it doesn't help that I frequently confuse zip code and area code

One of my least favorite questions these days is, “what’s your zip code?” I always have to put on my thinking cap (it’s a very cute cap, by the way) and try to decide which of my five zip codes would be the best answer given the circumstance. Do they want the Massachusetts zip code? The New York zip code? The other New York zip code? The zip code formerly associated with our debit card? Our current zip code? This is what moving four times in less than a year will do to a person. 

In an attempt to solve this problem, I wrote down our address on a piece of paper and stuck it in my wallet to pull out at any time. I thought it would be so convenient to have it written out, thereby freeing me from having to go through the work of putting on my thinking cap. The only problem with this otherwise flawless plan was that the address on the paper does not match where we currently live, thereby making it null and void. This was discovered on numerous occasions when I was forced to write out our current zip code only to came face to face with the zip code of our other New York address. If you know any secretaries looking for a job, please send them my way.

To further complicate things, for the first time we have a license plate on our car that matches the state we live in. For most people this wouldn’t be an issue, but the whole time we've been married our car had a Mississippi plate which made it relatively easy to locate in most parking lots. You would think that would have stopped us from walking up and down numerous parking lots because we lost our car AGAIN, while I poked fun at Christopher because the scout couldn’t find his own car (that’s a joke that doesn’t grow old), but it didn’t.  My usual plan in parking lots is to park next to an obnoxious/can’t lose it car while I do my shopping so that when I come out, I only have to look for the obnoxious car, not ours. As you may have guessed, that plan only works IF THE OBNOXIOUS CAR IS STILL THERE. If not, we’re back to square one.

Since we’re on the subject of cars, for a while the clock in our truck was all messed up so in order to figure out the time, you had to do math. While driving. It’s a wonder I’m still here. I figured out that in order to know the correct time, you had to subtract 5 from the hour shown and add 7 to the minutes shown. Even then, the clock was finicky so sometimes it changed on me and I’d have to figure out the new time formula. And you know what? The only way to be SURE you had the correct time was to look at a watch or cell phone, in which case you didn't need to do the math anyway. It was so confusing. But like they say, it’s five o’clock somewhere.