new name, same great product

I've had this blog for 11 years. I had no reasoning or story behind the name and assumed I would change it in a few months when I thought of a better one. It is now 136 months later and I'm finally changing it. 

I tried for months to come up with a good name. Wish I was First Lady and Stop Asking What's for Supper did not get good reviews when I ran them past my opinion commity. I settled on this name because I do always try to look on the bright side of life. It can be hard to find the bright side some situations. For example, there is absolutely no bright side to that fact that this morning a frog jumped from somewhere in my car and landed on the door next to me. I'm shocked I didn't cause an accident. I rolled down the window and slapped the frog out with a cd case, gagging the entire time. Christopher is always saying cds are out of style and useless but in this case, a cd literally saved our lives. I didn't open my mouth for the entire rest of the drive because I was too worried there was an entire frog family hiding in my car and one would jump on my face. The car is now up for sale if anyone wants to take it off my hands.

All that to say, the good times, bad times, and traumatizing frog encounter times will all continue over here. 

Little Cabin In the Woods

 We recently went to north Georgia for a long weekend.

During our year planning meeting at the beginning of the year, we penciled in a late summer mountain trip. Then You Know What happened and I didn’t think it would happen. Daniel, Erika, Ivy and Aaron’s girlfriend couldn’t come because of work and school and having to quarantine upon arriving back at home. The week the trip was scheduled, the state quarantine restrictions lifted. By the time they went home, some restrictions were back in place. You never know what exciting new development will come down the path next. Mom, the twins, Willie (our brother from another mother), and his fiance Anna were able to come.

I spent hours on Airbnb looking for the perfect place. The number of people who could come kept changing and I reserved and canceled two places before settling on the cabin. One place didn't tell me until after I made the reservation that the electricity frequently goes out so someone needs to find the breaker box in the basement to fix it. No thank you. I have enough issues with my own breaker box without dealing with someone else's on vacation. I settled on a cabin in the woods and it was darling. There was enough room for everyone to have their own space and a creek outback. It set at the top of a very windy and steep road we didn't know about until we got there. It took 30 minutes to get from the cabin to the main road. Half of our group go carsick going up and down which was a prime opportunity for me to dig through the traveling pharmacy I carry in my purse. You got a bonine! You get a chewable Dramamine! You get a regular Dramamine! You got a zofran!

Annabelle was in heaven. She played in the creek and collected rocks. She spent hours outside and had dessert every day. She and Elizabeth made rafts with twigs and leaves to sail down the river.

Fifteen minutes after we left home, she realized she hadn't brought her Memere blankie. She's slept with it every day since she was born and brings it on every trip. I asked if she wanted me to go back for it and she said no, she'd ok without. It broke my heart a little bit that she wasn't crying for it like she would have when she was younger. On the last two nights of the trip, she cried because our trip was going to end and we might never get to go back. She said she wished she had Memere blankie to comfort her.

We went tubing down the Chattahoochee River and hiked to a waterfall. We went to a swinging bridge and played in the water. The water was calm so I let AB swim near the middle. She swam just fine the first time, but the second time she panicked a little and started to float downstream. I didn't realize at first she was struggling so I told her she'd be ok if she did what her swimming teacher taught her to do. Christopher had to charge in and rescue her. And with that, my hopes of winning Mother of the Year 2020 floated away.

The highlight of the trip, and possibly my entire year, was this old phone in the cabin.

IT MADE ME SO HAPPY. I have wanted this exact phone for years. Christopher refuses to get me one since we have cell phones and don't need to pay for another phone blahblahboringadult. AB and I made endless pretend phone calls using the rotary dial. We tried to call my phone but it didn't work so I assumed it was just for show. I cannot explain my delight and joy when we were eating supper and THE PHONE RANG. I thought it was the regular house phone but it was the old fashioned one. I could not have charged across the kitchen faster if I was being chased by a sworm of anger murder hornets. I answered the phone in such a fit of giggles I could barely get out the word "hello." I forgot I had to hold up the mouthpiece and kept letting go. Everyone else was laughing which made me laugh even harder. The laughter stopped quickly when the man on the other end said he was calling from the police department. In that split second, I went through any actions in my life that might have warranted the police calling me on vacation. The policeman said, as he was sure I was aware, the force is struggling right now and would I be open to making a one-time donation. I explained we were at a rental property but I'm sure the owners are supportive of the police. I forgot to hold of the mouthpiece so he heard nothing and I had to repeat it. I ended the call with "Good luck on your campaign" like he was running for president. It was embarrassing but nothing could bring me down from that high. I know it's a silly thing but it really was a lifelong dream to have a conversation on that phone.

