared to squish her in like a sausage but it fit perfectly.

*

Elizabeth always says she only comes to visit so she'll make an appearance on the blog. Here I was thinking it was because she loves and adores me so. She recently got her permit and begged me to let her drive my car. She mostly did a good job, but I did grab onto the door handle a time or twelve. I got SO irritated when Mom would do that when I was learning to drive yet there I was doing the same thing. She did well except for the time when I had to say, "Let's have a little less dancing and a little more driving." She said she was trying to imitate my driving. I can't be held responsible for what I do when All About that Bass comes on the radio.

We visited a Christmas decor store this afternoon. When we got home I went through some of my Christmas boxes and pulled out some of the 19 snowmen statues we were given last year. I found a gingerbread recipe and my gingerbread cookie cutter. I think I'll light my fir tree candle. It's beginning to look like the most wonderful time of the year. 

stayed tuned for my review of the new Star Wars movie

Last night, in a GREAT ACT of love and dedication to my marriage, I went with Christopher to see the new James Bond movie. This is the third year in a row we've gone to see a JB movie in the theater so I've learned how to make the movie viewing experience pleasant for both of us. Namely, I read the plot on wikipedia beforehand and set my expectations for enjoying/understanding the movie VERY LOW. I saw the two hours twenty-eight minutes in a dark theater as the perfect opportunity to catch up on some sleep.

I have previously gone into great detail about my feelings (ie. confusion, annoyance, major eye rolling etc etc etc) about this series so I won't hash them out again, so it came as a huge surprise that this movie slightly surpassed my (again, very low) expectations. I won't be requesting to watch it again for another thirteen years, but I didn't get so bored I started counting popcorn kernels. That's just the rave review the director was hoping to get!

Naturally I have some things to say about the film:

+ It was as unrealistic as ever. James flew an airplane with both wings broken through the woods, crashed through a building, landed in a snowbank and walked out as if nothing had even happened. He didn't have a button loose or so much as a single hair out of place. Two days ago I walked the 25 feet between my car and the front door and it was so windy I literally couldn't see, I had so much hair in my face. My shirt blew up and my stomach was hanging out. And yet there are no wardrobe malfunctions when your plane is on fire?

+ Speaking of his wardrobe, JB has an exceptional tailor. His shirts never wrinkle. His clothes fit impeccably and somehow they never rip. You'd think wearing such tight pants would be an issue when running across a roof and jumping over a chimney but apparently not. I'm sure I'd have rips everywhere. Maybe he wears the suit version of jeggings? Suitings?

+ He's slept with approximately 47 women. How is he not a father yet? How is he still healthy?

+ Jimmy B is obviously getting old but he can still run like nobody's business. The last time I ran was when the mail I was putting in the mailbox blew out of my hand and I had to chase it down the road. Running is overrated. Blogging >jogging.

+ Finally, Mr. Bond is not the most expressive of men. I made a chart to help you understand his emotions.

I hope that clears things up.

in which Annabelle becomes a book reviewer

My mom was sent a book in the mail and I took it upon myself to test it out. 

The front says it's called Daddy Flies but I call it Daddy Sooooaaaas (Soars). Yesterday we read it three times in a row. The dad goes to work just like my dad does! What a coincidence.  

My favorite picture is the one of the little boy playing with the toilet paper. I can relate on a very deep level.

I spend a lot of time looking at the picture of the author's family on the back of the book. It boggles my mind that the book is about a little girl AND THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL ON THE BACK. Was that planned? 

I read somewhere in the range of 57 books a day so I know what I'm talking about when I say this is a good book. The pictures are, in the words of the one who birthed me, delightful. My only complaint is the little boy doesn't have a name. I gave him one that sounds something like Ruuufinins. I think it's perfect. 

Gotta go unroll some toilet paper. 

Daddy Flies, Brye Butler Steeves

I will not be naming any fish after Bill Clinton

I'm pleased to say Christopher's birthday party went off without a hitch. Sure, we started eating 14 minutes late but compared to other years it was nearly flawless. I tried two new recipes which both turned out well and Annabelle behaved perfectly. Last year on his birthday I dressed Sesame up in a party hat and dress and stuck her in the swing while I made fried shrimp. Naturally Christopher got delayed at work and by the time he got home AB was falling apart and the shrimp was soggy. We make our party plans but the Army dictates if they actually happen. Two years ago I was pregnant and trying not to throw up. All in all this year was much more enjoyable. I ended up ordering him his favorite German sausage as a gift. Giving meat really felt like a low point in my gift-giving career, but I had literally zero other options.

I honestly can't remember what we did on Saturday. I remember that Christopher won the sleep-in lottery so I got up with Annabelle but that's nothing new. I do remember we had the following conversation when discussing the royals:
C: Is she (Kate) still pregnant?
Me: She had the baby in May. YOU DON'T REMEBER?!?!?!
C: No. What was it?
Me: A girl! We wore our tiaras and celebrated!

I guess our celebration wasn't memorable enough. We'll have to kick it up a notch for the next royal baby. Tea and crumpets for everyone.

Sunday was a memorable day. We added a new member to the family. Meet Millard T. Fillmore, esteemed Admiral in the Fish Fleet.

