a tale of three mothers

You may not have heard, but a new baby boy was born into the royal family this week. Of course, I don't care about such things but I know some people do.

KIDDING.

I walked around Walmart with my phone propped up in my purse so I could see the live stream and not miss the baby's debut in front of the hospital. If I had the same level of dedication to exercise that I have to this family I'd be a supermodel in less than two weeks.

Kate wasn't the only one to have a baby that day. Annabelle went into Walmart intending to buy a veterinary kit (or as she says, "a doctor for animals who are sick who need a doctor because they broke a nose or something so they need to see the doctor kit") but she got a doll instead. An adoption happened right there in aisle 11. It was very touching. She and the baby have been inseparable since. She has four other dolls she plays with occasionally but had nothing like her attachment to this baby. It could be that I pushed the other babies too much or maybe it's just the age she's at, but either way, it's so sweet to see her care for the baby.

There was a brief period of time where the baby was called both Ruthie and Paige, but even Kate Middleton hasn't released the name of her baby yet so the delay in naming was keeping with the theme of the day. The name officially decided on is Paige Aige.

She went on a field trip to the aquarium with us yesterday. Annabelle didn't show her the frogs because she knows I hate them.

All this talk of new babies got me thinking about when I had Sesame. Kate looks like a glowing angel sent down from heaven. Prince Squishy Cheeks is bundled to perfection. She looks as if she was on her way to an event at Royal Albert Hall and she happened to pick up a baby along the way.

This was me a few hours after the worse hours of my life I had Annabelle. I have never looked worse. My face is puffy, I had been crying for hours and all I wanted was more pain medicine. There was nothing angelic or heavenly about it.

Apparently, I've lost all self-respect. I swore no one would ever see this picture.

I know Kate had a team of people to help her get ready and look glamorous but I'm sure she wanted nothing more than to be wearing sweatpants and slippers instead of parading her child in front of the world. I felt so bad that she didn't get to lie down for hours on end. She may have looked saintly but I know under that pretty red dress she was wearing mesh underwear and a pad the size of New Mexico. Motherhood is the great equalizer. 

i could think of a good title if my brain wasn't fried from all the talking

I'm coming to you live from my couch. I normally blog from my couch so this is nothing new, but the point is I'm not in Houston at Barbara Bush's funeral. I discussed attending it but you know, I have a child and no babysitter. Little details like that. I am wearing my pearls in her honor. I've received no less than 5 calls and texts of people expressing their sympathy. My love of Barbara was widely known and I wish her family the best.


I may have mentioned it once or seventy-three million times before, but my sweet child never.stops.talking. She came up from under water at swimming lessons and started talking before her head was fully out of the water. 

I don't know who she gets it from.

Actually, I do. Her father is the same way.

Every day we have a version of this conversation.

"Mama, can I habe a snack?"
"Sure. What do you want?"
"Anything you can find is good."
"Raisins?"
"No."
"Apples and peanut butter?"
"Nope."
"Cheese stick?"
"Hhmmm. I don't think so."
"What do you want???"
"Do you have anything else?"
"Whale crackers?"
"No."
                            

We skipped right over the terrible two stage of crying at every little thing but it's hit us full force in the last few weeks. Sesame cried because the electricity went out. She cried because the clothes she made dirty were being washed. She cried when the water was going down the drain. She cried because I said she was too big for something. "I'm still a widdle kiiiiiiiiiid." It's been a real joy.

Wednesday I took her to the doctor for what seems like the 80th time since we moved here. I actually apologized to the doctor for taking up more of his time. They put us in the Frozen room and I got very excited and said they must know she loves Frozen. She said, "I doubt it. They didn't ask me if I like Frozen so I think they just wanted to put me here because it was open." The magic of these things is supposed to last for years! 

Playing school has become a very close second to playing birthday party. We still play birthday party every single day (imagine the excitement of realizing the Beanie Baby's birthday is April 16th ON April 16th!) but school has started to take over. We had to take 7 of her students to get the mail the other day. AB gave up halfway to the mailbox and sat down on the grass. I kept walking with the other friends. When the man removing the pile of branches from the yard waved at us, I waved back with Polar Bear's arm. Nothing to see here! Just a grown woman walking around her yard holding stuffed animals. 

At least she still wants to wear matching clothes. I'll make her do this until we're both old and gray.

Currently- the most boring of all time edition

Eating: Toast topped with a piece of prosciutto, a fried egg and a dash of parmesan cheese. It’s a huge step up from my typical breakfast of oatmeal or cheerios.

Drinking: pool water ice coffee. The barista always forgets to put in extra cream but I shouldn't complain. At least she hasn't given me a cup with bugs in it this time.

Playing: Chutes and Ladders. I don’t mind most children’s games but I wouldn’t be sad if this one died and never came back to life. Just when one of us has finally made it to square 97 we get sent back to the beginning. It’s never ending circle of torture.