Forget about the latest and greatest in the tech world. I know what kind of phone I want for Christmas.

it's been a paparazzi free week

I had the best of intentions to blog at the end of last week, but two dramatic events happened within one hour and I needed time to recover.

First, Annabelle found a frog stuck between the storm door and the screen in our back door. Lest you forgot, I DETEST FROGS WITH ALL MY BEING. I was hoping it would be gone when I got back from school drop off but it was not. I tried slamming the door to knock it off but all that happened was the frog moved its sticky, slimy leg and I nearly gagged. Finally, it jumped off and I screamed. It didn't come towards me but I screamed anyway. 

Second, I had an unfortunate doctor's appointment. I've seen that doctor several times and I have all but given up on trying to uphold many modesty issues when it comes to his role in my life. I knew the ultrasound tech would also be in the room but plot twist! He asked if it would be ok if his new assistant Bethany watched as well. She had never seen it done and needed it for her resume. Ideally, the fewer people seeing me in a compromised position the better but at that point, there were already two people so what's a third. Make some popcorn and bring in the whole office. I had a similar procedure done before and it's not an exaggeration to say it was HORRIBLE. Google told me the recent procedure would be less painful and the ultrasound lady and doctor both agreed. They were both wrong. It was also HORRIFIC. Bethany kept looking down at the situation then patting my arm and saying, "Try to relax." I appreciate her sympathy, but she wouldn't be saying that if she knew first hand the trauma of what was happening. The doctor nonchalantly asked about my summer in an effort to distract me. I love the doctor and am happy to talk to him any time, but I was not in the mood for a casual conversation. When it finally ended, I sat up and thought I was going to either throw up or pass out so I had to lay back down with a wet facecloth on my neck. I drove over to Dunkin Donuts and ordered three powdered munchkins to reward myself for surviving the morning. They misunderstood my order and gave me three full doughnuts instead of munchkins. It was proof that the Lord still shines upon me.

All that to say, I haven't had of the right frame of mind (or lower body) to blawg. But I'm back now with absolutely nothing of significance to say!

Annabelle went to a sign class at work with me. Usually she can't do the classes as they're almost all for16 and older, but every so often there's one kids can attend. She made a sign we're giving to her teacher for Christmas which makes me feel very prepared for the holidays. Bonus points that the sign was free thanks to my employee discount. Ses told me, "Mom, you can stand over there while I do it all. You don't need to help." Far be it from me, the personally literally paid to do the job, to give advice.

Yesterday we made our weekly pandemic trip to Home Depot. AB walked around with sunglasses on like she expected the paparazzi would chase her down in the pipe aisle.

The paparazzi did NOT chase me down when I slunk out of the doctor's office. 

six short stories

We were having a conversation about whether we'd prefer to work for the CIA or FBI. I made a statement about how I've been watching a show about Quantico so I know all about how the CIA works. Christopher said, "Isn't Quantico the FBI?" Ok, so maybe I don't know EVERYTHING about how it works, including but not limited to the name and which bureau the entire show is about.

*

Me: I won't be a weird cat person.
Also me: I can't come to help you right now because my hand is supporting Lucy's head while she naps.

*

Sesame has been to see the school nurse twice since school started complaining of a sore throat. She gets a sore throat from allergies so I assumed it was either that or she wanted the thrill of going to the nurse's office. On Friday she woke up with a sore throat again and I had a suspicion it could be related to her wanting to stay home. I took her to the doctor 25% because I thought she had something and 75% to prove that she was fine. Lo and behold she is on the tail-end of strep and has a swollen lymph node. Who made me the mother around here? 

*

I won't name names, but someone around here has been failing Personal Space 101 class.

Lucy does not approve of such shenanigans.

*

Every morning on the way to school I sing It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. I started this tradition when she was in preschool and I was happy to resurrect it for the first grade drive. I change the words to match the weather but it's always a stunningly beautiful rendition. I forgot to sing it one morning so I sang it on the way home then turned on country radio and started singing along with Darius Rucker. My darling child, who appreciates everything I do, piped up from the backseat, "Can you switch to some music from the 80s instead?" That's not the five-star review I was hoping to receive. I'll have to add some new tunes to my repertoire. 

*

AB spent many afternoons watching Elana of Avalor. By virtue of living in the same house, I have spent many afternoons hearing the show in the background and have become too invested in her story. I've asked countless times when she would be coronated but AB had no answer beyond "she's too young and can you please get me a snack." I was embarrassingly excited to see that her coronation episode has finally been released. You know who has no desire to see the coronation episode? My child. You know who wants to watch it? Me. I probably won't watch it on my own, but 2020 has been an odd year so who knows.

first school report

Annabelle's first week of school was a little rocky.

