Had Enough Starbucks? Just Join the Navy!

A few Saturdays ago I had my first taste of an over-priced coffee concoction from the establishment known as Starbucks. I wasn’t overly impressed but I was there with Rudy so I was happy. We hadn’t talked since the wedding so we spent over three hours sitting across from each other in big, blue chairs catching up on life. It took every ounce of my matchmaker self not to shout out “you guys would be so great for each other!!” every time she mentioned a certain young man she recently met. I did mention it, but only once. She also informed me that she’s taking four- FOUR- gym classes. That girl in going to be In Shape by the time May rolls around.

Somewhere around the third hour in our visit, two men sat down in the chairs next to us. The older man{known from here on out as “Mr Older”}sat next to me and the younger{“Mr Younger”}next to Rudy. We were too busy discussing Rudy’s necklace to pay much attention to them, until Rudy casually reached over and moved her purse from the table between the two chairs to the floor. It could have ended right there, but of course it didn’t. Not three minutes later we heard a mans voice saying loudly over the coffee shop din, “um, excuse me, miss. Miss? Excuse me?”. By now we had moved onto the flowers in the necklace and didn’t even know Mr Younger was calling us until the “excuse me’s”, emphasized by waving arms, continued.

Our peaceful Starbucks visit was about to take a very sudden turn.

I kid you not, for the next 25 minutes we were caught up in a whirlwind conversation with two men we had never before seen in our lives.

It was a long, but somewhat interesting, 25 minutes.

Right off the bat, Mr Younger’s mouth started going and it did not stop. “Oh, you did a good thing by moving your purse. You never know if someone might look like they’re eating their food and really be taking something out of your wallet. I’m an attorney so I know. Good for you. Good thinking. You should always keep your purse close to you. I’m a professor, too. Where do you go to school? Do you like it? What’s your major? I spent too much time with girls when I was in school. Don’t fool around with boys too much; just wait til you graduate.” Mr Older apparently felt left out so he began interjecting questions, comments, and statements from his chair. He was also an attorney{“we work together; I’m like the dad and he’s like the son. We come here all the time. Do you come often?”}who thought our life could not continue if we didn’t know where he bought his daughter’s Mercedes{“right here at Wagner Mercedes!”} and long-ago details about his life{“my father was legally blind so I couldn’t just leave him, you know. I had to take care of him. That’s why I joined the Navy: good pay....”} He had also just returned from a trip to South Caroline and felt the need to impart his opinion of the people there{“then I asked the sheriff...”}. You could almost see the generosity flowing from him when he offered to Rudy that she join the Navy. That was the closest I have ever seen Rudy to speechless. In fact, she was speechless. She tried telling him that she didn’t really want to but he wouldn’t listen. “Just reconsider it. You can live in so many different places and if you don’t like the place, you can always move.”{I pretty sure you can’t ‘always move if you don’t like the place’. I don’t know what Navy he was in}.

It was no easy thing for Rudy and I to politely remove ourselves from the situation, but we did our best. We started feeling a little funny at their interest in us and our lives{“so, where does your brother work? You were homeschooled? Where do you want to work?”}and if Rudy hadn’t picked up her phone and made a big deal about the time, I was going to pretend someone called me and we had to leave right then. I was comforted by the fact that they didn’t know our names, but I was still feeling uncomfortable. After pocketing Mr Younger’s business cards{“Just call if you need any help or have questions. Now that I'm a professor I’ve been on both sides of the fence.”}we barely made it out the door and around the corner without laughing. It was certainly a memorable trip.

Mr. Older, thanks for your offer but Rudy will NOT be joining the Navy anytime soon!

{I really should have bought some Summarize Stories in a More Timely Fashion in extra large while I was there.}