I've wanted a fish for a while and now that we don't have plans to move for the next few years it seemed like a good time. It was not my intention to name him after a president. I picked out the name Fillmore but couldn't decide on a first name. I considered Frederick, Richard and Norman but none were right. The merry go round to pick his perfect first name was similar to the merry go round we went on while picking Annabelle's name. Her name was decided last minute as I was being rolled off to the operating room. (I most graciously allowed Christopher his chosen name which has given me naming rights to any and all future children.) Admiral Fillmore's name was finalized in the pet store parking lot. If Millard Fillmore was a good enough name for a president, it's a good enough name for a fish.  

I have a long history of giving my pets lengthy names. When I was young I had a rabbit named Lance Corporal Brigadier General Bomber, or LCBG Bomber for short. I made up an elaborate story about how he was a decorated war hero from the Bunny Corps. When he died, my siblings 

grudgingly willingly attended his military funeral complete with American flags. It was very dramatic. 

Because I love a good comparison, here are Fillmore the man and Fillmore the (grumpy) fish. They do bear a slight resemblance in the hair/fin areas. 

Wednesday thoughts

+ Last night I was so worked up about something I saw on facebook that I couldn't sleep for ages. When I finally fell asleep I dreamt I was wearing hearing aids that looked like contact lenses. I popped them in and one could tell I was wearing them. I'd recording this now in the event contact hearing aids become a thing in the future. You heard about them here first. Twelve years ago I invented Skype but didn't patent it. Lets just say I'd be a lot richer if I had.

+ I made myself wait until November to buy AB any Christmas pajamas. It's no exaggeration that I believe she needs one pair for each night in December. I LOVE Christmas clothes. The more wintery and Christmasy the better. When I went to Target last week to buy diapers I almost passed out from all the Christmas jammie options. I wanted to buy them all then go home and drink hot chocolate by the fire.

+ Speaking of Target, I think I'm the only white girl in America who doesn't love that store. On a scale of one to ten I'm very meh about it. I hear that people like shopping while drinking the PSL they bought from the in-store Starbucks but that doesn't work for me. I can't shop and drink at the same time. The drink is sure to spill on whatever is in the cart. When I go to clean it up I'm sure to knock over a rack of hats. What if there's no place to put the drink when I need two hands to look at something? There are too many ways for things to end up terribly.

+ I'd like to make a small adjustment to the calendar. Can the powers that be please switch Thanksgiving to the beginning of October? I understand that it's an important holiday, but it really gets in the way of my Christmas decorating. I can't make myself decorate with reindeer and candles until after Thanksgiving but that only gives me a month to enjoy it. I want all the time I can get to soak up the Christmas lights and decorate trees. I want to hang our stockings and decorate the mantle with little houses. I need time to carefully craft paper snowflakes. If the government can dictate what time we set our clocks surely they can do something about this Thanksgiving situation.

+ Tomorrow is Christopher's birthday. I am all about a birthday. I love a good theme and fancy straws that match the table décor. The more festive the better. Christopher is not into birthdays. He'd be perfectly fine with a nice dinner and nothing more. I brought up having a Minnie Mouse theme because I know AB would love it, but he said no self respecting 33 year old man wants a Minnie party. Having previously said he doesn't care if there's a theme I think he lost the privilege of vetoing my ideas. Yesterday Sesame and I went to the dollar store for balloons. It should come as no surprise that they are for the benefit of the ladies in the family. Tomorrow we'll decorate a banner. It will be a very classy banner made from construction paper with an assortment of animal and Sophia the First stickers. It will be perfect for a manly man. This is the first birthday Annabelle will be aware of and I want her to learn how fun they can be. I'll probably break out the fancy straw so she can get the full experience.

I have THE HARDEST time finding gifts for him. He's so difficult to shop for. It was hard enough finding birthday and Christmas gifts but now I need to add Father's Day gifts to the mix and it's a million times harder. He had mentioned that he wanted a Texas flag to hang in the basement with his confederate and early American flags. Annabelle volunteered pennies from her turtle bank for the purchase. Last week I noticed all the flags were off the wall and when I asked why, he said they "looked silly". I'm not returning the Texas flag so tomorrow night he'll be getting more silly in a gift bag. 

+ I introduced Christopher to Dubsmash. There's no more festive way to ring in his year age than lip syncing songs from the by gone days of his youth.

the little honeybee



Last Halloween I really hit it out of the park. I peaked on my first year.



This year I went back and forth about dressing her up since I don't even like Halloween, but I'm a sucker for a baby in a costume. She was going to be a basket of flowers but I lacked both motivation and time to pull it together. She's so into Winnie the Pooh right now and we already had the tutu from her birthday so I slapped on some tights intended for a seven year old and called her a honey bee. She was obviously very enthusiastic. 

I love the way she's holding her hands. She can be so proper at times. Other times she gets ketchup behind her ears.



We have a clump of trees behind our house that we call the Hundred Acre Wood (Pooh's home). Almost every day we go out into the woods and look for Tigger, Piglet and the others. I brought her Pooh Bear out and she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She really believed that Pooh somehow made it from the tv to her backyard.

Just a girl carrying her bear through the woods.

(Let us have a moment of jubilation over that fact that she has enough hair to clip a bow into.)