She got in the car on the first day very disappointed. "We didn't get to play or interact. All we did was talk about all the rules and I can't remember all the rules and we didn't do anything fun because we only talked about rules and I've never heard so many rules in my life." I don't know why she talks in  run-on sentences because it's certainly not from me because I am always succinct and precise and do not blabber on. She didn't cry when I dropped her off, but she'd cry a few times during the day. Every single morning she says she doesn't want to go but she doesn't make a fuss about it. She says it more in a ''just so you know where I stand on this, I wouldn't be upset if YOU want to go back to sleep and I skip school today" kind of way. She expected there to be more playing like she did at preschool and it never occurred to me to clarify that ahead of time. I think once she adjusts she'll really enjoy it. She told me on Thursday that she played with a girl named either Delilah or Alana, she couldn't remember which. On Friday she confirmed that it was Delilah and they played together again. Having a friend has made this week a little easier.

I've had to learn how to operate the carline. The drop off line goes so much more smoothly than pickup. Even with each car stopping so they can take the child's temperature, things move along and everyone is friendly. By three o'clock these people are driving like they're trying to be on the last helicopter out of Vietnam. It's much more aggressive. I have to leave the house an hour early to get a good spot in the pickup line so I bring a snack and book to entertain myself. There are unspoken rules that everyone but me seems to know about merging and signaling and I broke all the rules the first few days. My go-to reaction if I don't know what to do while driving is slump down in the seat and make myself as small as possible.

I'm proud that AB does a good job of reporting the classroom gossip happenings. She's terrified of being corrected by the teacher but gives me a report each day on everyone else's behavior. "Nolan K had his clip moved to yellow but I didn't. I'm serious, Mom. I didn't. But Payton didn't listen and had to do laps during recess." It's become clear who the class troublemakers are.

Speaking of driving, I took advantage of my precious alone time hours to visit the DMV. I made an appointment online but surprise, surprise they couldn't find me in the system. The lady asked if I was sure I already had a Georgia license. There are few things I am sure about these days but knowing which state my license is in is one of them. My most recent Massachusetts license photo was spectacular. I seldom compliment photos of myself but that one was a real winner. Not to toot my own horn, but TSA people would comment on how good it was. My first Georgia license picture wasn't great but it wasn't the worst. This trip would be my chance to redeem myself and recreate the Massachusetts glory. Last time I was there the photos were taken in a little room off to the side. This time I had to do it in front of the entire waiting room. There was no privacy and it felt like everyone was watching. It was very awkward. I was barely in position before the lady took the picture with no warning. I had no time to suck in all my multiple chins and look presentable. She printed out the paper copy without showing me the picture and said "This will be your license photo until 2026." 

Allow me to show you the picture I am stuck with for the next six years.

It is mortifying. I will be going into hiding as soon as I publish this. No one will ever be able to see that picture.  

ABC's of 2020

One of my favorite children's books is My Friend Harry by Kim Lewis. The little boy named James gets a new stuffed elephant he names Harry. They go everywhere together and slowly Harry gets worn and well-loved. On James' first day of school, Harry sat in his car seat all day waiting for him to come home. On Friday, Annabelle's worn and well-loved Hermione doll that has been glued to her hand for months sat in her car seat for hours while AB had her first day of school.

I don't know how we got to this point in our lives that Annabelle is old enough to be in first grade. She was only born fifteen seconds ago! Here she is exactly six years ago this week, all soft and squishy and tiny. She was the cutest baby that ever lived. She holds onto Hermione the way she held onto Mr. Lion for years.

I liked homeschooling last year and loved all the time we spent together. Correction: I loved most of the time we spent together. Sometimes it was TOO MUCH TOGETHERNESS ALL THE TIME. There are several reasons she's going to school this year and maybe someday we'll go back to homeschooling but time will tell. I'm trying not to plan much these days because we don't even know what stores will be open next week, let alone our educational plans for 2022. Going to school for the first time during a pandemic is not an ideal situation, but we decided that she'd still go giving the information we were being given. The many, many, many homeschool vs public school discussions Christopher and I had were very emotional and opinionated and usually left one of us in tears. Obviously, I mean Christopher was in tears. I am as stoic as Mount Rushmore. 