Reading: The Light Between Oceans, Where There’s Hope and Waiting for Birdy. The higher than normal number of books is directly correlated to my efforts to spend less time on the computer. Back in ye olden days of dial up internet and house phones I read all the time and I want to get back to that.

I could not put down The Light Between Oceans. It was mesmerizing. When I finished I had a lot of feelings about the fictional characters. I was very invested in their lives. I seldom read two books about missing children at the same time, but I recently saw that Elizabeth Smart wrote a new book. I have so much respect for her. I don’t know if I could experience what she did and still live a normal and fulfilling life. Waiting for Birdy has been some good comedic relief after the previous two books. I agree with so much of what she says I swear she's been in my brain.

Having feelings and opinions about: the upcoming royal wedding (what else is new?). Yesterday I gave in impassioned speech to my captive audience. He could not have cared less. He doesn’t think the powers that be need my advice about the wedding which is a shame because I have a lot of thoughts. He didn't think my idea of sending them a nice set of beach towels for their tropical honeymoon was a good idea. I don't know why I bother discussing these things with him.
Sad about: the passing of Barbara Bush. I've loved her for years. I spent several years corresponding with Barbara and George and they even sent us a letter when we got married. I am in deep mourning.

Disagreeing about: Spider-Man and super hero movies. Often when C and I watch the same movie we see very different things. More specifically, I notice 10% of what he does. I don’t want to work hard and figure out detailed plotlines when I watch a movie. I want to be entertained and not have to put on my FBI hat. I want words on the screen that says where they are. Don’t make me guess if it’s Bangkok or Tokyo. We had a lengthy discussion about an opening scene in Spiderman which I claimed was not clear enough but Christopher insisted could not have been clearer. We had another disagreement over whether or not aliens had been in a Avengers previous movie. Christopher insisted they were but said he didn’t know when the movie came out. I replied that the movie came out in 2012 when we were at Fort Lee. We rode to the movie theater on the motorcycle, had to sit in the middle of a loud group of superhero nerds and the fight scene went on so long I always walked out. He couldn’t believe I remembered all that but forgot the aliens. I can’t believe I've somehow gotten so into superhero movies. I don't even know myself anymore.

Discovering: our neighbors new pet, Twiggy. Twiggy is a squirrel rescued during a storm last year. I’ve seen him hanging out in a cage and I’m no vet but I’m pretty sure he has rabies. The parents, five daughters, one uncle, one random friend, one hamster and four dogs all live under one roof. Personally, I wouldn’t add a squirrel to the mix. 

Buying: a new llama air freshener for the car. I bought it at a little gift shop in town where I showed great restraint in not buying everything. The cashier asked if I wanted it wrapped and I said no. Then I changed my mind and said yes. My new thing is to always take advantage of free wrapping even if I'm buying something for myself. I love pretty things and it's an easy way to make myself happy. The girl said she could fill out a gift tag for me then asked who the gift was for. I didn't want to say I was having her waste paper on me so I said it was for a friend. (I'm trying to be my own friend.) Then she said. "Do you want me to fill out the tag or..." I froze. I didn't want to tell her it was to Sarah, from Sarah. I almost said it was for Samantha. I don't know a Samantha. I told her I'd do it later. She kept asking follow up questions and I got more and more uncomfortable that she was spending 8 minutes wrapping and curling ribbon on AIR FRESHENERS I was going to use myself. Then I couldn't leave the store because I was pushing the wrong door. I should not take myself anywhere. After all that it doesn't even smell nice. It's sort of musky with a side of floral. You could say it smells like llamas in a field of roses.

vaccines and bandaids can't slow her down

AB had her 4 year old appointment this morning. She passed the vision test with flying colors and serenaded the nurse with her newest song.

Bum bum bum
Do WAAA.
Bump de bum.
Do do we.  ©

It will be topping the charts any day now.

She's had some residual stomach pain since the quarter incident and the doctor said she lost a little weight but other than that she's fit as a fiddle. When he was listening to her lungs she looked up from her planet book and commented that she "didn't think he was doing it right." So there's nothing wrong with her sass. He had to give five shots which seemed excessive to me but I'm not here to open the can of worms that is the vaccine debate. She did fine for the first two shots then all hell broke loose. It was full out screaming and kicking. She's always been very calm during shots so this was new territory for us. To be fair, I would make my opinions heard if I got five shots. We went to Dunkin Donuts for munchkins and coffee to calm our nerves. As she told someone, "Nothing is better than a good trip to Dunkin Donuts." I've never been more proud.