I've spent every single day of the last 6.5 years with Sesame and I feel like I've lost a limb when she's not here for hours on end. The first morning after we dropped her off I sat on the living room floor because I didn't know what to do with myself. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my alone time. It's so nice to pop in and out of stores with dealing with a car seat. I can go on long walks in the morning before the temperature hits 100*. I can decide at 10:35 to get my nails done and off I go. I need to make a plan for how I'll balance house work/errands/appointments and me time while she's gone. I assume the schools will be shut down in a matter of weeks and AB will be back home. I don't want her to come home and I regret not spending more time on my own things. My hope is that I can get my things done while she's at school so that when she comes home I can focus on spending quality time with her instead of saying "I can't right now because I have to __________" when she asks me to play.

I was very proud of myself for not stating many opinions when she was picking out a backpack. I tried to steer her towards the cuter ones but she's "not so into cute these days." She picked a galaxy backpack which is very fitting for her insterests right now. I picked out a dress that checked my cute box and her "patterned but not very patterned because I only want, like, a medium amount of pattern" box. I thought she might object to wearing a bow on the first day but she didn't. Praise the Lord. She loves art so I got this big bow with appliqued art pallet.

I also got us matching heart necklaces. The card them came on says "Here are two necklaces, one for you and one for me. We will wear them soon...when at school you'll be! Wear it to school while you work and play...you will have my heart all day." She hasn't taken hers off since Friday.

I sat in the back with her on the way to school for the first time. I didn't want her to be lonely back there; it had nothing to do with me wanting to be near her. All I could think about was when I sat in the back with her when she came home from the hospital. 

Don't think all I do around here while she's gone is lay around eating bonbons. Yesterday I washed Hermione's tiny clothes and washed out her matted hair. It was a full spa experience. There's always someone to keep clean around here.

water time extravaganza

This summer hasn't felt very summery. I like to spend the summer exploring parks, playing in splash pads and visiting with our friends. None of our splash pads are open and playdates have been few and far between. The YMCA's outdoor pool opened right before we went to MA which was very exciting. We went once and I wanted to go again before they inevitably close before the scheduled date. The first time we went they took our temperature at the front window. AB's was normal but mine registered around 95*. The girl shrugged her shoulders and said, "That's probably not right but at least you don't have a fever." I might be dying from an unknown infection and my body be seconds away from complete failure but I don't have the 'rona! Let's go for one last swim before I die. 

Annabelle starts school on Friday (I am already wearing my traditional mourning outfit) which will limit our days together, so yesterday I was determined that we'd have a good summer day. It would be Water Time Extravaganza. Extravaganza was a bit of a stretch but why use an ordinary word when you can use a word that really pops. We bathing suited up, slathered on the sunscreen, and rolled into the parking lot just after the Y pool opened. AB couldn't wait to swim. Alas, the internet had lied and they were closed. We made a new plan which involved powdered munchkins and making a water park in the backyard. I turned on music and added soap to make the slipnslide more slippery. We had a picnic and popsicles. It was the best time. 

 

I'm still mourning that she's going to school but I'm so glad we had one good day of summer fun. And I'm thankful that I don't appear to be in danger of major organs failing after all. 

PS. You can take the girl out of New England but you can't take New England out of the girl.

Currently, the how is it already August edition

Reading: Formation by Ryan Leigh Dostie and Shelter Mountain by Robyn Carr.
Onboard to read next are From the Corner of the Oval by Beck Dorey-Stein and The Fabulous Bouvier Sisters by Sam Kashner. I'm trying to branch out from my go-to topics of WW1, WW2 and presidents/First Ladies, but the library didn't have the five other books I wanted so I went to the old standbys. 

Laughing at: these portraits Annabelle drew of me. This one is fairly accurate. Messy bun. Big earrings. "Lots of eyelashes because I know you like eyelashes."

Believe it or not, the picture on the left is also me. She said it's me "reaching for the moon." I cannot look at it without laughing. It's so funny and she has no idea why it makes me laugh. I will keep it forever and put it in her graduation and wedding slideshows. I can't wait to show it to her in a few years. She'll be mortified and I'll think it's hysterical.

Baking: homemade tortillas and naan. I'm trying to add to my cooking and baking repertoire which has led me down the path of making bread and bread adjacent recipes. The naan didn't turn out right but that was due to user error, not recipe error. I got halfway through the recipe before realizing we didn't have eggs. I made an egg substitute with baking soda and white vinegar but (unsurprisingly) it didn't work as well. It tasted ok but we need to redo it. I want to make French bread but Publix is constantly out of yeast and I'm not about to concoct a substitute for that.

A few weeks ago, Sesame and I made a mixed berry pie with homemade pie crust. I used a new recipe that called for white vinegar. It tasted odd but I told AB it would taste better after we filled and baked it. It did not. It was HORRIBLE. Hideous. It tasted like a cocktail of chemicals and nail polish remover. That's the day I discovered that there's cleaning white vinegar with "NOT A FOOD PRODUCT" printed on the side and regular white vinegar suitable for cooking. We could not get the taste from our mouths.