We visited a new playground after the doctor. Annabelle was limping around like she was recovering from double knee surgery instead of a polio vaccine. I knew the playground would make her forget her worries and I was right. She bounced around with her new friend Jack Henry who insisted on calling her Ella. Unlike the doctor, she did not correct him. The playground is at a local church which thought up a brilliant method to bring in the community. They have a combination indoor/outdoor play AND a small restaurant and coffee. The kids get their energy out, the moms drink cafe and no one can leave the enclosed area. It's the perfect set up. We had lunch there then headed to our next activity. 


I met a girl at church who moved here with her Marine husband a few weeks after we did. I feel the new girls should stick together so I invited her to the pottery painting studio with us. I was concerned she'd be an accomplished artist and make me regret the invitation but she had just as much trouble picking colors and painting a straight line as I did. The owners let their very large labradoodle puppy, Oscar, have free range around the place. He wasn't aggressive but he was a handful. He pulled Annabelle's bow right off her head and chewed it up, jumped on my shoulders which made me smudge my vase, then he jumped on the table and charged at us. He was a bull in a china shop. Annabelle was only slightly better. She finished her statue before Amy and I had chosen our colors. She was overtired and overly dramatic about the five bandaids on her legs. She kept laying down on the floor and scooting herself along because the aforementioned shots made her legs sore. Then she'd bounce up and yell, "I'M DA SUPERHERO HERE TO SAVE DA DAY!" I don't think Amy will ever hang out with us again. 

Actual footage of Annabelle in the middle of the studio.

i do not like it here or there, I do not like it anywhere. edition 2

Edition 1


I like to think of myself as a mostly positive person. I am usually easy going and easy to get along with. That being said, I've been keeping a list on my phone of things about this world that annoy me and I'd like to present it to you here.
In no particular order-

1. Improper Instastory etiquette. I don't want to see you running, singing, eating or chewing gum. Show me what you bought at Target. Show me your baby learning to walk. Don't even think about chewing gum while having a solo lip syncing party.

2. Maternity photos where the mother wears lingerie. We all know how it happens. No need to show us what you were wearing.

3. Rolling at a red light. Red means stop. It doesn't mean roll at 2mph into over the stop line.

4. Posting a bad first baby photo. We live in a world where a baby's arrival is shared within 6 minutes of its birth. Have the decency of posting a good first picture of the baby. Don't post a picture of a naked, red and screaming little person. Would you like it if the world saw a picture of you like that? Don't do it to your offspring.

5. K instead of ok. If you don't have time to type or say the o you need to reevaluate your life.

6. Enneagram. I think knowing whether someone, particularly your spouse or child, is an introvert or extrovert can be so insightful. Being intentional to acknowledge their love language can make them feel wanted and nurtured. Anything beyond that seems like nonsense. I've listened to podcasts where they evaluate peoples personality type and assign all sorts of letters that mean nothing to me. "He's an INFJ and a 6 with a 7 wing." Or, "I'm an HSP (highly sensitive person) so when the men were putting on the new roof and the dog was barking and the kids were screaming, it was too much for me." Does anyone like being in that situation? I particularly dislike when someone's actions are justified because of their number. "He wouldn't have gotten so mad if he wasn't a 4." Maybe he got mad because people get mad. (This is the point where Christopher rolls his eyes and says not everything is black and white. My story, my blog. If he wants to disagree he can start his own blog.) I'm sure there's a number/letter combination for people like me who don't care what they are but like I said, I don't care. 

7. When people talk about being on a diet while I'm eating something unhealthy. Let me eat my Doritos in peace. I need to eat my feelings after taking my child to Goodwill and causing a traffic jam in the middle of the aisle because she got stuck under the cart. 

8. Female James Bond. I heard a rumor someone was going to remake the original JB movies with a female lead. I have a 7 year (not a coincidence that it corresponds to the number of years I've been married) history of ups and downs with James Bond. I can't say I understand all the storylines or how he manages to fall off a moving train into a waterfall and appear with only a scratch, but he's grown on me. Talk of a female James Bond really irritates me. We don't need to recreate a classic series to prove that women are just as good as men. Imagine the outrage if Wonder Woman was played by Hugh Jackman.

9. When the hand dryer in a public restroom doesn't work and the paper towel holder is empty.

10. When people walk next to the sidewalk instead of in it. 

fashionably late with the Easter post as always

This shy wallflower of a child enjoyed her Easter immensely.  

Within four days she had a birthday, a birthday party and Easter. She could not have been more thrilled to keep the parties going. 

Another trip down memory lane? Will you keep doing this until she's 48? YES, I WILL.  

Dress rehearsal for her first holiday.

 We did an egg hunt in the front yard after church. We had eggs left from the egg hunt at church so I reused them for our hunt. I used some candy from church too and she never knew the difference. 

My friend's daughter got more things in her Easter basket than AB got for her birthday. Our Easter bunny shopped the Toys R Us sales and the dollar section. Keeping the bar low since 2014.

Pencils, rubber stamp, markers and glitter glue.