(I had to X out of giphy.com while looking for a good gif. Ever since I was pregnant I cannot look at or hear someone gag or vomit without having flashbacks of spending hours leaning over the toilet. I feel myself being seconds away from throwing up. Hyperemesis has forever scarred me.)

Not going: to Walmart. For years I went to Walmart multiple times a month. We did a large part of our grocery shopping there and I'd constantly be running in for odds and ends. I haven't been since a few days before the cruise in March. It was back in the timeframe known as BtSV- Before the Stupid Virus. That's an official name that will be used in all history books when they refer to this time. Walmarts here are not the cleanest of places in the best of times, but now they're even more questionable. I'm going on six months since my last visit and part of me wants to know how long I can keep it up for. The other part of me decided today I need to suck it up and go back to Wally World because it's significantly cheaper for basics and I will take one of the team to have a thicker wallet. 

Sad about: our good friends moving. Just months after we moved here we met the sweetest family at church. When they found out we don't have family here the husband said, "We'll be your family" and they really have been. AB and I have had endless playdates with them. Sarah and I always go to our town's big consignment sale together and convince each other that we DO need to buy the girls another smocked dress. We have our favorite playgrounds to meet at. I decorated the cupcakes for their daughter's birthday and Sarah took me out when I lost Elliot. I've never once in three years been out in public with Sarah and not run into at least one person she knows. I keep telling her to run for mayor. Their daughter has dealt with several major health issues and AB has learned how to play with someone who needs more time or help doing normal things. It's been so sweet to watch her care for Lana.

Very sadly for me, they're moving to Japan this month. I cannot tell you the sadness this brings me. We just finished redoing our kitchen but we might need to sell the house so I can move with them. I stitched this for them as a going away gift. They adopted their sweet little girl from China so I incorporated that in with the flag.

Laughing: at AB's remarks. I have never been a bikini person but I recently wore a two-piece bathing suit in the hot tub. The top was a little small so I wore a swim shirt over it. As usual, Annabelle had several questions about what was happening. "Why are you wearing a shirt? You never wear shirts when you swim." "Because I'm not wearing a regular bathing suit and the top is too small so I'm trying to be modest." "Are you wearing a zucchini?" Zucchini. Bikini. Same thing.

unnecessarily wordy travel log

Annabelle and I just got back from a trip to see my family.

Everyone has opinions on traveling and what's safe/not safe in this great new world, but we weighed the pros and cons and the pros won. We're supposed to go up for Christmas but who knows what will be happening in the winter (or next week) so we jumped on the chance to go now. The Lord and Travelocity shone upon us and we were able to get reasonably priced flights. I knew some people might not be comfortable visiting which I completely understood. It was warm enough that we could visit outside or at the beach if necessary.

Our tiny town airport only opens security 40 minutes before the flight leaves. Christopher called to see if we needed to be there earlier these days and the man who answered said, "Eh. They can come whenever they want." We could almost see him shrugging his shoulders through the phone. That's the type of professionalism they have at that airport. It was by far the most sanitary flight I've ever been on. The seats were sprayed down between flights and everything was very clean. The plane was boarded from back row to front which is a system I've been promoting for years. They handed out wipes as we boarded and gave out prepackaged snacks in ziplock bags. Annabelle's favorite part of flying is the snack and beverage service so she was disappointed.

Back when the corona craziness started I immediately thought of our annual Aunt Camp and was sure we'd lose that on top of everything else. Each year Aunt Camp gets easier for the camp counselors (Erika and I). The girls are very self-sufficient and beyond food don't require much from us. We might add new little campers in the next few years so we're relaxing while we can. We've always done a few trips to children's museums or the zoo but this year we kept to ourselves at playgrounds and on walks. Sesame loves spending time with the cousins on both side and I love every time she creates new memories with them. 

I bought the official 2020 Aunt Camp matching dresses. Next year Erika and I will buy ourselves matching diamond bracelets.

Daniel wanted he and I to get a covid test in the middle of our visit. There were various reasons I didn't think that was necessary but I obliged and off we went to the drive-through testing site. We arrived at 7:09 and sat in the car for FOUR HOURS before we did the test. The whole thing was very poorly organized. It was supposed to start at 8:00 but the testing didn't start until nearly 10:30. Each time there was a tiny bit of movement, we got very excited and sat up straighter. Most of the time the cars ahead of us were only moving because the driver gave up and left. We went through all the stages of grief in that parking lot. Daniel has a very mathematical/engineering mind and kept up a steady commentary about every new development. "If we calculate the number of cars divided by the amount of time needed to complete each test we can determine the amount of time it will be until we test. Let me check twitter for updates. You know what they say in the studies about the Rt factor and protein found in red blood cells." I knew nothing about the study but I do now. I could have contributed my personal study on why the Ulta in our town is only doing curbside pickup but he was busy listening to conference calls about hemophilia. All in all, I would not give the testing experience a good yelp review but the company was entertaining.

I'm so glad we were able to visit Grandma. I thought we might have to visit outside but since I had a negative test she was fine with us going into her house.  

I adore being with her and every time we're together we play rummy. My humility prevents me from saying who won the game this visit. Annabelle captured this heartwarming picture featuring my double chins.

Autumn and Joanna drove down for a visit on Saturday. They're always so sweet to make time in their schedules for me whenever I go home. The plan was to have a breakfast picnic on the beach. The first couple of hours were a big failure. I had a terrible headache, we were hungry, we couldn't find an open beach and a variety of other issues. The beaches were only allowing in 25-50% capacity and we went to four before we found an open one. Autumn never once let the bumps stop her from having a good attitude. She brings the good times party bus wherever she goes. Joanna was a lifeguard for several years so I selflessly let her take AB into the waves. It had nothing to do with the fact that I don't like getting saltwater on my face.

Joanna and Autumn have barely aged a day since our favorite beach picture of 10 years ago. I cannot say the same for myself.

 

Mom had hip replacement surgery while we were up. We didn't plan on being there for the surgery but it worked out timewise. Erika and I decorated her living room. Elizabeth and I delivered coffee and frozen lemonade and watched a video of hip replacement surgery on youtube. I tried to set up a race between Mom with her walker and Grandma with her cane but the contestants were not available. It would have been hysterical. 

There were 60 people in front of us in the ticket line on the way home. I ended up having to throw away my full bottle of expensive curl cream so we could take our luggage through security instead of checking them. I did not want to do that but we would have missed the plane if we stayed in the ticket line. That move ranks as one of the top five travel mistakes of my life. If you've ever thought to yourself, "You know what sounds like a fun time? Pulling 50lbs of luggage through the Atlanta airport while keeping track of a 6 year old who is struggling to pull her own small unicorn carry-on bag. The 6yo will accidentally leave her bag on an elevator and that's how I'll learn that the sensor to keep the door from closing does not work properly. I'll add in a backpack, a water bottle, and an ice coffee I'll make the mistake of buying before realizing it's nearly impossible to carry said coffee while pulling one bag with each hand. I'll then settle myself at gate A4 only to be told I'm supposed to be at gate D4 on the other side of the airport. There's no way I can pull and carry and bribe while keeping the coffee from spilling so it has to be thrown out while 90% full. We'll roll into gate D4 with literal minutes to spare. No one will offer to help as I carry the 50lbs to the very back of the plane, bumping into every single aisle seat along the way. No one will offer to help when I try to swing them into the overhead compartment either. All this while wearing a facemask that is restricting my breathing. All this will lead to sore muscles the next day." Don't do it. Ask me how I know. 

Here's hoping our visit at Christmas doesn't get canceled. Looking at you, 'Rona, to not get in the way of a good time.

at least we still have memes

I am over this stupid virus. 

OVER IT. 

I really reached a breaking point with it last week. I so desperately want life to be normal again. I don't want to worry about visiting family because I might get my grandma sick. I hate going to the store with people who stand a mile away at check out like they think one of the other customers is about to explode. I remember back in March, at the very beginning of quarantine, saying to Christopher that if "they" could promise this would all be over by July 1st I'd stay home and do whatever they asked so life could get back to normal. July seemed so far off and I needed to hold onto the hope that it would be over by then. Young, naive Sarah. When all the protests started, I kept thinking, "If only we could go back to only having the virus to worry about." 

I haven't had a wedding or graduation canceled, but it hasn't been a walk in the park either. The beginning of the virus coincided with the beginning of my ectopic pregnancy. I spent weeks going to the doctor every few days for ultrasounds and blood tests. I'd slink out of the house praying that the neighbors weren't watching and judging for me leaving again. At the time, our town had the third-highest number of cases per capita in the world but I had to go to the hospital for a shot in the midst of it all. The nurse didn't know where to put me so I sat next to the nurses' station while the vice president of the hospital and several high ups stood three feet away from me and planned how to turn that wing of the hospital into the new covid-specific emergency room. Two hours later, they started bringing positive cases in, walking them right by me.

Annabelle's emotions have been up and down. Some days she's fine but everything in her little world is topsy turvy. She's desperate to see friends. Every time she asks to play with a new friend it's a dance of "Are you ok getting together? I am but if you're not, that's fine! We can see you in 14 weeks if things have improved!" By now we know who is and who isn't fine with visits so at least we have that. We can't go to splash pads or library activities. She put a tiny paper mask on her doll and it made me tear up. I don't want her growing up in this new world. 

I want to go to the store without worrying. Our TJMaxx was open for several weeks before I went in. I didn't want a visit to my favorite store to be ruined by masks and directional stickers on the floor. Some of the arrows were pointing in opposite directions in one-way aisles so it was impossible to follow. We went to Bath & Body Works but we had to call first to see if they were open because we can't assume these days. They were, but only allowed 13 people in at a time. Trying to keep us separated seemed pointless when we were all standing next to each other to pick up and smell candles and lotions. The cashier told me to put the items on the counter so she wouldn't have to touch them, but she touched them anyway when she put them in the bag. At Publix, their new thing is to make the customers stand so far away from the card reader that it can't physically be reached. Once the bagger is done bagging the customer is ''allowed" to move forward and pay. Meanwhile over in produce, Elmer is chatting with everyone while he restocks peaches and peppers a foot away from shoppers. Kevin is restocking crackers right next to customers. I know everyone is doing the best they can and none of us have gone through this before, but I don't understand some decisions. 

Don't get me started on having to make educational choices for this year.

On the very tiny bright side, there's a small part of me that likes that literally everyone in the world is being affected by the same thing. I used to say delivering a baby was the great equalizer and I'm going to add global pandemics to the list. We used to talk about the weather when there was nothing else to say. Now we talk about what has become the new hot commodity at the grocery store. It's fascinating to read articles and watch videos by people going through the same thing in other countries. High School Musical was ahead of the times when they sang, "We're all in this together" back in 2006.

I know we're very fortunate and that millions of people have it much worse, but it's still hard. It's like we're living in a snowglobe that's been shaken, thrown against the wall, shattered into a hundred pieces then stomped on by a bull. But let me tell you how I really feel! I'm so thankful that Annabelle doesn't know the full extent of what's happening. Last night at bedtime she prayed, "Thank you that everything is going so well." I'm glad she feels that way! 

currently, the pandemic edition

Reading: Stand All the Way Up by Sophie Hudson and The Last Boyfriend by Nora Roberts

Listening to: Virgin River by Robyn Carr. I watched the show on Netflix and a friend recommended the books. It's very well written but significantly more steamy than the show. I popped my earbuds in very fast so AB didn't hear anything I would have to explain.

When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalinithi. In another life, I have a dream of being a brain surgeon so I enjoy reading about surgeons and pretending that I too could have saved lives in the OR. I'd also like to be an astronaut and when I was young, I dreamed of being a cash register. I really wanted to hold all those dolla bills. Neither has come true but Pinterest tells me to never give up on my dreams. 

Annabelle has been "playing" the recorder lately. There is a direct connection between her playing and the increase of me wearing my headphones.

Wearing: After many many years of searching and experimenting, I am proud to announce I have finally found the perfect mascara. I sent Christopher the link Annabelle knows my love language is mascara and gave it to me for my birthday. It has lived up to every good review I've ever heard.  

Completely over: this stupid virus. It's outstayed it's welcome!

Returning to: church. Yesterday we finally got to meet in the building. There was only a smattering of the normal members, but it was really nice to be back. It's unbelievable how much has changed since the last time we were there. Every other pew was roped off and they all had humorous signs attached to the ropes. 

Not wearing: lipgloss. Masks have made lipgloss a thing of the past which is the real tragedy of the 'rona.

bits and pieces

The kitchen remodel project is nearing it's end and I love how it looks. Painting the walls has been harder to do because Belle Belle has been very clingy and we had to establish a schedule of when we can play together and when I need to work.

I had a friend's 13yo daughter come over as a mother's helper for one afternoon. She had never been over before and AB was a little nervous about it. I checked on her in bed the night before and she was holding her little mirror and practicing what she would say. "Hi, Reagan. Would you like to play with clay? Hi, Reagan. Thank you for coming over. Mom, I don't think that was right. Did I sound friendly?" At least she always got her name right. Our neighbor's name is Kennedy and I kept calling Reagan the neighbor's name. I knew it was a president's name!
When Reagan did arrive, Annabelle had so much fun. She loves any new person to entertain with her endless stories and ridiculous questions. Reagan had just finished a safe sitter class so she asked me all the questions the teacher recommended. I don't know if I'll ever get used to being on the mom side of the fence instead of the babysitter side. Her mom was thrilled that I asked for Reagan's help. She texted me and said, "Thank you for giving Reagan this opportunity!" You're thanking me? THANK YOU for giving me three hours to paint without disruption. I will be happy to give her the opportunity at any time. It's crazy to think that in 7 years, AB might be the one I'm dropping off to be a mother's helper. I need to go breathe into a paper bag. 

We watched one of AB's little friend's yesterday. They get along fine but have vastly different interests. He can explain Minecraft and legos. She asked him if he knows what types of food they eat in Bulgaria then several hours later asked if he wanted to waltz. He did not. It made me laugh so hard.

The fourth of July has always been one of my very favorite holidays but this year but so different. I know it wasn't normal for anyone and it didn't seem like a celebratory day. We did a few things at home and I did grocery shopping like any normal Saturday. There were no parades, no cookouts, and no big fireworks displays. We have no family nearby to visit. We did make star and flag sugar cookies while listening to patriotic music which was nice. Christopher and Annabelle picked out sparklers and little fireworks so we had a little show in our driveway. Our favorite was the one that shot out a little parashooter. 

AB gave me a lesson on how to do the throw poppers so they popped properly. She called them "popper-its." She knows how to waltz and set off fireworks. There's nothing she doesn't do!

zoo time

We had planned on leaving for Texas yesterday to visit family, but the virus forced us to stay home. Annabelle was devastated. She had been counting down the days until she saw her cousins for weeks. She prayed every night that the days until we left would go by quickly. More and more things in her life are being touched by the virus and it makes me really sad. We already had a reservation at a hotel near the airport so we still spent the night there and had a fun weekend.

Every time I stay in a hotel I'm reminded of a hotel story from 2016. We were driving home from my cousin's wedding in Tennessee and spent the night in Virginia. Mom and Annabelle stayed in the car while I checked in and ran to the room to use the bathroom. The handsoap was unwrapped and the wrapper was in the trash can which I thought was odd, but nature called and I didn't time much time to worry about housekeeping not cleaning well. When I opened the door to leave the bathroom, I noticed that the tv had been turned on. I peered around the corner enough to see there were suits laid on the bed. The front desk had given me the key to an already occupied room. I never saw anyone, but the tv went on so someone was in there. I saw my life, and AB's short life, flash before my eyes in the few seconds I stood there frozen. I tried to leave the room as quietly as possible but I couldn't get the door unlocked. I was sure whoever was in the room would, rightly, try to stop the intruder in their room. Finally, I got out and went to the front desk to discuss the issue. The two workers looked at their computer then asked me if I was sure the room was already taken. Yes, I was sure! Clearly, someone was already in there! Did they need to check my blood pressure and pulse to see how worked up I was?! All that to say, I'm always cautious about entering hotel rooms now!

Annabelle loves a good hotel experience as much as I do. She inspects the light switches, the phone and opens all the drawers. We had gotten take out dessert so we sat on the bed sampling and ranking the sweets. We discovered a new show on Netflix called The Repair Shop and she instantly began pretending she was a "toy fixer" and I was her assistant. She was a picky employer and did not pay well.

Sadly she does not enjoy the actual sleeping part of staying at hotels. She didn't fall asleep until after 11 o'clock which means I didn't either. Christopher slept like a log and was not the least bit phased by the conversations that went on in a stage whisper. "Mom, I need the bathroom. Mom, can I have a drink? Mom, I'm so tired. Mom, have you ever eaten a plastic bag?" Sleeping in the same room as your child is a real treat.

The next morning we went to the zoo. We didn't make it to Texas, but we went to see the animals of the African safari and Chinese pandas. 

The zoo was set up with a one-way path with painted yellow lines where it was "appropriate" to stand. I always feel like I have to justify anything we do in public these days which is unfortunate. We understand there's a virus and we are making life changes accordingly. We washed our hands like crazy and wore masks when required, but it was mid-90* and I did not make Annabelle wear a mask the entire time in such heat. A couple had matching black masks that said "6 feet apart" on them which seemed aggressive. The zoo is not a necessity. If you're worried enough that you need to literally spell it out on your mask, maybe you shouldn't go to the zoo. Speaking of heat, I wanted a sweet picture of us but instead, we have forever captured me trying in vain to fan myself and wipe the sweat off my face. What a family heirloom. 

This is significantly better.

I watched Hermione while the others went into the reptile center. Belle Belle is as attached to this doll as she was to Mr. Lion the pacifier as a baby and as she has always been to her Memere blanket. She bought Hermione with her own money and she goes everywhere with us. Much like my work at the repair shop, I was not well paid for babysitting the doll.

I seldom sit in the backseat but I did on the way home and Sesame held my hand as she fell asleep. 

She did the same exact thing on the way home from the hospital.